Sunday, 23 November 2008

Hijab - A Conversation Between Two so-called Muslims!!

An interesting conversation took place today.. between a friend and me…. This friend is a male, Muslim, Malayali, medico (not Aleppey medical college, but some other medical college in Kerala) whom I had met at the All- Kerala intermeds held last year at Kottayam (for anyone who has read a certain post in my blog “Jalpari” where I mention bout another male, Muslim, Malayali friend whom I met last year at the intermeds.. Shanoob Azad…..plz plz don’t mistake this person for Shanoob.. I’m not talking bout Shanoob …so plz…) we have a common friend…

After the intermeds too, we kept in touch thru messages and of course the grt grt Orkut.. During my final sessionals…this friend helped me a grt deal by teling me wats important, wats not.. coz’ I had told him that I find mbbs reeeally difficult…
Recently, he had started sending me messages (sms) in Malayalam.. bout general things.. I used to reply in english… last nite he sent me a message in which he had mentioned bout the intermeds (this year’s intermeds are scheduled from 27-30 at Alleppey :) ).. I told him, amidst other things. That I shall wear the headscarf from 28th inshaAllah… I slept after sending the message… and read the reply only today morning…

I shall write the conversation (thru SMS) that took place between him and me…. Word to word.. the same…

To most of his questions I have simply said him to read up…. Not coz’ I don’t know if he is rite or wrong.. but coz I am no hafizah (nor do I intend to be one…at least no such wishes in me at present) and no scholar… so I cant go bout citing verses… I can only ask the saamne waala person to read the Translations and tafsirs of the Quran Paak…. I have been reading the Quran Translation daily (minus the days in which I’m prohibited to touch the Book) Alhamdulillah, since August 2005… and trust me it helps a lot in makin you a better person. But, that doesn mean that I can quote from the Quran…

You know, its something like.. people tell to read the textbooks thoroughly, coz then, you at least have some idea bout everything.. and for the exam , you can at least score a pass mark…by writing a bit of wat u know and a bit of ‘gas’….
But, with Quran Paak, you cant write ‘gas’…. Newaz… I will try to clear things said by this boy.. one by one… over a period of time…( I attend college, remember?? So, I cant be on the net all day..)… for now, im posting the little’ chat’…

Btw…. Lets call him ALI……..

Ali: Almas suhruthe.. enthu parayunnu.. bhakshanam kazhicho..intermedinu
varumbol thaangal kanumallo alle…avide ippol eniku kure suhruthukal undu.. elavareyum kaananam ennundu…thaangal ethelam vibhagangalil malsarikunundu… ithavanayum aangaleya katharachnayaku kaanumallo alle… shariyenal.. baaki nalle….!!! Shubha ratri nerunnu

Almas: ( I replied .. but the message got erased from my sent items folder before I reached the hostel, so, I cudn copy it… newaz.. in this I casually mentioned that I shall inshaAllah be wearing the head scarf from 28th onwards)

Ali: Holy god... Scarf..? why, you turned that religious all of a sudden or wat..arae yaar.. Don’t hide urself behind a piece of cloth.. you wont lose anything if others see that pretty face of yours..!!

Almas: Scarf doesn’t cover the face (Ali).. and I have always been religious minus the scarf… I had tried in 12th.. even the first 4 months of 1st year…. But I cudn continue coz I dint have family support… they used to make fun of me..but now I think its high time… God is above family.. :) :) newaz get ready and run to college… don’t sit with ur cel now… :p tatas

Ali: I know… It doesn’t cover the face… But it really looks stupid..!! Me too am religious… No where in our Holy Book it is said that females are supposed to wear scarf… And dear, don’t think otherwise keto… I dint mean to offend you…!! Just that I expressed my view… If I had a girl I wud never allow her to wear scarf…!!! Anyways … take care… Bye…

Almas: Surah Noor verse 31… Surah Ahzab verse 59.. Quran Paak

Ali: Tell me what it says…

Almas: Its long I will type later.. if its ok.. gotto get the bus da… I will send it while im in the bus.

Almas: “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons or, their sisters’ sons, or their women, or their slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye believers! Turn ye all together towards God, that ye may attain bliss.” 24:31 Quran Paak

Ali: Dear friend… If you wanna follow each and everything, which others claim, was told by our Holy Lord, you better live all alone by yourself in a closed room…!!! Truly, I should not be watching even a news report… coz the lady reading the news mite not have covered her aurath… That means outside my house I must blindfold myself coz’ I’ll be seeing a lot of females outside, that way… But I don’t do that.. so, does that make me a non-Muslim? way… A Muslim gal is not supposed to romance… Literally she is supposed to be completely under her father’s orders till marriage and husband’s after marriage.. Tell me kutti.. is it possible today?.. A Muslim gal never enjoys the freedom which you are enjoying right now… So all together… if you wanna be a pakka Muslim, you should not be living in this age… Just think ours is a beautiful religion but has been interpreted in the wrong way always… No God will ask His creations to live a caged life… He loves us… Cares for us… He is not that strict… He knows that humans have weaknesses… All He is asking for is to live a righteous life… I’m not offending you kutti… But you must understand… Of course, this is your life… Live it the way you want to… But never let your life be led by false believers…take care dear…lots of love…(Ali):) :)

Almas: “O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters and the believing women that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad) : that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And God is Oft-Forgiving and Most Merciful.” 33:59 Quran Paak

Ali: But that’s not an answer to my last message dear

Almas: How much we follow is up to us.. you are free to follow or not. But you are not free to say that Quran doesn’t command so… say that yes, Quran commands but I don’t follow..

Ali : Almas… you sent of

Almas: my messages are not getting delivered da

Almas: your faith, your interpretation, your god, your life, your death… you too take care.. tatas…

Almas: the answer to your last message is all over the internet… man shud have the courage to know that he is wrong.. God has prescribed things.. you follow it or not is a personal decision… you told that Quran doesn’t say so…so I gave the verses.. of course Islam is a tough religion.

Ali: Dear.. you sent me all these… I appreciate that.. I respect that.. But citing few quotes is not sufficient.. Just ask yourself whether you will be following all these or not… Whether you can have such a life in this period… Think deeply and answer honestly…

Almas: I am answering honestly (Ali).. I will try my best to follow.. I hope you know Islam is a universal religion.. has come till the end of the world.. tomorrow if Dajjal comes, people will say God is merciful… He will forgive, He will understand that to be able to live happily we are forced to call Dajjal God… we are still Muslims, we will enter heaven…this attitude is bull shit

Ali: Ya.. I got them together.. You said Islam is a tough religion… the answer is a big NO… it’s the simplest religion… Over time it was subjected ten [he sent it incomplete, I think]

Almas: Islam is a tough religion,.. for people who don’t wish to obey the commands, like you are saying, it will obviously be easy……..for those who wish to obey. It is difficult.

Ali: Dear, You believe in what others say… Discovering the truths of a religion makes it simple… Whatever you say, God wont make something that’s tough for his followers

Almas: like you said, you will be able to do hardly anything, in today’s age…, it’s difficult if you still wish to follow everything today

Almas: besides the Quran itself says that there are many who believe in part of the Book and disbelieve in the other part.. its just dat.. and bout women… I cant write such a lot.i will really request you to read up… Islam gives the highest position to women.. read up comparative religion… (only if you wish to) hijab is not oppression.. not at all..chalo then tc tatas..

