Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Past Presents

And those moments when your mind wants to jump back to a time left far behind. When your heart wants to feel a feeling not felt in ages. Those moments in the past with the most beautiful of smiles, the most velvety of voices and the most comforting of places.
Sometimes we leave people behind on purpose. People we love. People we cherish. People who are irreplaceable. We leave them behind in an act of faith. Faith in our futures. Knowing well enough that we are pushing them into our pasts. And the past is a thing gone. And that they will never happen to us again. They, who were the ‘one and only’. We will move ahead with many ‘less than the best’ things, places and people. Coz the best was probably never meant to be. The best was meant to leave us. Leaving a pang in our hearts. A prick that will always remind us that there is something better out there. As an inspiration to our words and as a motivation to our works. Never leaving us alone. Never moving into our pasts.  Always reminding us that the ‘best’ will never ever be. They will remain. Out there somewhere. And as this constant ache they will live on. Forever our ‘presents’.

Saturday, 14 March 2015


And then she discovered she was blue 
In a world which thought 
Pink was the only colour true. 
So they bought her pink dresses 
Bags and shoes. 
But, she didn’t like any of it. 
What could she do? 
She tried to talk to some 
To reason 
That there existed a colour blue. 
Aaahh! They waved her off. 
‘Wasn’t pink what she saw all life through?’,
They asked her. 
And then she knew, 
A little more prodding 
And an argument will ensue. 
She wanted to discuss it 
With a few others too- 
Some pink loved ones, 
But didn’t know how to! 
Lonely, she then cried 
What else could she do? 
Maybe she could pen down 
A line or two! 

~ Almas Kiran Shamim

Monday, 8 December 2014

Your ways...


I just have to say
I love the way
You never
Let me down.

The way you
Speak for me and
Stand by me and
Hold me proud.

The way you
Weep for me and
Pray for me in
Failed times.

And all your
Smiles and cheers
And happy tears
I live by.

And words of
Wisdom that you
Talk amidst your
Silly jokes.

And some so
Meaningless yet
Etched into my
Deepest souls.

And then this
Pain I give which
Hurts you still you
Shrug it off.

And then that
Promise broken
Kills but you keep
Goin’ on.

And like the
Fragrance and the
Spring Flowers that
Whither away,

You will be
Ached for in the
Coldness of the
Winter days.

And then, like always
And forever
I will
Surely say…

My love, I still do
Love your ways.

~Almas Kiran Shamim


Monday, 13 October 2014


And then sometimes we wonder if anything that we do is worth it. When people around us continue to be sad, try as we may to alleviate their pains. There are so many things I do not understand about God and suffering is the most important one of those things. You tried so hard, so very hard. Is it really wrong to dream and wish? All I want is people I love to be happy. It kills me to see someone I love sad. How I wish I could erase things from your life that you never wanted to be there. I wish there was no pain, no hurt and no tears. And I want you to be happy. However cheesy it sounds, I do actually feel happy if you are happy. I tried in every possible way I could. What else can I do to make your pain go away? I do not know. Oh! I am sad. Coz' nothing is sadder than seeing your loved ones sad.

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

21 Reflections

1. Once upon a time, India beat Pakistan in a World Cup cricket match. One Bengali lady responding to a reporter on the streets of Calcutta, over the noise of crackers and with a mithai ka dibba in her hand, gleefully screems "Doodh maango toh kheer denge....Kashmir maango toh cheer denge." .... .... just reminded of it....

2. I am also reminded of you and you.

3. Then we have these classes on equity..capitalism....rights...justice and what not..... No wonder you don't like these teachers.... You don't believe in what they teach!

4. Anyway, I am sure my teachers have their own special I reach up to page 10 and still reach nowhere. They know the world and they never even get to click page 2.!!!!!

5. One of the most heart breaking moments of my life was when my ex had told me “Main galat thha Almas. Jee lo apni zindagi.”…. I keep reading things like ‘Something died inside me’…. Well, that evening, something died inside me.

6. And now, I feel that feeling again- of something dying inside me.

7. I don’t think it’s dead yet. It is dying. If it doesn’t die, I will kill it. No worries.

8. My ears do not ‘salivate’ anymore. Well…. Very rarely they do.. but not like earlier.

9. I recently read a HONY post which is stuck in my head. It is about a boy who waited for guests on his 10th birthday and realized, as he saw the setting sun, that no one would come. ‘It set the theme for the rest of my life’, he said..or something like that.

10. I remember my sister’s engagement. We waited for guests that never came.

11. I can very well see that the theme for my life had been set…I am just not able to figure out what exactly set that theme.

