Monday, 19 January 2009

Manchester United - A Love Story

Manchester United

Dedicated to:
“luckkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyy boy mera luckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyy boy :) :) :)”
Who’s sick and suffering from severe recurrent attacks of migraine…… and is sleeping, eating, and watching angrezi tv shows in between the attacks.

This little love story has 3 characters, something of the “Pati Patni aur Woh” sorts….
The pati is Mr. Mohammad Azharruddin…. .. no, not the ex-captain of Team India… ummm.. well, ya…. Both are Hyderabadis, both like biryani, and both are Muslims involved with Hindu gals (ok ok ok , the pati here was Previously involved, not anymore…. :D), but, if you noticed… Mr. pati has an extra ‘R’ in Azharruddin :D….

The patni is Almas Shamim :D

And the “woh” is European Soccer….:/ :/ :/ :/

This “woh” had been always present in ‘lucky boy’s’ life, but, unfortunately…. Almas was so madly in love with Lucky Boy that she never did realize it, when they were together….. but, finally time and circumstances moved them apart (as time and circumstances do to all people in love :S),,, and it’s then that Almas realized that there’s someone else in Lucky Boy’s life who was (increasingly) gaining importance ….. this someone else wasn’t a girl, not even a boy (however odd that sounds… she hates Azhar even with his friends :D) but, but, but …. It was the absolutely stupid and repulsive game called “Football” which is played only by firangs….. and these reportedly-stinking-rich-men don’t have it in them to at least wear full pants… :/ :/ :/

Well, well, well….. as time passed, Lucky Boy started paying more and more attention to this other thing in his life… Almas kept on nagging him… telling him how much she hates the game… how it’d hurt Team India if they’d come to know that there are people in India who like a game more than cricket, how it’s (almost) against the National Spirit to choose any game above cricket (ehmmm, let’s not consider the fact that the National Game of India is Hockey and not Cricket ) and how it hurts to think and feel and know that Lucky Boy hangs down her calls only to see Soccer matches…. :( :( :( *sob sob*

But, love is blind darling….. so, neither cud Lucky Boy get over Soccer, nor cud Almas get over Lucky Boy….. life went on… he kept dipping deeper and deeper into Soccer…. He told her a lot of things bout the game, she kept hearing.. not coz she had even the least bit of interest in this half-pant-wearing-firangis ka game, but, coz she loved her Lucky Boy… she loved him since she was a child..she loves him still.. and I guess, she’ll love him always (as Linda Goodman says, “The Jupiter woman is an incurable idealist. And here’s a secret perhaps she never told you: She fell in love with you many years ago, when she was a little girl and wished on the new Moon for someone to share her honest heart. There were lots of times when she thought she had found you and was disappointed. But when you finally came along, she knew you right away, because you were a gentle clown with a dream or two of your own who took her hand and showed her the way to the stars.”)

Dheere dheere Almas came to know that it’s not ‘soccer’ as a whole that’s playing the part of her sautan.. of course, Lucky Boy liked the game , but, there was this team whose members wore ‘laal shirts’, bout which Lucky Boy was totally crazy…..
He used to send her messages that read
“jaan, aaj hum log ka match hai.. dua karna”…. Now, I really wonder how did he come to believe that Almas was even remotely inclined towards calling these men-running-crazily-after-a-ball as ‘hum log’, but, newaz…. Love is blind… so she let it pass…. Things were getting really bad now…. She was so weary of these good-for-nothing-except-kicking-and-so-i-am-a-footballer men, that she didn’t even call them by their names (which, by now she had learnt was “Manchester United”, huh!!! firangi log, firangi khel, firange naam!!!) she gave them a standard name, indicating they were no special from others…. She called them “Laal Shirt waalas” meaning ‘the ones with the red shirt’….. just like there were chaiwaalas, paan waalas, jhaadu waalas, police waalas…. These were the laal shirt waalas….

Yaha tak bhi theek tha… but after that to Lucky Boy simply crossed his limits….. one unfortunate morning, he confessed his love for one ……. one …. Exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxttttttttttttttrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa special person…..
The man who’s oh-so-hated-yet-so-loved, the person who can brag bout himself non-stop, he wont even stop to breathe.. the chudaila, Cristiano Ronaldo

Curses upon the man who stole Almas’s love from her…..uska to ‘neend naa aaye, chain na aaye’ ho gaya….. the poor gal wept and wept and wept…. But later decided to put up with this heart breaking news too…. So, Luck Boy continued talking bout who’s who in soccer esp. ManU, how’s the game played, how are dealings done, who gets how much cash, who wins how many prizes, who was born where, who’s the youngest player, who’s the oldest player, who wears which color ke shoes, who’s married, who’s engaged, who broke up, who … who.. who….how…where…where

Almas cud understand only one thing from all his blah-blahing….
Lucky Boy was head over heels in love with Cristiano Ronaldo…..

