I have this red and blue salwar kameez which I was bout to wear for Nadeem-Monica’s reception… I think there’s some problem wid it. First to, Aapa had got so very angry wen I had told that I wont be buying a matching maftha and wear the black one instead. Fir uske baad, I ended up not goin for the reception at all…. Ab now, today 84th batch is having their convocation party, I had been expectin this day from God knows wen.. I had thot of wearing the same red salwar kameez today, I had even bought a matching maftha, had gone along wid Anisa (you know very well how often I find company.. so these moments are so dear to me.. newaz), it’s got both red and blue in it and is partly floral and partly graphic… but, all of a sudden, today, 2 hours before the program started, I got really desp, bout wat and why- I don know.. but all I wanted was to cry.. cry cry and cry…. And here I am sitting at my lappy wen others are watching the programs there… twas goin to be a good one… coz it’s being held outside (where the main stage for the intermeds had been constructed) and not in the audi…. I have no idea why I behaved like such a fucker … but this is the second time this salwar kameez ka plan was cancelled… now, coming to think of it , I had been so eager to go to Nadeem’s reception as well, one reason being the convert bride he brought and second being that it had been too long a time since I had attended any marriage wagairah… that cancellation was preceded by the ‘Aapa Anger Syndrome’ and today’s cancellation by 3 things.. 1. I forgot to take my mobile (and my mobile is my soul) 2. our SPM bus had a collision with an Alto, the Alto was badly hit.. twas a police case… it happened (amusingly) rite in front of the Punnapra Police Station…. That is one stop before my hostel… so I took an auto, came to the hostel, took my Soul and returned… 3. after the visit we went to Amuda’s aunty’s house that was just across the street, but wen we returned the bus was leaving… it crossed us, but then some gals saw us and told the driver to stop… we got a good scolding from that lady ( Josephine? Caroline? Catherine?... uh!!! Watev her name is) and also that chashmish driver uncle (the one who hit the Alto.. uugh!!! He was already in a terrible mood)…
Newaz… so Anisa got really pissed off.. have no idea why… she compared it wid the way she doesn’t come on certain occasions… I felt like giving her a slap kass ke on her white face and turn it red…
We had planned for the movie ‘Jhoom Barabar Jhoom’… we had decided that we wud cut the clinics the next day (we had Dermatology posting that time) and go for the movie… Anisa was goin thru that terrible phase of her life wen she hated attending clinics…. So, she was alrite wid it…. Newaz… the same evening Amuda complains of having joint pain… and that she wasn’t feeling all that well (chikenguniya was all over India in those days). Alrite .. still everything was ok.
The next morning I wake up by the noise of drawers being pulled… I get up and see that Amuda is all dressed up. She tells me that she is goin home … coz she isn’t feeling well… I was like .. umm ok dear no probs.. (coz I really believe that she wasn’t well the previous nite and its ok if she goes home).. newaz, so she leaves… I brush and all and then go to Anisa’s room and see that she isn’t there (she never gets up early, so I was actually surprised), Maliny was on her bed.. I ask her ki where’s Anisa…. She tells me, “Anisa’s gone home”…………..
That moment …. Wat I felt at that moment is something I can never explain… is something no one except mummy will ever understand…
The two gals went home widout informing me.. it was then that it struck me ki I woke up to isliye I found out ki Amuda was goin home… otherwise she too wud’ve left widout informing me.. just like this other girl….it mite sound a very silly thing.. but you know even oceans are made of drops of water pooled together… newaz….
I was alone in that hostel, which is not my hostel, where I go only for these two gals… they left me there, didn’t inform me that they were goin, cancelled a plan that was made not coz of me but coz of Anisa coz she wanted to “go somewhere, three of us together, we will add some masti to our dry lives”….
I had cried so bad….. I felt so alone.. so lost.. so lonely…. I wanted mummy…and I wished God was something I cud touch and I wanted Him to hold me, I wanted to lay my head on His lap and cry and I wanted Him to wipe away my tears and tell ki Kiran, ghabrao mat.. yeh sab beet jaaega!!
Wen I went to clinics on Monday, Anisa told me ki ‘that day I had come to clinics’ .. wow!!! the gal who hardly sees the face of the hospital, decides to start studying on that very day wen we had made plans…. And then she says, “We had decided na ki wud go for the movie IF we don’t come to clinics” … to CUT karna kisko kehte hai Anisa????? Or she doesn’t know the meaning of ‘CUTTING CLAASES”…. Newaz… I was so screwed by their behavior that I hardly attended Dermatology that year… only 3 or 4 classes.. seriously didn’t want to see their face…
If they didnt have it in them to go.. why the fuck did they tell me that they wud???? This is just one of the umpteen times they have hurt me… and then Anisa has the audacity to compare their fucking attitude to my not goin for the Convo… damn it!!! Have I left them alone.. they have the whole world with them… each one has an 8 member strong group…. They don’t need me… they don’t.. and Alhammdulillah, thanks to the crappish way in which they have treated me…. I don’t need them either….
These two gals have been my best teachers in life… not Amuda, am sorry.. she’z forgetful.. and well… I cant blame her all that much…. But I do blame Anisa… I do…. And I know wen u read this u’d be pissed off all the more…, but then my dear Ani, tell me, for the sake of Allah, am I wrong??????
Watevs!!! Pray don’t compare me and my attitude to you and your attitude…. There’s a heck lot of difference….
Now, since am so desp these days.. I wonder if if I’ll go for the study tour.. we r goin to Hyderabad and Pondicherry…. But again coz of the same reasons---- that I go crazy wen I miss prayers… and my OCD of cleanliness… I mite just end up not going…
Prolly these are the reasons I don like goin to LH also and I guess that’s why I didn’t attend the Convo… newaz… there’s no use attending 86th’s convo also.. but 88th ‘s convo shud be attended coz’ ONE boy is just toooo good luking.. :D.. but if we are attend convos for the boys….we will have to return even after we pass out coz the best among the boys are juniors….:D :D newaz…. Forget bout others… I shud at least be in a good mood during my own graduation ceremony….btw.. I am in the 90th..
Chalo fir theek hai…
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