Almas: You are free to disbelieve, you are not free to twist the Book…and by others what dyu mean? Is Muhammad someone ‘other’? I wont argue (Ali).. please search.. and I too hate listening to maulvis.. newaz.. am entering OP… tatas

Ali : Of course yes.. Only Islam gives this lot of respect to females… even a surah in the name of Mariam.. by all way it is a great religion. But dear, before following any religion understand something… All religions ask humans to lead a righteous and simple life… not a stressful one..

Almas : YOU plz understand islam, .. I wud request you to read books of Islam, than to news of reporters.. ok.. da I cant reply now… oki sir vannu

Ali : No I never said that.. nor am I trying to twist anything… know wat, the concept of religion first arose when there was a need for an order in society… and thus came different know why everyone believes so strongly in their religion.. because every person thinks that his religion is right… and that’s the main reason why people fight over religion… it has been happenin throughout… no one tries to understand other religion and that’s the main reason they are unaware of the goodness of other religions… every religion is good.. think this way… born as a Christian, almas would have never thought of wearing a scarf.. na…because then you would have thought only bible is true and that all other holy books are bull shit…

Almas : Bible prescribes scarf… please clear your concepts first… religion arose wen order for society was needed, by whom? People? No… read the story of creation of the world, read the history of Islam… you will know… no point in my telling everythin… internet and books are all available.. just read the tafsir of the Book.

Ali : may be.. I dunno about bible.. I just wanted to cite an example…But then your beliefs would have been different if you were a Christian…and dear friend don’t believe in wat you see in net… think logically.. that must be the basic human nature.. not merely believing whatever things you come across.

Ali : Fine dear.. you said that humans had no role in the formation of religion… tell me dear.. then why are there so many religions.. if it was a process directly under the guidance ( I hope so) of the Holy God, there should have been only one religion… na… so, this thing gets even more confusing.. that’s why I request you to think logically rather than just believing…

Ali : Dear friend.. my questions are still unanswered.. I dunno whether you’ll be able to find an answer this life time… this topic has been under discussion for quite some time…I wont blame you… its difficult… just would like to tell you something.. never stay within the realm of particular concept.. think freely… act locally.. why are there so many religions, if it was God who made them…? (hope you’ll agree wid the fact that there is only one God)… Would you still stand for everything said in our Holy Book if you were born wid some other religion…? ( wud you not believe in the contents of the other Holy Book then…?)… And tell me what makes you think that Islam is a tough religion… You wanna follow all that’s given in our Holy Book na.. For such a person she wont be thinking of Islam as a tough one, for she would be ready to embrace the religion and smile however tough it mite be… And she wont be calling it tough… but you call it tough… why..? And wat proof you’ve to say that wat u’re reading in net or something is not something that have been tampered wid over centuries..?!.. And when someone decides to follow these things they must follow them completely… Should not be like they are following tiny bits from here and there according to their wish and comfort…! Na…kutti… you mite be angry with me…!! Sorry if I hurt you by any means.. just that I’m strongly against being this orthodox and you being my friend I thot I must be sharing my thots.. take care dear.. all the best..

Almas :Firstly, I say its tough coz it is… it is tough for me to wear hijab wen there are people like you, to avoid music, not to look at boys, to tell the truth.. and yet I am trying.. you think all the people who accepted Islam found it easy? You are wrong.. Islam is definitely a difficult religion.. you have to keep yourself clean.. and not take bribe, and so many things.. and yes, im doin all this coz I am a muslim by the grace of god.. Had I been a hindu I mite not… But don’t you know that Islam is the largest growing religion? There are thousands of people accepting Islam in spite of being totally away from Islam.. So, if God had destined me to be a dweller of heaven I wud have accepted Islam even after being a non-muslim… but let us look at wat the situation is now…

Almas : I AM thinking freely..its you who are not…no one forced me to wear hijab… I read, I realize, I do..

Almas: Of course, that’s what im telling, we shudn believe in tiny bits… I will
believe that there is one God, but I will be into singing and dancing, coz its difficult to avoid.. I believe in Muhammad as the last Prophet.. but I wont practice hijab coz it looks stupid…..

Ali : arey yaar. Cant I share my thoughts.. is it a wrong thing to do… did I ever tell you that you should avoid something… as I said before.. your life your wish…I’m not forcing you to avoid way.. everyone has personal interests and must follow them.. and those who are strong enuf will not fall whatever the temptations mite be.. understood?

Almas : have you ever read the translation of the Quran?

Almas : Yupps.. I did :)

Ali : I’ve read some part of it… very little… but I’ve read a lot of books on Islam..and I think that’s a better way of knowing what others think of Islam…And I’m proud of being a Muslim… I’ll always be… and in the last message you sent me you are contradicting yourself..

Ali : good for you if you have..

Almas :no am not.. you are… you say you pray.. who told you to?.. God, isn’t it?.. you keep fasts? Why? God told you to..Likewise im tryin to do all things that God told me to.. things that are written clearly in the Quran

Ali : you say all this and at the same time you say that you cant avoid dance or singing. So, wats the use in speaking all this..

Almas: I said im finding it difficult.. when did I say im not avoidin? And btw.. did I say I hav become all pure and holy?i told im goin to wear scarf.. you told there are no such verses.. I told the verses… then you told don’t listen to it… coz newaz I wont be able to listen to all the told that… what did I say?i just told im trying… coz believing in only a part of the Quran makes me a hypocrite.. a munafiq.. there is a whole surah named surah Munafiqoon.. read it when you get time..

Ali : ya.. I do.. I do that coz it gives me hope.. it makes me strong.. and because I’m a God-fearing person to the core… you too did fast na… But, after the holy month you mite have done things not supposed to be done by you.. so ultimately all the pain you took turned out to be of no use.. so wats the use almas?? Man accepts things according to his wish.. that’s the basic human nature..

Almas : So are you telling me that you have been all good after Ramzaan? You too must have sinned in many ways.. why did you fast then? Coz it clears ur system??? Why not go for a 30 days fast now? Instead of ramzan? Why do we do it in Ramzaan? Coz God told thru Mohammed.. also written in the Holy, I only said im tryin to do all such things..newaz.. I wud recommend you reading the translation of the Book fully.

Ali : nope almas… I never said you to avoid.. I did question the use of it..

Ali : nope… who told that if you fast in months other than Ramzan it wont be accepted… of course it will be accepted… just that your soul needs to be pure and your intentions good.

Ali : and I don’t claim to have done no sins after the Holy Month…. Of course I have.. and that’s my first had experience based on which I told you all this.. and for the same reason I don’t claim to be a pakka muslim (if a Muslim ought to the way you said).. I know my intentions… I’ve faith in lord and that’s more than enough for me to lead a good life

Almas : And you wont fast during Ramzan?????????? Ramzan fastin is farz for all except the sick, the traveler and the menstruating women.. all have to finish it later in the year.. if they miss that month… and there are other means like feeding another fastin person in case you are too sick to do it later too… for all practical purposes it is absolutely farz to fast during the month of ramzan.. third pillar of Islam, my dear.. is not sunnat or nafil.. its farz.