12. THIS will definitely set the theme for the rest of my life.

13. I like atheism.

14. It hurts me to find people using atheism as a veil to their hatred for certain groups. You are not atheists. You are haters. You are just warding off a ‘hater’ label being applied to your own group.

15. In our HP2 class, we were discussing the youth policy. It was formed by a group that didn’t have a single ‘youth’. The class laughed at the stupidity.

16. I am sure the class doesn’t bother what the Kashmiris think of Kashmir.

17. I was once called a borderline terrorist.

18. Sumit Kumar and Gagan Meshram- two internet friends who turned haters when they found me defending Muslim rights.

19. I don’t mind deleting people. From my contacts or from my life. I do that too easily and too often.

20. I don’t miss people. Why do I feel I’ve told it earlier as well?

21. I have voted thrice. Probably not very consequential to the nation. Two out of those three times, I have voted against Congress.

22. I am very superstitious; I think naming my cats kill them. My current cat does not have a name. We simply call him my son. ‘Mera beta’.

 23. We recently got a kitty. I named her Barbie. She died.

24. I want to wander around. All I want is the money to do it.

25. We the people of India, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a Sovereign Democratic Republic.

26. #Sickular was thought to be Constitutional, once upon a time. But then again, who follows the Constitution, right? Not me anyway!


Wednesday, 26 March 2014

On playgrounds and bhoots.

I keep thinking of writing on my blog. While walking back from the canteen, while sitting through a boring class, while so many things. But, each time I turn my laptop on there’s always something more important to be written down. I have opened this new word document midway through writing a 3000 words report for my epi class. There’s so much to read and write that I am not able to ‘read’ and ‘write’ much, which is quite a shame coz people always take time out for things and people they love. Probably I don’t love to ‘read’ and ‘write’ after all. Anyway, there’s so much on my mind that I am really not able to focus on any one thing… so, I guess I should make it just a ‘moments’ post.
This is playground no.1

We had those big playgrounds in our school when we were young. The first had cemented flooring- the basketball and volleyball courts. We had a stage there earlier. Then we had those royal steps leading down to the second ground where there used to be Diwali celebrations before our school authorities awoke to the uselessness of fireworks in such a grand way. Then we had a third ground. They grew something there. Long grasses. God knows kis cheez ka grass. And the slope that led to that ground was one of the steepest slopes for me. I remember we weren’t allowed to go to the third ground usually. And there were numerous rumours among us about the possible reasons why we weren’t allowed to go down there. The most common was, as is obviously common among all children, there is bhoot in the ground. We even claimed to have seeing a girl comb her long hair at a window near the house and disappear the next time we looked that way (though exactly how it proves that she is a bhoot is something I must question my younger self!)So, anyway, we weren’t allowed to go to that ground. But, when we were, it was like Eid for all of us and all the kids ran down that slope (the one I was talking about before being carried away by the bhoot story)as fast as they could run, screaming at the top of their voices…All of us, except one child- ME! Coz I didn’t know how to run down a slope!!! I was scared like shit! And each time I had to ask some other child to hold my hand and walk me down the slope (there weren’t many takers for this helpful position coz it deprived them of the chance of running down the slope!).
A few minutes ago I was walking towards my hostel and I saw this tree on the way. It has a fruit-ugly and dried up and I don’t think it is fruity kind of fruit, but just a fruit biologically, if you know what I mean. It reminded me of that ground with long grasses. I could almost feel being back in that ground- from where we could see Central School. We used to play bhoot-bhoot (obviously!!! ) and ghar-ghar. Some of my classmates could make samosas out of a certain kind of tree leaves (I obviously didn’t know how to!) We played ‘batla poison’ (bottle of poison) and ‘kati patang’. Ahhh!!! We now have a big auditorium in the third ground. Mother Veronica auditorium. It used to be hot and windy down there (perfect for the ‘bhoots’ that lived in the ground).

No twist in the tale. This post ends here :P

Tuesday, 18 March 2014


Life is going on. Alhamdulillah for that. But, every once in a while we come across people, things, incidents that make us wonder if there's any point in all this.
Like a big grey cloud that hovers on your head, sadness may be following you. Worse still if the sadness is not yours but of people around you. People you want to help, you try to  help, but can't.
What a helpless feeling it is- not to be able to sort things out for others.
Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Those 'manglik' kind of things. Why are the people around me sad? Why do I have to struggle always to make people happy. Or is it that this is all my job in this world is? To cheer people up. I can go on only that much. I can inspire, motivate, help, support only that much. Beyond that, I am no less a human than anyone around me. I too can crash and burn.
If only I could change fortunes, I would. If only I could make things alright, I would. If only I was God.

Now reading ... "Adultery" by 'Paulo Coelho'.



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