Tuesday, 15 April 2008

May God teach you good lessons. . .

Assalam . . .
this extremely stupid hostel has raised the rent of single rooms . . Single rooms alone. . . To 2300. . . . 600 increased. . . I had a big fight with those so called nuns . . . I really wonder how can they tell that they have DEVOTED THEIR LIVES TO GOD . . . Crap. . Am sure God will teach them a good lesson. . . Yesterday sister Rossette had a good time watching tv for 5 hours and the good part is that she saw F tv . . And when the other gals came she tuned to the malayalam news channels. . . . She missed her afternoon prayers . . . The nun missed her afternoon prayers for Ftv . . You see.. .

and today there are many many more gals. . . From kottayam. . .it feels as if our hostel has been bought by the Kotayam nursing college . . .
im just so disgusted. .

i had gone to see Kailasa . . Bt twas closd . . . Will go tomorrow inshaAllah. .

newaz. . Tatas

allah hafiz

Sunday, 13 April 2008

MJ. . . . A muslim ? ? ? ?

A few days back i was in one of those orkut communities. . . . Where everyone hates Islam and everything related to Islam. . . There someone had posted that Michael Jackson's conversion to Islam speaks a gr8 deal bout what Islam is and the kind of people Muslims are. . .
now. . . i had no idea of this. . . Newaz. . Last night. . I searched google and found that MJ had been into some organisation called "Nation Of Islam". . Had something to do with the blacks in America. . .That site gave names of many many famous black Muslims of the U.S . . Who had reverted to Islam when in jail . . Mostly for grave crimes like murder and rape. . .One famous name i remember now is of Mike Tyson . . All these people reverted when faced with mishaps in their lives. . . The site presented is a racial dilection towards this religion. . . They were not being overtly criticizing. . But a very subtle demeaning of Islam was done. . (or perhaps i imagined) well. . . I called up Azhar . . He too didnt know anything bout. .Perhaps coz we are away from home. .And not in that gr8 an access to tv. . . Well. . MJ now lives in Bahrain and has reportedly bought a big mosque there. .

how much of it is a truth. . . I have no idea. . . But i just hope MJ stops his doings . . At least now that he is in Islam. . .Otherwise as one of the comments read. . . No country can make such a mockery of Islam as can the conversion of MJ to Islam can. . .

seeing that he is so out of news now. . . Probably he is being a good boy. . Lolz :-) May Maalik keep him out of news. . . aameen

Saturday, 12 April 2008

Dearest Allah. . .

I begin in Your Name
I am so grateful to You. . For all that You have given me. . . I have shouted at You at times and been an ungrateful gal. . I know. . .Please forgive me for that. . . After all its just You. .Who else? Right? :-) . . You are our buddy.. . You know us inside out. . .Why we cry, why we laugh, why we sigh, why we quarrel. . . Nothing is hidden from You. . . Still it feels so good to talk to You. . ,
i know that the closest we are to You is during sijdah of namaz. . .But cant i talk to You just like that. . .The way i do usually. . . You know how. :-) . . I can , right ? Ha ha ha . . :-) i assume Your answer to be a yes. . . Lolz. . . Well, i haven studied anything since morning. . . Why am i not able to study God? ? ? I used to be the topper. . You remember? . . Whats wrong with me. . See i don wanto be all that gr8 coz i have realized in life that studies are a waste. . . But i just wanto pass through. . The world You have made has some stupid rules and i have gotto live in it means i have gotto follow. . If not all, atleast some. . . But please guide me in choosin my career. . . I don wanto be doin what i most probably will do if You dont give me the strength and courage to stand up against conventional norms. . . I am scared God, i am just a human. . . Please Yaar. . Help me out. . . I don wanto be so messed up all my life. . .who knows better than You what i want. . .whateva it is , it is definitely not a scientific career. . . So please help me. . . And just see me thru this mess. .You have put me into. . . You will take me out i know. . .Just help me THRU it i mean. . When its over, it ll be over. . . But While its on. . Its a hell. . . So just help me THRU it and also later and forever. . And make me a good gal. . Who obeys you in every way. . I am a bad gal. . I don wanto be one. . . And grant me khuloos at prayer. . And just be with me. . .Coz i cant move alone. . .And i am a Muslim, to You alone will i bow down, to You alone will i ask for help. . . You have always given me the bestest best. . . You love me a lot. . Dont You? :-) :-) :-) thanx. . :-) :-) :-) lolz. . . I love You too. . .Not as much. . Possibly cant. . You know it. . But i have faith in You. . .with all my heart and soul. . .Never take it away. . Coz i am lost without my faith. . . And keep me close to Huzur(SAW) coz Him i love ohhhhh soooooo much. . . Dats how humans are. . . I mean normal humans. .. . Expressing for You is difficult. . Coz You are . . . Just sooooooo beyond words. . .But expressing for a human is easier. . :-) lolz. . Hope You don mind. . :-) Take care. . Of me. . .
I end too in Your Name. .

I pray to you. .

Our Lord , who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day
Our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from all evil
This prayer we make for your Love's sake
Amen

Monday, 7 April 2008

Nothing is clear. . .