Ali : I’m very well aware of it almas and I’ve studied the religion for sometime… did I say that it is correct to avoid fasting in the holy month… go back to my message.. I said that fasting in other months too will be accepted.. not that one shoul avoid fasting in Ramzan.

Almas : yupps I agree, every word.

Ali : you need not agree my dear friend… what I said is bout my life and experience.. I wanna live as a free person behaving within the limits of society and with faith within.. I believe that everyone should… its that very faith which help me live in peace and breathe freely.. and its not the feeling that I’m doing everything according to the Book, that helps me live… Respect the Lord who gave us this life and make it a good one… It’s a personal decision on what gives you satisfaction… always follow your heart.. if it says you to do what you are planning to do, go for it… 101% that wud be correct for you because you believe in that… not for me coz I don’t.. I only wish to accept the better part…. I cant be that orthodox…Allah has given each and every one of us a mind and heart… use them both..

Ali : Almas you angry wid me?!! Plz don’t be keto… :) :) … you’ll be there in my prayers… include me too in yours… what if time proves me wrong…!!!

Ali : Almas… yaar.. plz be kind enough to send me something dear… its ok even if you call me names..!! I cant lose a good friend like you.. :) :) :)

Almas :yupps .. I too agree.. :) we are all independent..:) and no da am not angry and all.. we were talking.. and I think its pretty ok to differ in views :) :) oki then. Tc tatas.

Ali: yup.. good girl.. :) :) :) almas jalpari… bye .. take lots of care.. hope Azhar too have thots similar to yours… take care dear… my prayers… good luck.. :) :)

Almas: sorry for replying late, was havin lunch :) oki good luck to you too.. tatas

So… that’s it!!!
I showed the messages to Anisa and Aneesha (both Muslims in my surgery unit, my batch)… they too were amazed had how misguided a Muslim can be in a world where knowledge and information is available as it had never been…. And we were amazed coz it’s a so-called Muslim speakin this way… not a non-Muslim.. most non-Muslims talk this way… but I had only ‘heard’ of Muslims who are soooo highly ignorant of the Book we call Holy….of course there are many many many Muslims not wearing the hijab (including me at present), who consume alcohol, practice pre-marital sex… etc, etc.. and yet most of them at least KNOW that all this is prohibited in their religion…. What my friend here said was that hijab is not even mentioned in the Quran… now, such ignorance is uncommon… he also talked bout ‘why God made many religions’ etc. etc. .. answers have been told by God Almighty Himself in the Quran.. I will, inshaAllah.. write them as I get time…. And he kept on questioning my source… well my source as I quoted is the Quran… not Zakir Naik or an Imam or a Maulvi… if you don’t agree to the Quran.. you are saying either of 2 things..
1. that you disbelieve the Quran … (even if its 1 line, or 1 word…).. so, you are disbelieving what God said……????????????????????????????.. you disbelieve in God being God??????????
2. you are implying that the source of Quran is not correct ( coz you keep mentioning ‘not to believe in others’ and ‘source can be tampered with’).. I have mentioned no source but the Quran.. the Quran, as we know is the same as my grandfather read it, and as his grandfather read it and also his grandfather and so on…besides, there are no different editions and writers of the Quran.. like King Edwards Quran… Holy Faith Quran.. etc. etc… so the only source of Quran your question seems to point at is Huzur (SAW)… doubt his Risalat????

Either ways .. you are at the verge of contradicting the Shahadat of Islam….(if you haven’t already done that by having such beliefs as you have)…

Allah guide us all

I ask my Lord to forgive me in any wrong I have spoken… I did it unintentionally, if I did…. Help me and Guide me..

P.S- I have got this new thing - my hands tremble whenevr I type to a person who is speakin anti Islamic… it had happened only once before this.. when I was posting in a community called ‘future- india’ on orkut where an INDIAN named ‘ mayank’ was all grumbles bout Islam…. Had never happened before wen I used to be in the Islam chat rooms (there are loads of ‘haters’ in all Islam chat rooms)…newaz

more bout hijab in My IsLaM

Allah hafiz

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Barack Obama

A lot is being said bout Mr. Barack Obama….the 44th President of the USA….. now I read this blog post by Revathi Ramani(my favourite blogger :)) according to whom, His Royal Highness shudn actually be given the status of ‘His Royal Highness’…
In a mail that I received from a yahoo Islam group, the same thing was mentioned…. That why such a hype bout Obama…… well, I completely agree with it… I too wonder why does India need to behave in this way…. Ok… we have signed this nuclear deal (which in my opinion is not the kind of deal India shud plunge into, given the fact that America is such a highly dominating country---- (entirely my opinion!)), but that doesn’t mean we shud be such a drooling puppy……..
Yet, see..all of us are still writing bout the same man……and this is because he is, today, at a position which can actually shape the history of our coming generations ..
And this position has such an influential value, again, coz’ America is a highly dominating country (and half of the reason why she (or he or it.. whatever is used for the U.S!!) is dominating is that the other countries, in some way or the other have gotten used to be subjects)

To be very frank, I was so pissed off by the U.S. coz of that asshole of a prez they had chosen in George W. (for ‘woman’) Bush….. that I had no interest, whatsoever, in American politics…. This indifference was helped by the fact that I have no access to television…. And when I read the newspaper… I start from the last page (this preference has got nothing to do with sports (I even prefer studying text books from the last chapter to the first !!! ….)) and so, by the time I reached the front page… it was time for the college bus, or the class, or something else ….(and we all know that the U.S. elections got a front page coverage in India)… (btw…. I can READ newspapers only in the college library, coz’ in my hostel… we have the Malayalam papers only… the papers that make me feel like an illiterate crap.. who only leafs thru papers lukin at the pictures,wondering wat cud be written bout them.. lukin at the ads…. Admiring the cars….and then handing over the paper to someone who can ACTUALLY READ it!!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!)

I had heard long back that Hilary Clinton was contesting against Obama… and wen a few days bak Azhar told me something bout how happy he was that Bush was finally leaving… I started arguing with him,, that these are not the Presidential elections.. but something else….. (I was still hanging on to the one against Clinton).. only after this argument did I read bout the elections (again on the first page) and came to know of that McCain man…..newaz….

What I mean is that (since I didn’t follow the elections as whole-heartedly as the Indian media) I didn’t know ALL that bout Obama (his family and dogs and blah blah..) until I read Revathi’s post… and I’m totally with her wen it comes to disliking such a close coverage of a foreign Prez’s life….but, I wudn say that it is out of nothing….

The U.S. is a Nation whose financial fluctuations can rock the world’s economy (we just got the notice that our hostel’s fees has increased (again)); who can , one fine morning, decide to LIBERATE another country, can enter another country by force (for umpteen reasons), kill her people (in my blog, all countries will be ‘she’ ; whether they are ‘she’ or ‘he’ or ‘it’ for their own people…I don’t care) and still go on ranting bout ‘democracy’….. and above all.. still have countries to support her…
No wonder, the world’s eyes were fixed on the U.S…. and so, very obviously, our media (which has no better work than providing us with a lot of crap (well, alrite…not the papers… usually, television news channels!!!)) had its eyes extra-fixed (hope you get wat I mean) on the elections…
(remember how the zee news crew had rushed to Italy, when Sonia was about to become the P.M…. I’d mentioned in a post that India is infatuated with everything Pakistani… I shud rather say, India is infatuated with everything foreign (no, I ain’t sayin Sonia is a foreigner, I’m just saying that Italy is a foreign land (and that it surely is!)))

