Sunday, 24 January 2016

Departure

Yet another departure... life is full of arrivals and departures. Samajh nahi aata ki aise zindagi ka kya matlab ho sakta hai. Kya sach mei bichhadna itna zaruri hota hai?
Bade log bohot se bade baat keh jaate hai. Ki materialistic hai duniya... iske peechhe mat bhago, uske peechhe mat bhago. Achha baat hai. Lekin kya sirf ek simta hua zindagi jeena chahiye? Kya tab insaan ye nahi sochega ki... kaash ki yeh kar lete... kaash ki wo kar lete.
This is another case of grass being greener on the opposite side.
Mere ko pure duniya mein agar koi sach mei pyaar karta hai to wo hai mummy abbu. Mere ko bhi sabse zyada pyar fikr unhi se hai. Fir kyu hum kahi aur hai?
Aisa bhi nahi ki hum jaha hai waha ke khokhlepan ke bare mei mer ko nai pata.
I very well understand that too. Fir kyu yeh har baar ka departure? Kyu ye har baar ka rona?

Ok. So this is the flavour of shit sandwich that i hav chosen. Aur ab yeh khana hi padega.

Thursday, 24 December 2015

May we...


May we meet
On someday
At somewhere
And then talk.
May we laugh
May we cry
And then share
What we feel
What we think
Of the world
And the stars
And the skies
Rivers, seas
And the fields
Green with grass
And the time
Which maybe
Is slower
In the space.
And angels
And the gods
Who, you know
May exist.
Or may not.
May we then
Meet again.
And again.
And again.
Until we.
Have spoken.
All we knew.
All we had
In our hearts
And our minds.
May we then
Part our ways
Move ahead
In our lives
And may we
All the while
Never know
What your name
Or my name
Even was
Coz we were
Just two souls
Meant to meet
So we did
Meant to part
So we did.
And now we
Shall move on
To other
Souls in life.

~Almas Kiran Shamim 


image source: http://soulmates-twinflames.tumblr.com/post/127745609698/when-its-time-for-souls-to-meet-theres-nothing

Random rantings..



Many bigger tragedies can happen in life. Not only “CAN”, they will. Anyway, I just need to sort out my head a bit. Now, there are people who always want to “sound” right. They may be talking absolute crap, but they speak with such authority, or I should say, they are already in positions of such authority, that whatever they utter is accepted. I truly do not believe in ‘not speaking up’. I do not accept that we should just shut the fuck up when someone is talking crap. But, this is getting very difficult for me. Coz’ it means that I’d literally be opposing people everyday, many times a day… it’ll get exhausting for me. I may as well ignore them..to ensure that I do not lose my sanity… But, trust me ignoring crap is difficult for me.
In any case, I think I just should not talk about my own life… to them or in front of them. They do not have any place in my life personal life, at least….

I like meeting people. Not contacts. I have been hearing about this category called “contacts” ever since I joined public health. I hated it then. I hate it now. Contacts is such a dehumanizing way to look at people. Contacts make me feel like shit. As if the only worth of a person is what he she can do for you. It is ridiculous. Totally. People happen to us to enrich our lives. To bring in experiences. To teach us new things, new words, new perspectives… Of course, it is for people who are open to learning… and not people of the “above” sorts… who think they know it all. Otherwise, for normal people like me and maybe you, people are life. These people whom you meet along life’s way may help you, may not help you, you may help them, you may not help them. But, it is about ‘helping’. It is not about “contacts”.

In the past one week, I’ve been asked twice about my “Hindi”. S asked me ‘When did I learn Hindi’ and M, who, by the way, has known me for quite some time now, asked me, in relation to a job in U.P., ‘How is your Hindi?’…. I was like… dude… pleaseeee…. And then he asked me… “Oh… weren’t you from…uhhh. Nagaland?”
Khair…. I remember when Dr. J.J was taking our class, he asked us if there was any Hindi speaking person in the class… I raised my hand…. He asked me where was I from… and I told… Andamans… He said… “Ahhh no… not someone who ‘knows’ Hindi….but someone who is actually Hindi speaking”… before I could even process what he meant, he had selected his Hindi speaking person- K. Who. By the way. Is from Orissa. I so totally hated him that day…. Not, K… JJ :P
My hands are so cold… Even my heater is tired of attempting to heat my room.

Do you know? Almas is Persian for Diamond. That’s what I was named after.
It is also Spanish for Souls.

N told me today… that we work for a good life…. Work in itself is not a good life. I think that is where I am making my mistake… I am seeking a life out of my work… then another life out of life.

Cats are cotton balls. I love them. I want a bigger house. Cats should never feel suffocated.
  

Monday, 14 December 2015

Of mountains and seas ...



Sometimes I wonder if it really has to be this way. That we have to travel miles to sit on a cliff, looking down at a sea and muse over life? Why can't we do it back at home? Dyu know how beautiful my home town is? We have a vast ocean... little hills covered in green.... a clean and clear sky- the perfect home for those millions of glittering stars. Ofcourse it was more beautiful back when I was a little girl. When the sports complex was still called 'jetty' and joggers' park was just 'pahaad'. When the winds blew stronger than today and when literally every particle carried happiness. Happiness has turned into such an elusive emotion. We travel but we don't stay. We are so constantly on the move that even the most beautiful of places become just a tick on our bucketlist. Not that I have one. But, still... we are constantly going somehwere. When would I have time to just be?


