Sunday, 12 October 2008

I Belong to The Bay !!

I had gone to the beach today, not the one in Alleppey town, but, the one here in Punnappra. I actually went out to give shoes to the cobbler uncle, while returning, I suddenly got this urge to go to the beach… It was 5.30 at that time, so, I calculated the time I cud reach bak on the main road, if we kept 30 minutes to walk to the beach and 30 minutes to walk bak, and 10 minutes to clik a few pics and just a little splish splush splash in the water ( I call it “paav bhigana” :D), I’d still be bak quite early…

Now, in general, I’m never really bothered bout the time… I have been out alone very late into the nite also, but, I don’t like the idea of walking back this unfamiliar road after it’s dark… there are 2 reasons for it..
Firstly, the people who live along this road are mostly fishermen, especially towards the end closer to the sea… as such, people (men and women) in Alleppey have this atro habit of STAAAARING at you, in fishermen ka to kehna hi kya!!! The last time I went there was on 28th November, 2007… my b’day….:) I’d gone at around 6.30 in the morning… twas soo beautiful…newaz, that was the time I’d realized that the idea of going for a morning walk to the beach (something that I was seriously considering doing) wasn’t that gr8!!!
Second reason is that, just being out alone after sunset gives a very wrong impression bout gals, in the part of the world I’m living in…..any gal doing so is probably a p********* and if they somehow come to know that the gal is not a malayali….well, well, well, , , tab to she is DEFINITELY a p*********. I don’t care bout what people think of me, but, I really don’t want a wrong approach from anyone thinking me to be something/ someone I’m not….. it’s not the case when I’m in Alleppey town, but, this is a dfferent kind of place….so, I rather make use of the faculty of Wisdom God gave me, than get myself into such a terrible mess!

Newaz, … so, I started off for the beach…on the way I saw that beautiful statue of Jesus(A.S) , in this one Jesus (A.S) is shown with the Cross, not ON the Cross, but, WITH the Cross and He (A.S) is dressed up beautifully with a Crown on His Head (not the thorn crown, but, a real King’s crown)… I mean, I’ve seen many pics of Jesus(A.S) as a king, and many on the Cross, but, never as a King standing with the Cross….I find it sooo amazing… probably others mite have seen many such, but, newaz , I haven’t…

Coming back to the beach…. Well, I took only 15 minutes to walk to the beach… guess, I’d forgotten how long it had taken me the previous time coz’ it’s been so long!
……………. I felt so peaceful, initially (why initially, I’d mention that l8r)…the beach along the coast of Alleppey is so big as compared to the ones at home…. There , because they are only island beaches, they cannot stretch for that long…… but, here, the beach seems never ending… I had lots of time…(coz’ it’s only a 15 minutes walk from the NH, instead of 30 as I had thot ), so, I just sat down on the sand lukin at the sunset… I have taken a few pics and 2 videos… will try to attach, but, I don’t know if I’ll be able to coz’ I use my mobile modem…so, it’s really slow… besides the pics and videos too have been shot by my N73M’s cam.. it’s only 3.2mpx…so, there’s not much clarity… maybe I shud put them on orkut, its easier…newaz….a few pics are here..

There’s sumthing bout the sea which really unnerves me (ya, I got unnerved l8r, and that’s why I had told ‘I felt peaceful INITIALLY’). The sea, to be true, scares me… I feel as if it will come up and swallow me … is it coz’ of the Tsunami experience or the fear my father once had (both of these I shall, InshaAllah, mention in separate posts) , I don’t know… but, I get this really overwhelming feeling lukin at the sea…… even wen I’m away from it and just think of the sea… it fills me with a feeling that is more than just fear… but, yes fear is definitely a part.. guess, I inherited it from abbu (just to mention briefly, my father had a severe phobia which included fear of many things in its realm, one of those being ‘travellin’…. He didn’t have this problem from ever but definitely it holds true for the time during which I was conceived, so, I assume it to be inherited… well, I do imagine train accidents and train fires once in a while… but, you cant imagine the way my stomach squeezes at the thot of ‘flying’ or ‘swimming’ across the huge Bay of Bengal… but, mind you it’s only the thot that scares me,,,, I’m not like shits INSIDE the plane but OUTSIDE it….) …..

A child was playing there, his grandfather, kept callin him back.. the child’s name was Steve… probably a fisherman family….As I watched the sun hiding behind the clouds, that grandfather uncle told me that it isn’t so beautiful, wen there are no clouds it’s really beautiful coz’ then you see the sun actually setting in the horizon…….. truly, how beautiful it wud luk.. the sun drowning ……water eating up fire…….but, I don’t like this last metaphor I wrote… I’m a Sagi, a Fire sign.. I don want to be eaten up by water……. But, its so confusing you know.. I love the sea, yet I’m scared of it.. I say I’m a fire sign when my dreams are all full of water and mermaids…….. I don’t understand a bit of all this….but, then, there are so many things which have been hidden from us….!!!

It’s strange that when I was at home, I have been to beaches, to hills from wher I cud see the sea…and I remember very well that I have been in these very places during the sunset time…but I don’t remember having seen the sun sink into the water.. never… is it coz’ I have never been alone to a beach there and have always been busy talking or whatever? Or, is it because Port Blair is on the eastern side of the island…that we can’t possibly see such a view? (ya, I know.. it’s a shame.. but, it’s only now that I realize how poor geographical knowledge I have of my home.)

Newaz, have you ever noticed that the sun sets so quickly? At noon, when we want it to move down the sky, it hardly even moves…. But, the sunset which we really want to absorb is over in an eye’s blink.. you just turn away for a second to reply to someone who called out your name or something as short as that , and you look back and lo! The sun’s gone…… strange how all good moments are so short, so fleeting, so beyond our grasp, and yet so everlasting. Isn’t it????

As I stepped into the water, I realized how far away from home I am… this sea always does this…it makes me realize that I’m on the western coast of India and this is the Arabian sea… if I set sail from here…and go straight.. I mite reach Africa, a little noth and I mite be in Pakistan or the Gulf but newaz, never home…. Home is on the other side…when I stand on the Kerala coast and look straight, I’m looking at lands far more strange than the land I now stand on, far more ‘unhomely’ than the place I now live in… when I stand on the Kerala coast and luk straight, I’m actually showing my back to the place I call Home…. Ther’d b vry few words as beautiful as ‘home’ . ‘mummy’ is THE most beautiful word….. 

I do love Kerala, but, I will never be able to love the Arabian Sea… I don’t dislike it or anything of that sorts…… it’s just that these are not my waters…….. My water is the Bay….. I belong to the Bay…… I miss the Bay…..and I miss my home, my land , my soil ( well, I typed it my sand and then erased to write soil… , probably coz’ I’m envisioning Carboyn’s Cove(name of a beach back home), just thot of mentioning it.)
And I miss my family……….. all that I have to treasure.
Allah hafiz

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