Now, coming to Mr. Obama… why was he the favourite of many? In my opinion, coz’ he was a black… (at least, that’s the only reason why I preferred him over the other).. it somehow felt good to see a black holding the most influential post in the world…
Ther is this mail and this mail, both sent by yahoo Islam groups, I have posted them in My Islam… which speak of the high expectations people have of Obama….

I’ve also read recently bout the wide support Obama’s got from Muslims the world over… ‘people’ say that it’s stupid for Muslims to support him, coz’ he’s not a Muslim…. I don know why these ‘people’ assume that the Muslim world considers Obama to be a Muslim goin by his name….. well, maybe there are many who do… but, I’m sure there are a lot more who don’t…. coz’ well…. He’s after all, NOT a Muslim….
I believe that the reason many Muslims (including me) are happy seeing Obama in the White House is coz’ he belongs to a minority (if I can call it that)… a race that was a very suppressed one, not so long ago… so, probably, he mite be able to understand the situation of Muslims today…..

Having said that, I’d add, that though I’m hopeful of a better U.S. (I hated the U.S. throughout Bush’s atrocious RULE) and a better foreign policy of the U.S… I’m not letting myself be blinded by this hope…. We never know….

I’m scared by his stand on outsourcing and am against his stand on abortions… but, then, we can’t like everythin bout every1… so, I guess, its ok…. But, I do doubt Obama’s capability…. In making the world a better place… is being expected of him….

Newaz…. The good thing is that the gr8st Pig of our times is gone… and I hope we don’t see a Pig worse than the previous one….. of course, having someone good at the White House wud be gr8 for all of us, but, even if we have someone bad…. I pray to the Almighty Allah, that he shudn be worse than the one gone……
{this I ask for the sake of the beautiful Earth He created with so much love

And bout our own ministers.. well. Since India is a P.M. oriented country, we can’t really expect ourselves to be much bothered bout the president….and I (cant say bout others, though) do know enuf bout our P.M., Manmohan Singh (surely not bout his dog,if he has one!!)…. And comin to Pratibha Patil… well, I don like this woman…. Don know why… guess coz she replaced Kalaam Saab (am madly in love with him…(his support for the Nuclear Deal being my only pacification)) and I don think I’d ever like any president as much as him…. Had it been aanyone in Patil’s place, I’d have disliked him/her too…

Enuf for now!! (more than enuf????? :D)

P.S.- my my! Wat a love for (parenthesis)!!! :D
P.S.2- I shall post it in My Islam too coz very sadly, Islam and U.S. have got so close relations :D

Allah hafiz

Deleted messages

Well, I think I really shud get over this stupid ‘deleting’ habit of mine……coz’ its bringing me across very awkward situations….
Now, for this bad bad habit- … hmmm. ..wen I’m oh-so-desperate to go home or wen I oh-so-terribly miss my parents…. I do this absolutely crazy thing… I delete messages from my inbox, delete contacts fom my cel, delete friends from yahoo and orkut, delete scraps…delete stuff from my lappy.. delete.. delete… delete….. I have no idea how it started, and how to get over it….but, ya…. I sincerely wish to come out…coz… just now a few minutes bak.. I got a message from a friend and I asked ‘who is it?’ ….my friend replied with his name but also a ‘I thot you had my number’ which is now a days one of the most common message in my inbox… newaz…..worse happened wen I deleted shilpa’s number (Shilpa is my bestest friend) (I didn’t realize it then, coz’ I don’t look at whom im deleting)…..and later wen I wanted to talk to her (this happens wen I miss school….i feel like talking to Shilpa and Shilpa alone), I realized that her number had been blown off my cel, in one of those sick ‘deleting days’…. I had to call up a thousand people to get her number….(and this happened becoz Shilpa hates giving her number to others (for some strange reason that I don’t clearly understand), and as soon as she feels a sizeable population of friends have somehow managed to gain access to her number, she changes her sim.. :/ :/ :/ :/ … and gives this brand new number to a select few (im always in the select few :) :) :) , luckily!!!))….
Why do I do it?????????????????????
Its like… ok so, if I cant have mummy, why shud I have others?????? So.. delete … delete…delete….
Newaz… hope this phase gets over soon..
Allah hafiz

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Cats ...

I’m terribly missing cats….. so much, that I really wonder, whom do I miss more? My mummy or cats???? I go absolutely crazy lukin at the cat pics on my lappy… I don think there’d be any other almost-21 yrs old female downloading pictures of cats DAILY…..

I’ve got XP and Azhar has vista… he had told me not to get vista for my lappy… he isn’t switching over to XP coz he doesn’t want to lose his warranty… newaz… I still (somewhere in the corner of my heart) wanted vista coz’ a friend had told me that it was ‘girly’…. However, since I’m so extraordinarily gr8 at computers (plz note- this is a sarcastic statement), I thot of stikin wid the things I have some idea about…. Fir bhi , somewhere in the corner of my heart.. you know!!! …:( :(

Newaz… all those corner-of-the-heart-feelings vanished the moment I heard that vista doesn hav Links(I don know how true it is)…… isn’t it just the most disgusting thing Microsoft could ever do????? (ms word gives a capital m to Microsoft :D)… Links is such a darling…. I’d feel totally lost without her… there are times wen I stop typing (I type a lot….. :D… ) and just sit lukin at her….. click on her without any reason coz’ I love the way she writes …. I also love it wen she tries to catch that blue butterfly…. And of course, the innocent look while sleeping…. She’s the only pet I have in this monster-cat-land……

My God!!! The attitude the jungle billis (wild cats) of Alleppey have!!!! Uff uff uff!!!
Either its plain attitude or it’s a sense of alienness….. perhaps they think they are aliens on a Humans’ Earth… or perhaps humans are aliens on a Cats’ Earth…huh!! Whatevs!!! Highly unfriendly cats!!! (except , of course, the cats of the LH (my college ka Ladies Hostel).. but then, all inmates of LH (yes, ALL!) are peculiar…. So, no wonder… even the cats are slightly different….. they are OVER friendly, gnawing all over you)

We’ve had a lot of cats… I took up the job of naming the last few ( I love giving names :)) I started with the alphabet B….(coz in my opinion ‘Azhar’ luks like a cat, and so “A” was dropped).. Borzoi, Cozy, Dazzle, Elza, Ferozi, Golzu, Hazel, Inzel….. then after a lot of pressure from my side, mummy tuk up this job (since I came to college) (she didn’t name all the cats.. only one at a time :( …newaz… and she even dropped the element of “Z” (that was present in all the previous cat names))…mummy has named only 2 ..Jamaica and Koshi..