Assalam . . I am so sorry. . . I know its all my fault. . . Im screwing your life bad. . . But . .You have no idea what im doin to my own life. . . .My time table is all messed up. . . No time . . What to do. . .i just want to pass. . . Just clear it through. . .So that i get closer to the day of returning home. . .Allah please help me. . Aameen

Sunday, 6 April 2008

Im the Phoenix. . .

Im over, im finished. . . No one can ever love you, the way i did, no one will change for you the way i changed. . . . If there was anything that made you upset. . . I have avoided it like hell. . . I still remember , i hadn gone to many functions. . Coz you are always sad on the days i am happy. . . Have you missed any happiness, to keep me from feeling sad? No, you haven , and you wont, coz you cant. . . Your love is normal. . . Like everyoone's . . . May god give you 'patli, gori,kateeli' gal. . .like you want. . . But she wnt b Almas newaz. . . She wont be what i am. . .Coz there is no one like me. . . You have crushed me. . .Maybe knowingly, maybe unknowingly. . . But , im done. . . Its ok. . .Coz. . I will rise again. . . I have always said. . . God never gives me anything lesser than the best. . . He might not give me what i want. . .But He gives me the best. . .And this keeps me going. . .i bounce back better than most who fall. . .There are many who don fall. . .Many who fall. . And don try to get up again. . .Many who fall, try to get up but fail. . . But i fall, and bounce back. . . Each time. . . I shall rise again. . . Im the Phoenix. . . I shall rise up from my burnt ashes. . .. I shall forget you 1 day. . . If then some1 asks me bout you, it will take me some time to actually understand what they are talking bout. . . I love you. . .And love never dies. . .i shall love you till my last breath. . . Only. . You wont exist in my conscious. . .Coz you don deserve to. . . Not your fault. . .You are just like the rest. . . . And you know im the best. . . And hey, its no jest. . .In this gr8 life test. . Victorious will be MY zest. . :-) . . I know its not your fault. . . You did nothing purposely. . . But, you know they say the first love in life is self love. . . You too showed just that. . . And there is no harm in it. . . Coz its right. . . But i had loved you more than self. ..Maybe for an instant in this long life. . But yes i had. . . And i pay for it. . . So , i shall love myself more than every1 . . . Coz the love i deserve . . Can be given only by me. . . Allah has not made a second one to love the way i do. . . So i shall be the Phoenix. . .And rise up again. . . Collect the broken pieces of my life and make a life again. . .I deserve the best i know. . And if Allah is with me. . . I shall shine forever. . Ill be the star again. . Aameen. . .Summa aameen

Saturday, 5 April 2008

Help me Allah. . .

Assalam. . . Im lost. . And i cant find a way out. . .The way is right in front of me. . .i cant see it. . . Its so very visible. . . I cant walk. . . Im alone. . . Its so suffocating. . I want to die. . .But i want to live. . . Im so lonely. . . Im jealous of every1. . . I hate the world. . . . Im so lonely. . . . I cry . . . I speak to the walls. . . . Im so lonely. . . .You love me. . .But i know you dont. . . . Or maybe. . I dont. . . . Who knows?. . . .Who knows wont speak. . . Will laugh at us humans. . . .coz He is not 1 . . . Im sorry i blaspheme. . . Forgive me. . .And make it easier for me. . . And make me stronger. . . And make me grateful. . . And i want a different world. . .All according to me. . . . Not a drop of tear would fall from my eyes. . . Not a sigh , not a moan would escape my lips. . . Allah. . Do you see me? Please do. . . Coz there is no one else to. . . Im so lonely. . .You have put me into this . . .You've got to take me out now. . . Coz. . I cant take it anymore. . . I feel like dying. . .But you tell its a sin. . . .What am i supposed to do? . . . Am i turning into misanthropist? Allah save me please. . . I want to run away. . Where everything is beautiful. . . Where i would never cry, never be alone. . Never need to compromise., never need anything at all. . . .Never feel bad. . .Never be jealous. . .Grant me pardon Maalik. . And grant all my rightful wishes. . .Aameen. . Summa aameen. .

Friday, 4 April 2008

Kerala Backwaters. . . 2nd trip.

Assalam. . Today my batch has come for boating in the alleppey backwaters. . In kerala. . .its been sponsored by the community medicine department of our college. As a treat for the survey we conducted on the consumption of DEC tablets for filariasis... . Its a beautiful experience. . . . The first time i had gone was with my boyfriend. . It was in a smaller boat. . .But since it was my first time, i found it simply superb. . . Not that today was boring. . .Still, relatively. . .My sis too has been to the backwaters , in one of those big house boats. . .But she didnt enjoy much. . . Shes mad. . . I would die to go in those beautiful house boats with my husband. . . I wish i get a chance. . . I love water. . . You know. . .i am a JaLpArI. , :-) :-) :-) Allah hafiz. .

OLLASIS. .

Of lost love a song I sing
I, with a broken wing !
Falling from the heaven to soil. . .
Tales of love with me I bring!

I loved a man, that was my sin
I lost my heart in am eye's blink!
Of earth are made you men, not me . .
I with a broken wing!

The malice in your heart did win
My kingdom shunned me ever since,
I'll drown you in my sea of tears
I with a broken wing!

--------AKShamim
Now reading ... "The Witch of Portobello" by 'Paulo Coelho'.

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