(PLEASE DON’T READ THIS, YOU’D DEFINITELY GET BORED…. HOWEVER, I’M WRITING COZ’ I FEEL LIKE)
The first thing I know that is bad about me is that
I DON’T BELIEVE IN FRIENDSHIP
Well, not exactly, just that ive had some very bad times in friendship and so, im scared of this word…. This has made me aloof and I come across to people as highly snobbish….newaz, whatev…
Shall I start from the start?
The first few friends I remember were all boys…
Abdul Armaan, a few years elder to me, son of a barber (they had rented our house), this barber later became one of my father’s best friends….. but, at that time (am talking of early 90’s) they were simply tenants.
Abdul Rehmaan, my age, Armaan’s younger brother ……. Both from Bihar/ U.P… don know where exactly, newaz they had that peculiar urdu…. Every thing ended in ‘va’ … “armanva, rehmanva, dukanva… :D”
Sarfaraz Taqui, (I call him by his nick name,Aashu) same age, father’s colleague’s son, bihar….
Rajesh Gupta , father’s friend’s son, a few years elder
Kamal Gupta, Rajesh’s younger brother, my age (at least that’s wat I used to think back then, that Kamal is of my age, but, as we grew up… he kept growing more than me.. after a few years, he was 6 months ahead, …. After a few more years, he was a year ahead… and finally now, it’s been settled that he’s 2 years ahead of me, I wonder how?????? I never failed or dropped a year…. But, I don wat happened that I suddenly ‘know’ that the naatu Kamal I used to play with, is 2 years elder to me..huh!!!)….they are from U.P.
All of the above, except Rehmaan, were friends before school….we played a lot, :) , mostly girly games…. Teacher-teacher… ghar-ghar…..doctor-doctor… :D I don know why these boys agreed to play these stupid games with me… probably, they too were very young and cudn really differentiate between the ‘girly’ and ‘boyish’…
Newaz, these 4 friends didn’t remain for long….
Rajesh and Kamal were not in my school, we didn’t live close by, and above all we were not of the same sex (,….. I never went to play cricket in the grounds, never participated in things like “aaj who basti ka ladka log se ladai hai .. aa jana”, never sat on the railings…etc etc… these are ways by which boys from different schools and different classes maintain their acquaintances (I wont say friendship))
Though Aashu was in my class, my school, he somehow got lost in the crowd, only to pop up again as one of my best friends in 7th.
Armaan continued to be a gr8 friend, until, we both grew up, me… busy in school, he, busy in his shop…..
Same goes for Rehmaan….
( Amusingly, Armaan, Rehmaan always called me ‘aap’ :D)
Meanwhile, I made another friend, Shipra, a tenants’s daughter, but, this tenant was way way richer than us…. It showed…. We moved apart a few years later….btw, they are Rajasthanis.
School started… I was a rotu raam .. hated school like Bush hates Osama (if at all, he hates him)…. Didn’t make friends… though “Rekha” can be called a friend…. She told me not to cry, not to think about mummy etc. etc. ……she was a south Indian……
I entered Mount Carmel ….. and continued crying…..Aashu was still a friend, he was my “bhai”, my rakhi bhai…. He used to wipe my tears… used to tell me “koi kuchh bole to bhai ko bolna”…. :)
In my first standard, no one liked me, coz’ I used to cry cry cry,,,,,, Vidya Nair, Malayali used to scare me saying she’ll lock me up in the class room and go away…. I kept changing friends in months.. Ancy Thomas, malayali….Abhirupa Roy, Bengali…….and finally, Saheba Mumtaz :) :) :)………my father’s classmate’s daughter… she was a localite (Bengali native) (in the true sense of the word :D, spoke the “true” Andamani dialect of Hindi :D)… I got my first ‘group’:) …. Saheba and I fought like cats and dogs, or rather, I shud say .. I fought with her like cats fight dogs :D … still, we were best friends…. In 4th , we were in different sections… she got another friend, Nandita Menon….. I hate her to- date for stealing my friend away :( ……..newaz all was still good, until…..
Until I stood first in class 5th , …….. my ‘group’ didn’t remain a group, Ritika Chanda, Bengali, (who, until then was the first rank holder, and had somehow got really close to me, while Saheba went away) suddenly seemed to be absorbed in others… when we sat in the group having our lunch… Saheba spoke to Nandita (who had been taken in the ‘group’) and Ritika to the other Bengalis, in Bengali…. She used English and Hindi for very general statements….. I wasn’t close to the others……
I started getting close to the ‘scoring’ students… it happens, when you are at the top, others at the top come closer, one stumble and you have no one to support you…..
In 6th, I made many friends…. All were the ‘toppers’ and two other gals…. Sadaf Shahwar, Punjabi, her father had come in some transferable job…. And Priya Syriac, Malayali, her father in Defence….. Priya and Sadaf were to change my life…..
Newaz, I kept getting closer to Sadaf and Priya, (bcoz’ my ‘group’ was ignoring me)…. One day Sadaf asked me to join her ‘group’ coz newaz we had become best friends…. I told her I can’t coz’ I just can’t walk out of a ‘group’ of 5 years…. “my group members will feel bad”, I told Sadaf.
The next week, I stayed back in the classroom during the lunch break to tie ‘ friendship band’ to Priya….. I went to have lunch with my ‘group’ late… when I reached.. all were silent…. I asked them what was wrong….
Ritika told, “we don’t want our group members to share their food with others.”
I told them I wasn’t sharing my food , ( I showed them my lunch box), I told ki I was late coz I was tying Priya a friendship band.
Ritika said, “ jo bhi,…, we don’t like our group members to be with others all the time”
I told that it was only coz’ they hardly speak to me now-a-days… ( Saheba gave me an “oh really????” look)
No one told anything…
I told, “ seedha bolo na, you don’t want me to be in your group”
Ritika said, “ ha.. we don’t want you in our group.. and I’m not telling this by myself… I’m saying this on behalf of the whole group”
I told fine and left………………..
The group of 5 years…. “my group members will feel bad”, I had told Sadaf…
I didn’t have it in me to face Sadaf that time… I went to Priya…. Her ‘group’ had other gals, Shilpa Pandey (yupps!!!! My current “best friend”… DehraDun, Uttarakhand), and Sherin John, Diji Daniel, Leeba Thomas, all Malayalis…………
I told her, I shall be with you coz’ all this has happened………….she said fine……….
The next day’s lunch break, I reach the place where my new group used to sit….. I see only Priya and Diji…………………………… Shilpa doesn’t want to be in the same group as Almas……………………… Shilpa was the second rank holder……….
Can’t write anymore……..enuf of pain for now……..
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