My most favourite baby was Golzu, better known as ‘betua’…betua is a name derived from the word ‘beta’ meaning ‘son’… (he was my beta, you see!)…so, it became ‘beta’ to ‘betu’ to ‘betua’…which most of the people mistook for ‘bitwa’ , a bhojpuri (or whicheva that dialect is…) style of saying ‘beta’…. (since, there are a lot of people living around my home who speak this dialect of hindi…(or is it a different language altogether??? I don know… India is such a big , beautiful country :) :) :) ), they probably thot I got ‘inspired’ by the bhojpuri way of speaking!! newaz, I think its my family’s imagination that’s actually been inspired by bhojpuri) he’s got another name ‘pari-pankh-bacha’ , stupidly translated to ‘fairy-wing-child’… now, why was he cald that???? Ye I shall post later..( coz’ I’m so much in love with procrastinating stuff to be written on some date in future (whenever that date-in-future arrives, if at all it does!!!!))
However, betua passed away…. There’ve been lots of cats after him…. But since I am here, in alpy, for the past 3 years 2 months and 12 days (minus the days spent at home, in chennai, or travelin… but then, at the most.. how much wud they account for????!!!! Huh!!!) I’m not really attached to any1 in particular…. :(:( :(

My home has actually become an ashram of sorts coz nowadays I hear mummy saying things like… “bhagaiye ye billi ko”, mummy saying to abbu. (I hear over the phone….)
Me, “kisko? Koshi ko?” (koshi is the official pet)
Mummy, “ nahi, ek aur billi aa jati hair roz”
The next day…. Mummy, “are Kiran, ab ye billi ko bhi khana dena hai”
Me, “kaun? Kal wali?”
Mummy, “are nahi baba. Ek aur bada billa aata hai!”

Amazingly enuf. my mummy is scared of cats… :D :D :D…. scared in the sense…. If they touch her, she feels “ooi ooi ooi”….. :D :D:D

Abbu, aapa and me can spend the whole day with cats, sleeping with them.. watchin tv wid dem on our laps……eating wid them eating beside us…. Etc. etc.
In fact, when I was a kid…. I (as mummy says) always wanted to drink milk like the cats… (from a saucer on the floor:D:D :D) and so they they used to (sometimes, to amuse me! ) put some milk on a saucer and keep it on the floor.. and I used to lie down on my stomach on the floor and drink (try to drink!!!) milk like the cats…. i.e. with the tip of my tongue… (if you have ever noticed how cats or for that matter tigers and lions (as they show on animal planet) drink water…(no idea bout dogs…maybe they sip…:D))…

Newaz.. its time for ‘chaya’ so am going to the mess hall to drink (from a glass) the hot brown tasteless liquid they provide in the name of tea….vulay vulay vulay!!! (this expression means showing the tongue (in a very negative way))
So, I will write other catty things later.. (oh the Procrastinating ME!!!:D)

Jaane se pehle, just one more thing… Fiza and Faris(Faaris more than Fiza…. ) love throwing away the cats, pulling their tails, their ears, their fur…..and all things for which the cats can sue them in the court!!! But, only coz’ fizhu and faaru are 2 innocent babies, and they probably don’t understand how it hurts the little cats how are also lovely babies just like them…

But, the same things (i.e. pulling tails and blah blah) are also the favourite past time (2nd favourite to pulling my leg) of their father, (my bro-in-law) Mr. Mohammed Tabraiz…but, he isn’t an innocent baby but he’s a DON…. He can do anything.. and he hates cats…
Chalo fir tatas
Allah hafiz

Saturday, 8 November 2008

To Sorrow, with love....

Dearest Sorrow
I’m really sorry, but, I wil hav to ask u to leave…. I know im being rude but luk, I cant help it…. You just HAVE to leave… I accommodated you for a little while alrite…but, that doesn’t mean I’ll keep you in forever….see, im being frank… there are others who I wish came, and they’d need space to live.. you take up a lot of space within me…. So much so that many others, whom I’m eager to invite, like Tranquility, Patience and Success, wudn be able to fit in…. so, if you please leave soon, it’d be good….. and ya… I’d also request you to please tell your friends, Failure, Impatience and Lament to please stop bothering me… I have in fact, got complaints from Laughter and Happiness, who are my permanent inmates, against your friends……they are being troubled by you as well as your friends, and I really wont tolerate anyone else troubling them coz they already have to deal with Loneliness and Anger who are other residents in me… I have somehow tamed Anger, besides I feel a certain security in having him live inside me…. Loneliness, I have to admit, is another big problem… but she is so pervasive… that it’s next to impossible to get rid of her completely…. Happiness and Laughter cud manage her, if it were not for you. However, I like her friend, Solitude…so, I think… I can even allow her in…but, I really am sorry, hope you understand… you are the only one whom I can ask to leave… coz’ you bring me no good…
I know you are not to be blamed.. Jealousy is such a bitch.. she keeps popping up every now and then and brings you along knowing it well enuf that u’d find it difficult to move out… she departs soon, but, you remain, and so, you get all the blame…please be on guard against her…don’t accompany her anywhere…… I wudn like ur coming to see me along with Jealousy… please don’t…

Otherwise, If you ever feel the need to visit me.. you can… though I can’t promise how long I’d let you stay… I have my own limitations… and im sure you understand…
Wishing you gud luk in ur endeavours and better luck to your enemies.
Take care

"WE" love "YOU"...."WE" love "YOU" not.... "WE" love "YOU"...."WE" love "YOU" not.....

I hate the way some people wish bad for Pakistan when actually they themselves
are being Pak’s benefactors…… no, I aint trying to be a Gandhi… I do talk bad bout Pakistan, many times, if not always…. And I think its pretty ok to talk bad bout Pak (something like ….the birthright of every Indian), its absolutely normal….. but what I find really horrendous is the wrong way in which some people hate Pak (wrong in my opinion!!)…. Lemme explain…

well…many months bak (am not sure if the number of months were enuf to be rather told in years, so, am stiking on to usin ‘months’) I saw this little piece of news on tv that there are many Pakis who entered India legally, yet, there are no records of these people returning even after their Visa dates were over (now, im not getin the rite word for ‘visa dates were over’… newaz , I guess u get wat I mean)….of course, we all know that there are a lot many Pakis in India, entering illegally, for all the wrong reasons… but those in question are the ones who have got a LEGAL entry into India….so, is this of no concern to people??????????? I mean where did all of them disappear ….. the last thing I want to hear is that they have been falsely accused of terrorism by Indian Police (that “gift” is reserved for Kashis..:/)… no, that’s surely not the case… but, wat upsets me more than this indifference towards the vanishing Pakis… is the extra interest being shown on the legal traffic between the 2 countries…. I mean why are the authorities, in spite of knowing bout the ‘vanishing Pakis’, still not doing something bout stopping the incoming load from across the border…. (im saying this only coz we aren’t able to keep a trak of their whereabouts…. Otherwise, I think, there’s no real reason), instead all we hear (often, i.e.) is bout boosting the ‘friendship’ between the 2 nations….. welllll… “friendship”, in general, is good, but “aa bail mujhe dhoondh dhoondh ke maar” is not…