And Lucky Boy, by this time, knew one thing…. Almas hated CR7 :/ :/ :/ :/

Life kept running by….. and then came the turning point in their lives… for both of them…. The talks of Ronaldo leaving for RealMadrid…. Almas didn’t lose this golden opportunity of bitching bout the asshole whom she hated no ends….kitna kameena hai, jis team ne itna kuchh diya, usi ko chhod ke jaa raha hai….. Lucky Boy went thru one of the saddest phases of his life… know the that kinds ki wen Lucky Boy has kids, he’d say dekho-beta-papa-ke-saath-aisa-aisa-hua-and-this-is-how-papa-faced-it…. That kind of sadness…

Almas always gave a rone ke liye shoulder to her Lucky Boy, but, in her heart of hearts, all she wanted was this crank-headed-ears-studded-dangerously-charming footballer to LEAVE…..

Almas was sort of happy, even if the asshole didn’t leave, at least, Lucky Boy’s love has been shaken………….. and tabhi.. bijli chamki .. badal garje…. Aur ek phone aaya…
And Lucky Boy told her that ManU wants to buy a certain player…….Lucky Boy got fresh matter to talk bout… who’s he, from where, how old, former clubs, price, height, hair, style, position…. Blahblahs blahblahs…. :/ …. This player was signed in….. The next day Almas saw his pic in the paper… she liked him……later Lucky Boy told her bout how this new player had shooed away bigger offers, to be in the team he had always dreamt to be in…….. Almas realized.. she was in love………………
“aa aa aashiqui me tereeeeeeee ja ja jaayegi jaan meri
Ting ting ting titing ting titing .. ting ting ting titing ting titing”
Woh bhi bechari kya kare??????? If she wants Lucky Boy to love her, she’s gotto love soccer... and to be able to love soccer, the poor girl needs some bahaana na,,,!!!!!!!!1 ;) ;) ;) (hope you understand!)

This new player was the oh-so-sexy-oh-so-sweet, the lazy lucky lad, the ONE footballer who doesn’t run crazy on the field, the such-a-down-to-earth antagonist of Cristiano Ronaldo, the man with the once-in-a-while-Princess-Diana-smile, the bErbie doll....King of Bulgaria

Aur uske baad to sab kuchh badal gaya….
“sardi mein paseena lage na bhookh na pyaas lage
Yaar yahi pyaar to nahi????????//
Daddy se pooch loongi……………………………”

Ab to Almas ka one and only topic of conversation with her Lucky Boy was ‘football’ …. Ab whether he speaks of Ronnie’s innumerable pranks, whether he tells her the life stories of Rafael-Fabio, whether he repeats CR’s dialogues like “My favourite player is ME” and “I am the 1st 2nd and 3rd best player in the world”………. Ya kuchhhhhhhhhhhhhh bhiiiiiiiiii…. Almas is most happy to be listening……….. :) :)

In these ways, Dimi has actually helped strengthen Lucky Boy’s and Almas’s relation.. they don’t fight as much as they used to, they have something to talk about, and most importantly, Almas is no longer jealous of the kutta….

In fact, ab to things have changed to such an extent that Ronaldo is pyaar se referred to as “Bhaiya” by the couple….. coz’ Almas feels “duniya mein sirf do log bada baat karte hai.. ek Ronaldo aur dusra Azhar” … to hua na Ronnie bada bhaiya……
We can actually modify the name to Bada Baat Bhaiya…. ‘BBB’ :D :D :D

Newaz, so now...since there’s truce between Almas and her Lucky Boy, I wish him all the best for his ultimate desire of seeing Ronnie play, of meeting them, and “kuchh bhi kaam karunga mai, kitne bhi kamti paisa mein!” ………….

[and btw I still don’t believe ki Omar met Rooney…. He just can’t…. :p :p :p ]

Also, congrats to you, Lucky Boy… and your Lady Love… errrrrr……wellllll….. I mean , Ladka Love, Mr. Cristiano on winning the title of the best footballer again…
Just in case you’ve forgotten.. this was sent by you…
13th Jan’09 1.42 am IST

So congrats my dear…
And all this is just for you…. ( irrespective of Berba’s presence :D.. I luv u dear)


Rank 6

Rank 5

Rank 4

Rank 3

Rank 2


Lekin for the simple reason ki ‘self love is first love’, I keep my choice above yours.. and the crown of the King Of ManU goes to…………………………………

Dimitar Berbatov :D :D :D

And just guess, if you were a player, what wud I chant for you????????????

“Hugurugu Zaga… Zugurugu Baga!!!”:D :D :D :D

So, my dearest ”zinda khaane waala ladka”.........
Get well soon and take care... :D :D :D

Love always
Chidchidaee Phadphadaee Sir Darad Ladki


Mohammad Azharruddin said...

almas i hv no words hw to explain my gratitude towards ur wonderfull and exceptionally gr8 post, i swear i loved it,i never thought u would bring dis post out so sweetly so perfectly.I really owe u for dis one.thanku so much sweetheart. .u are really a gem.

JaLpArI said...

thanks azhu.....:) :) :)
:D :D :D
sad that bhaiya cant read it!!!! it's in Hinglish :D :D
and hope the sahara thingie works out...


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