In the past one month I have seen so many mountains. Old ones like the Table Mount and new ones like the Himalayas.. One word which constantly kept popping into my mind while I looked at the majestic mountains and the expansive ocean is "Alankar". No other word seems to fit as beautifully as "Alankar". Now, I know, God making this world would require a stretch of imagination for many today. But, that's what I grew up believing and I think it is a nice and simple and beautiful and peaceful belief- God made the world. So when God made the world, it put these mountains on the world as alankar.... Imagine a world without them.... how plain... how restrictive....  I think it has to be this way coz each hill has its own feeling. The camera in our mind captures these visions, not independent of emotions. Whether it be the snow covered Marhi... or the rocky Table mount or even that extremely beautiful hill where we stood looking over the Atlantic.... each time the majesty was a different one... even though the same....I am not yet able to give words to what I feel.... but I hope with time, my perception or vocabulary, whichever of the two is deficient... or even both, if the need be, develops. 
At the Cape Point... totally love this picture.
Travel, I believe, helps in making us realize how small we are- how insignificant even.... how we are the tiniest part of this big wholeness... if there is a wholeness at all. Travel helps you in feeling non-existent... in experiencing the out of body moments which are the most beautiful moments in life. Mountains and Seas.... They should always be together... I do not know if I love it and so should be lucky that I was born in a hilly island... or if I love it only coz I was born in a hilly island... But mountains and seas give me peace. They make me feel small. They tell me "It's Okay!".  



Everything that I want, exists here
Save you
Everything that you may want, exists there
Save me
Tell me how far is it from here to there.
Tell me if I could have wings.









Sunday, 29 November 2015

Together





There’s an emptiness inside of me which cannot be filled by anyone but you.
Each time you go, it is as if I had been with you all along….
Each time you go, it is as if you are going for the first time
For a long time
I wonder when will we meet again.
When will I again feel the comfort of your companionship and the warmth of your touch..
Ages- it seems.
A man who has gotten used to living in a desert may not loath the absence of a river.
But move him to the banks and the river turns into a habit.
The desert is then loathsome to him, even if home.
You are my river.
And now you are gone.
And there’s an emptiness inside my heart, inside my gut, inside my soul.
I feel lost and alone.
I wish we could be together through it all.
The highs and the lows
In each other’s comfort shall all discomfort be faced.
Till there is life, we shall live.

Together.

~Almas Kiran Shamim






Monday, 23 November 2015

Just another post to console myself.


Sometimes we try really hard- maybe not the hardest, but still- and nothing comes out of it. We knock on doors and they don't open. It's sad. Really. But, I guess it only means that these doors were never meant to open.

Not that it doesn't make us sad. But, at these times we must look at all that we have and however sadist it sounds, we must think of all the people who have so much lesser than us. This may help us be more thankful for what we have than be dejected over not getting what we wanted.

While many of my beliefs might have changed over time, the one thing that I just can't stop believing in is that God or life or whatever oyu want to call the power that sustains the world- knows where we are meant to be. And takes us there. We may want different things for ourselves, but it really doesn't work that way. We are all like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle- and we can fit in a certain place alone. Our place would change as the puzzle changes form but otherwise, we are meant to be somewhere and that is where we shall be. We may dislike the part we have got but there's really not much we can do.

I know that it is no solace- the Syrian refugees - how lucky are they in going through what they are going through? Shayad hi kuchh.

But, khud ke liye agar soche bas- toh I am Alhamdulillah lucky and I have so much to be thankful for. Aur abhi ke liye- itna soch kar khsh rehna chahiye.

Jaise chalte hai zindagi chalne do. Jo aana hoga woh aa hi jayega.

Khair. Bye





Monday, 3 August 2015

Dead flesh

 This world runs on dead flesh. I draw this analogy from the Qur'an Paak which says that back biting is like eating the flesh of your dead brother.

Well, however, distasteful it might seem, the fact remains that a lot of what we see around us has resulted from back biting. It's the end of yet another eventful yet unfruitful day and I'm too exhausted to type everything on my mind.

I'll go back to my mummy, who is always on my mind these days (wait, THESE days? She's always been on my mind- right at the top! Though now that I have typed it, I doubt myself. Khair). So, well... mummy has had very few friends. I remember very few people who visited mummy (dost ke taur pe). One was Gupta uncle's wife. Gupta uncle is my father's best friend. They all sat together discussing everything- people, events and ideas.

But, there were two other ladies who visited us. I won't go into their details but all they spoke about was about people. Especially one of them. She is known as the BBC of our town. She went around the whole place collecting gossip and coming and telling it all to mummy. My mummy had nothing to tell these ladies except the same old property dispute, recipe, cat-stats and other unimportant things. On second thoughts, the property dispute, while mundane for us, may have been good fodder for aunty.

Whenever these aunties came home, they'd see mummy either working or reading some Islamic book. This has been how it has been since forever.

One of the aunties died, the second aunty gradually decreased her visits to our home. Just like everyone else.
I remember mummy telling me one day ki Kiran...pata hai mere zyada dost kabhi kyu nahi ban sake. Kyuki humko idhar ka baat udhar karne ka aadat nahi.

And I now realize ki bilkul sahi hai. The only reason my mummy has led such a lonely life is coz she has not gossiped. The only two close friends she had in Blair were people who gossiped. Even though they didn't get any masala news from mummy, I think they enjoyed her company coz mummy could give them that which others probably could not. Her ears, with no competition from her tongue.

So, yes. Gossip is the only thing, so it appears to me today, which can earn you friends.

Today someone who is going on a long vacation told me that one of his friends told him that in his absence, whom would the friend gossip with.

I have myself indulged in gossip with strangers nowadays. And trust me the heaviness has lifted. Not that things have improved but am a Sagittarian - an eternal optimist. You know what I mean.

I've had very few friends with whom I discussed the world. Unme se bhi ab sirf ek hi hai mere paas. Mela guddumumma.



Now reading ... "Adultery" by 'Paulo Coelho'.

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