And how can we forget the way Indians seem to be infatuated with everything Pakistani.. like their songs, their singers, their actors etc. etc. … they have been hyped too much by our media and even the general public…. I don’t mean you shudn appreciate talent… you definitely should. But, even when you appreciate others… remember 2 things…. Firstly, never keep your own countrymen below others… if you like atif aslam .. no harm in that.. but if you want to go “CRAZY” bout someone… let Shaan (any Indian singer I mean) be the one…..Secondly, always look at the nationality of the person ( “I love humanity” is gr8 stuff!!! Newaz… lets be truthful…) even if you do like anything non-Indian, its pardonable, I mean .. its ok ok kinds…. But…. Wen it comes to Pakistan… plz.. and I plead with all my heart.. pllllllzzzzzzzz remember its PAKISTAN.. I mean … see… its actually PAKISTAN… THE PAKISTAN….. you see?????.. WE r supposed to be no.1, not THEM…ok???? So, plz do keep this in mind.. (just a humble request)

So, coming bak to the kind of people I hate…… now these are the people whom you will hear saying things like “unko to zinda jala dena chahiye” (they shud be burnt alive), or “kutte ki maut marenge sale” (they will die a dog’s death (‘sale’ is a slang… don know which English slang can be used in its place)) and yet ..these very people are crazy bout Atif, and think Adnan is India’s (??????? :-0) best singer, and feel Umar Sharif’s jokes are funnier than Shekhar Suman’s….i mean kya bhang khaake baithe ho kya??????????????
And these people can also digest things like “dono mulko ke log agar zyada milenge to dono ke beech “muhabbat” badhegi…hum Pakistan se “muhabbat” ka paigham late hai….aur yahi ummeed karte hai ki Hindustani adaakaar bbhi “muhabbat” ka paigham Pakistan lekar aaenge” (in a highly stupid interview, the highly stupid Meera had said something similar… I don’t remember the exact words… but, had the same message…. She pronounced “muhabbat” in a reeealllyy peculiar way….:D)….

I really don’t mind if there are people who curse Pakistan (their lives for them!!!), but… I do mind people (Indians) preferring anything Pakistani to anything Indian (my life for me!!!)

And no.. I don’t hate Pakistan… I’m one of the few who can say that I do love Pakistan… I don curse them..i have many Paki friends on orkut (without any fear, without any shame), I never say “Pakistan shud lose”.. in stead I say “India shud win”, in fact..i support Pak in their cricket matches against other countries, for the simple reason that they are (in spite of all the differences) like us…very much like us (and don’t u think.. all things in Pakistan that existed b4 ’47 is Indian??? For e.g. the land???? :D :D:D:D:D:D (yupps!! I know.. I’m mean…. :D .. reeeallly mean!!!) and yet, if you noticed.. I said “other countries”….coz no country is dearer than my magical India… had I been an Ethiopian, I’d have loved Ethiopia… had I been a Paki, I’d have loved Pak.. but, very fortunately for me, God packed up my soul into a drop of fluid and parceled it to an Indian womb… and so…I love India….:)
But, I never choose them over Indians, and I’m strictly against anything that can hurt India (like letting millions enter India in the name of friendship)

Sau baat ka ek baat….whether or not you like Pak…never keep anything Paki above anything Indian…..

How did I suddenly write all this???? In Alleppey, whatever you buy is given wrapped in newspaper… today I bought Dabur Vatika hair oil…it came wrapped in an English newspaper… letters to the editor… one was by someone who felt the need for better ‘friendship’ with dear Pakistan…(whateva he meant)…and this reminded of a few statements I hear here and there ….and so….i wrote (typed) it all….ok????

Now, at last I’d like to mention how beautifully my mummy hates Pakistan (yupps!!! I’m the black sheep.. all others in my family HATE Pakistan)….
I call my mummy, “mummmeeeee, aao yeh gaana sunkar jao.. bohot achha hai”
Mummy comes, listens to the whole song,…. And then I ask, “kaisa laga mummy?”. She answers, “acha hai kiran, koi naya ladka hai kya?”
I (not lukin at her), “nai..pakistani hai,” (now lukin at mummy), ”achha hai na?”
Mummy says, ”ek kism ka hai!” (makin a bad face…..btw ek kism ka hai means she doesn’t like it!)
The next day I again call mummy to hear a song, this time from some hrithik or shah rukh movie and she replies, “kiran, dekho humko Pakistani log ka gaana sunne mat bulao… achhe log nahi hai who log!”
:D :D :D :D

And this is something I enjoy too much, whenever I speak to mummy about something serious, I somehow bring the topic to my marriage and then I say, “mummy, humko na Pakistani se hi shaadi karna hai”or “Humko to Pakistan mein hi settle karna hai”… and my mummy gasps with her eyes and mouth wide open and her hands on her chest and says, “Kiraaaaaaaaaan, tauba karo tauba karo, …..”
:D :D :D :D we do tauba wen we commit a sin…. So, accordin to mummum, it’s a sin.. :D :D…. we shud always speak good things coz’ Allah kab humara kaun sa baat kubul kar le.. we never know….but, I like teasing her…… I miss her so much….

Ok.. chalo
P.S - now wen I read this post, I realize its only been written for Indians…. So, just in case there’s a Paki reading it… you can ignore me or hate me… up to u … I give a damn… don’t bother a shit bout wat I speak…. And I don’t bother a shit bout wat u speak… big deal!!!!
Allah hafiz

Monday, 3 November 2008

Happy Diwali !!!! (belated :p)

Current nahi hai,,, so, I thot of writing …. I haven’t prayed since Zohar, gotto run to pray, as soon as Mr.Electricity is bak.
I had thot of writing bout Eid, but cudn coz’ that day I was in a friend’s house, then bout Durga Puja, but cudn coz’…………hmmmm… well, I don remember why… then bout Diwali, but, cudn coz’ I was feeling bad to be away from home on Diwali…. Such a lot of ‘cudns’ show I’m a bad bad gal (Oh! How I love repeating adjectives!)…. But, lekin, kintu, parantu….I’m not… and so, I will (inshaAllah) write bout Diwali and Durga Puja (Bakrid’s in December… I will inshaAllah include Eid with that)

So, first bout Diwali… Kerala celebrated Diwali a day before twas in Andamans… well, I mean Kerala didn’t celebrate Diwali a day before twas celebrated in Andamans… Did u get what I mean????? Probably you didn’t… well, I meant that in Kerala, Diwali is not really “CELEBRATED”…. :( :( :( …… hmm, ok, ther’s a Govt. holiday… but, that’s to it! Nothing else… Maybe in Kochi. Trivandrum, ther’d be people who know what people generally do in Diwali (seriously speaking, I think, even there it’s only coz of the higher presence of Northies), but, not in Alleppey, definitely…..

This was my third Diwali away from home…. My second year Diwali was at Andamans, but my friends were not at home (there are no professional colleges in my Union Territory, and so, all of us , well, at least all of us from Port Blair, come to the mainland India to study(maybe a handful stay back for B.A/ B.Sc kind of courses,… but mostly, people either get the seats under the Central Quota (like me) , or they buy payment seats))
And the Diwali of my 12th standard was also quite bakwas, coz I was down with high fever
{question:::: an important International event on that year’s Diwali???
Answer::: Yasseer Arafaat’s funeral }

So, what I’m tryin to tell is that it’s been a reeeaally reeeaally long time since I enjoyed Diwali :(
And that’s the reason why I wasn’t feeling all that good on 27th (Kerala Diwali)… ok, yaha tak bhi theek tha…. Then, that nite I got a scrap from Anu (my childhood friend, my best friend, my chhota puppy bacha :D) that, shez at home for Diwali… that did it… nothing cud have made me more desp… to top it all, the next day, when it was Diwali at home… mummy told she can’t talk, coz’ she is not able to hear me due to the noise of the patakhas (crackers)… I cud hear the badam budum sounds thru the phone…… I wanted to fly bak home…………..

Current bhaiya aa gaye… wait, will pray and come bak…. Tatas..

Okis.. am here..

If I let my memory go far into my childhood…. I remember Diwali was a grrrrrraannnnnd festival, we used to buy lots of pathakas
{now, all in my family wud say I’m lying, how cud I possibly remember something sooooo old…..}
Newaz… I do remember ( I have got a superb memory of my past)…… aapa was very young, in middle school, I think…..
We used to light candles (cup candles) on the parapet…… :) ….. life was beautiful…
I played with boys… Armaan was my best friend….. he was a tenant’s son… his cousin Shahid bhaiya also played with us…. Then the workers of Dayalco ( a shop)… we all celebrated Diwali…… I don’t know where my sister went when I lit crakers with them, I don remember that part…
Anaar, charkha, fuljhadi…. Then those colorful fuljhadi…… all the
‘Bombs’, which only the boys cud lite…. In fact, everything were lit by the boys…. I cud only play with fuljhadi….. I still am scared of everything except fuljhadis… :D
Then ther was ‘saap’, the snakes… I don know if they are available now… but, we had them in those days… those small black tablets wrapped in cotton… you had to lite them … and they turned into coiled black things… the snakes :D….. they left black marks on the floor where you lit them… so, you had to be careful…..
The rockets….. :D parachutes………..:D……ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh :) :) :)
And of course, Diwali si incomplete without the mirchi patakhas……
Kisi ek saal, I don remember which year. Dayal uncle had brought that loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg ladi of mirchi patakha from the mainland…. It had started from Vincent’s home and went on and on and on… even crossed the masjid… I think till Hafiz Saab’s home (perhaps usse bhi aage)… ooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! All the bachas in the basti (including me) were so excited….

I had met a new gal one of the Diwalis… Shipra, Dayal uncle’s daughter, 2 years younger to me…became a very good friend of mine… for a shrt span , though….

The good thing bout Diwali is that , since its Laksmi Puja, the shopkeepers have to open their shops, even if its only for an hour or two….. so, (in my area, there are lots of shops… back then, there were not as many shops as today, yet, there were many)… there were lots of extra people to celebrate diwali, in addition to the people who stayed there…… I lived in a Muslim ghetto… starting from where the road began till where the road ended… in those days, there were only 2 Hindu homes and 2 Christian homes.. all the rest (around 15) muslims…(19 homes along a road sounds too less?>>>> well, Port Blair is a small place dearies).. Now of course, there are many more non-Muslims, coz of those who have moved in as tenants….. yet, being truthful…. Diwali has lost its charm … probably coz.. I’m no longer a child, or probably, coz’ in spite of larger number of people (people who actually do the Lakshmi Puja, who actually have guests and who actually cook a feast), the segregations have increased….people tend to be on their own… each family celebrating its own Diwali… back then , I remember we used to merge the patakhas… with those of Armaan-Rehmaan and those of Dayalco….

Something’s wrong somewhere… I don know where….

Newaz……….. know wat??? I forgot a bbbbbbbbiiiigggggg thing………..!!!!!!!!!!
MITHAI!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D we got sweets from the Hindu friends and shops……
Dayal uncle gave us sweets from the mainland… in those days, twas not so common to get sweets from the mainland India… so, it was a bbbbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiiiiiggggggg thing for me…

Things changed after aapa left for studies (to Erode, Tamil Nadu )…. Mummy behaved in a very strange way …. Since that year, we stopped celebrating my birthday, I had to beg them to buy me crackers ( before that, there was no need to ask, it was obvious, that if diwali’s here we’d get patakhas)…..i didn’t like it that way… but, it’s ok… I learnt to accept things… coz’ I knew life is changing drastically, the number of guests at Eid went on decreasing with each year….. daadi went away………..
We were left all alone…. I had grown up… I didn’t play with the dayalco workers anymore… and Armaan- Rehmaan had their own friends……….. I didn’t like it that way…. I remember goin to Gupta uncle’s house for one diwali….i met 2 kids- Sachi and Eesha…. Got to know that they were friends of my friends- Tulika, Lipika (twin sisters)… I clearly remember thinking “Port Blair is really such a small place”…

Diwali again became good after I became fiends with Anu Lall…. She is basically a mad female :D… we fite a lot…. Actually we don’t fite… it’s more like… she gets scolded by me very often (and I’m very bad wen I scold:/, )…for her innumerable mistakes :D

She lives in front of the clock tower… proper Aberdeen (I live in a side-road, called Aberdeen Village, no, its not a village…. I don’t know why its called a village … it’s just an area with 3 roads)…. That is the place where the aawaara boys meet to celebrate everything… whether it’s diwali, ya india’s victory, ya, durga puja.. ya whatever…. …
And Anu has a bhaiya… Eklavya bhaiya, 2 years elder to us… so more of a friend to us than a bada bhaiya. He used to call his own friends, Mohsin bhaiya, Shekhar bhaiya, Afaque bhaiya (all were in our school, so, we knew them) and then of course there were the other bhaiyas of bazaar (Aberdeen Bazaar, that’s the name :D), Nazrul bhaiya, Rinku bhaiya, Taufique bhaiya, Parvez bhaiya, Jawed bhaiya, (these 5 bhaiyas are even elder than my sister, yet, they called me ‘aapa’ :D) and the ganda ladkas, whom we were told not to talk to…. ……….. it was terrific there, simply coz’ I love crowds…. And I was alone at home, so, I liked being here.. though I did never more than liting fuljhadis…. Here we used to burst patakhas in the drums…. Kitna shor hota tha :D… (all the above mentioned people were not present at the same time, people came and went , but, we, i.e. bhaiyas friends, Anu, Pavan, Nayan and me were full time on the road :D)

Ek baar, Eklav bhaiya forced me to go and lite an anaar, I went up on the road and was so scared, I simply stood there lukin at bhaiya with pleadin eyes…. Finally Shekhar bhaiya also came and then we both held the fuljhadi to lite up the anaar….. Eklav bhaiya was angry coz’ I was being so sissy… newaz that was the first and last time I went near anything more than fuljadis and snakes…….:/

Sabse mazaa aane laga wen Shilpa and I became best friends (“Anu, Shilpa and Almas”
:) :) mmmmmmmmwwwwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!) since Gauri aunty (Anu’s mom) didn’t cook much…… I really missed good food…., but Prem aunty ke haath me to jaadu hai……….My Goodddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shez suuuucccchhhhhhhhh a bbbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnddddddaaaaaaaaaassssssssssss cook ki kya bataye!!!!!! She used to prepare a feast….. literally a feast… unke ghar mein bhi many guests came but, Shilpa’s family was against patakhas… coz’ of the documentaries that were being shown…(that young children are employed to make the crakers… Many families took it to heart……. A good gesture!!!! Newaz,,,, I’m a bad gal :p) we simply ate and lit diyas and ate and did bak bak and ate and lit candles and ate and did bak bak…. That’s all. Good in ways…
(I always went to Shilpa’s house before Anu’s, don know y )

Khair…….. to that’s bout Diwali… here ther’s no diwali… I’m alone…. And gussa aa raha hai, dimaag mat kharaab karo..
P.S- I very well know that it’s a too long post, but, I didn’t beg anyone to read it, so,if you have read it,,,,,,,, your fault….no need to curse me… dhanyawaad
P.S.2- Written on 30th
Allah hafiz

FrIeNdS- why i hate this word !


The first thing I know that is bad about me is that


Well, not exactly, just that ive had some very bad times in friendship and so, im scared of this word…. This has made me aloof and I come across to people as highly snobbish….newaz, whatev…

Shall I start from the start?
The first few friends I remember were all boys…
Abdul Armaan, a few years elder to me, son of a barber (they had rented our house), this barber later became one of my father’s best friends….. but, at that time (am talking of early 90’s) they were simply tenants.
Abdul Rehmaan, my age, Armaan’s younger brother ……. Both from Bihar/ U.P… don know where exactly, newaz they had that peculiar urdu…. Every thing ended in ‘va’ … “armanva, rehmanva, dukanva… :D”
Sarfaraz Taqui, (I call him by his nick name,Aashu) same age, father’s colleague’s son, bihar….
Rajesh Gupta , father’s friend’s son, a few years elder
Kamal Gupta, Rajesh’s younger brother, my age (at least that’s wat I used to think back then, that Kamal is of my age, but, as we grew up… he kept growing more than me.. after a few years, he was 6 months ahead, …. After a few more years, he was a year ahead… and finally now, it’s been settled that he’s 2 years ahead of me, I wonder how?????? I never failed or dropped a year…. But, I don wat happened that I suddenly ‘know’ that the naatu Kamal I used to play with, is 2 years elder to me..huh!!!)….they are from U.P.

All of the above, except Rehmaan, were friends before school….we played a lot, :) , mostly girly games…. Teacher-teacher… ghar-ghar…… :D I don know why these boys agreed to play these stupid games with me… probably, they too were very young and cudn really differentiate between the ‘girly’ and ‘boyish’…

Newaz, these 4 friends didn’t remain for long….
Rajesh and Kamal were not in my school, we didn’t live close by, and above all we were not of the same sex (,….. I never went to play cricket in the grounds, never participated in things like “aaj who basti ka ladka log se ladai hai .. aa jana”, never sat on the railings…etc etc… these are ways by which boys from different schools and different classes maintain their acquaintances (I wont say friendship))
Though Aashu was in my class, my school, he somehow got lost in the crowd, only to pop up again as one of my best friends in 7th.
Armaan continued to be a gr8 friend, until, we both grew up, me… busy in school, he, busy in his shop…..

Same goes for Rehmaan….

( Amusingly, Armaan, Rehmaan always called me ‘aap’ :D)

Meanwhile, I made another friend, Shipra, a tenants’s daughter, but, this tenant was way way richer than us…. It showed…. We moved apart a few years later….btw, they are Rajasthanis.

School started… I was a rotu raam .. hated school like Bush hates Osama (if at all, he hates him)…. Didn’t make friends… though “Rekha” can be called a friend…. She told me not to cry, not to think about mummy etc. etc. ……she was a south Indian……
I entered Mount Carmel ….. and continued crying…..Aashu was still a friend, he was my “bhai”, my rakhi bhai…. He used to wipe my tears… used to tell me “koi kuchh bole to bhai ko bolna”…. :)

In my first standard, no one liked me, coz’ I used to cry cry cry,,,,,, Vidya Nair, Malayali used to scare me saying she’ll lock me up in the class room and go away…. I kept changing friends in months.. Ancy Thomas, malayali….Abhirupa Roy, Bengali…….and finally, Saheba Mumtaz :) :) :)………my father’s classmate’s daughter… she was a localite (Bengali native) (in the true sense of the word :D, spoke the “true” Andamani dialect of Hindi :D)… I got my first ‘group’:) …. Saheba and I fought like cats and dogs, or rather, I shud say .. I fought with her like cats fight dogs :D … still, we were best friends…. In 4th , we were in different sections… she got another friend, Nandita Menon….. I hate her to- date for stealing my friend away :( ……..newaz all was still good, until…..

Until I stood first in class 5th , …….. my ‘group’ didn’t remain a group, Ritika Chanda, Bengali, (who, until then was the first rank holder, and had somehow got really close to me, while Saheba went away) suddenly seemed to be absorbed in others… when we sat in the group having our lunch… Saheba spoke to Nandita (who had been taken in the ‘group’) and Ritika to the other Bengalis, in Bengali…. She used English and Hindi for very general statements….. I wasn’t close to the others……

I started getting close to the ‘scoring’ students… it happens, when you are at the top, others at the top come closer, one stumble and you have no one to support you…..

In 6th, I made many friends…. All were the ‘toppers’ and two other gals…. Sadaf Shahwar, Punjabi, her father had come in some transferable job…. And Priya Syriac, Malayali, her father in Defence….. Priya and Sadaf were to change my life…..
Newaz, I kept getting closer to Sadaf and Priya, (bcoz’ my ‘group’ was ignoring me)…. One day Sadaf asked me to join her ‘group’ coz newaz we had become best friends…. I told her I can’t coz’ I just can’t walk out of a ‘group’ of 5 years…. “my group members will feel bad”, I told Sadaf.
The next week, I stayed back in the classroom during the lunch break to tie ‘ friendship band’ to Priya….. I went to have lunch with my ‘group’ late… when I reached.. all were silent…. I asked them what was wrong….
Ritika told, “we don’t want our group members to share their food with others.”
I told them I wasn’t sharing my food , ( I showed them my lunch box), I told ki I was late coz I was tying Priya a friendship band.
Ritika said, “ jo bhi,…, we don’t like our group members to be with others all the time”
I told that it was only coz’ they hardly speak to me now-a-days… ( Saheba gave me an “oh really????” look)
No one told anything…
I told, “ seedha bolo na, you don’t want me to be in your group”
Ritika said, “ ha.. we don’t want you in our group.. and I’m not telling this by myself… I’m saying this on behalf of the whole group”
I told fine and left………………..
The group of 5 years…. “my group members will feel bad”, I had told Sadaf…
I didn’t have it in me to face Sadaf that time… I went to Priya…. Her ‘group’ had other gals, Shilpa Pandey (yupps!!!! My current “best friend”… DehraDun, Uttarakhand), and Sherin John, Diji Daniel, Leeba Thomas, all Malayalis…………
I told her, I shall be with you coz’ all this has happened………….she said fine……….
The next day’s lunch break, I reach the place where my new group used to sit….. I see only Priya and Diji…………………………… Shilpa doesn’t want to be in the same group as Almas……………………… Shilpa was the second rank holder……….
Can’t write anymore……..enuf of pain for now……..
Allah hafiz


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