Monday, 23 February 2009

The Tamasha of Slumdog Millionaire


My tympanics are goin to rupture if I hear any more ‘news’ bout this movie called ‘Slumdog Millionaire’…… seriously….
Well, ya !!! I have seen the movie… it’s grt really…. Full time pass…. Wat we’d call ‘Mast’. But, is it something that deserves all the grt hype that it’s got????
God!!!!!! noooooooo!!!
If tomorrow (shud I say today?) morning I hear that it’s got the Oscar…. I’d say that nothing cud have caused more shame to Oscar ….. jaao Oscar bhaiya.. chullu bhar paani mein doob maro!
And trust me, am not the only one who feels this way. For those who saw the movie before the boong bang, and all the hulla gulla, it must have been a ‘sahi’ movie…. Too good…. Lekin for people like me who saw the movie after it had already become an international hit… the movie wud be ok types… ummm chalta hai… nice movie…. And this coz’ we definitely do accept more from a movie that’s being nominated for the Oscars.. newaz..
It is just such a typical Indian attitude….we go crazy with any ‘firang’ acclaim…

Now tell me.. is this movie any closer to reality than let’s say ‘Taare Zameen Par’? or many many other Indian movies????? Ha ha I agree!! The slums are a reality (not in the whole of India)…. The riots are a reality (not in the whole of India), …. The business of child beggary is a reality (not in the whole of India)… the crime Lords are a reality (ummmm…. The goondas??? Ya.. goondas are everywhere) and the craze for Amitabh Bachan is a reality (again, not in the whole of India… don’t you know? In Kerala, the “World’s” Best Actor is Mohan Lal…. Never heard of him??? Well… never mind!!)

Which scenes strike as the most ‘funny’? (if, you can call it that!!) we’d get many answers to this question… one of the answers wud be the scene..where a firang couple is fooled by showing them the ‘bigest dhobi ghaat’ in India…….. how many hajmola bottles wud be needed to digest it?
And bout the scene where the young Jamaal takes another firang couple round the Taj Mahal and tells them all non-sense bout this beautiful monument (amazing how the ‘forces’ allowed this movie to be shown in the theatres….. without an ‘additional’ “Taj Mahal was actually a temple which was demolished and destroyed and etc etc etc by the Muslim invaders whose progeny is today destroying India” scene added to it!!! *blah*)… ….. u’d need hajmola, pudin hara.. jaljeera and eesab ghol… all of them.. to digest it.

Now, if you tell that these are unrealistic ‘masala’ added to make the movie work… then, I’d ask… what went wrong with ‘ A Wednesday’? it’s unrealistic enuf .. but, at least with a way more important subject…..
And A.R. Rehman being nominated for it?????? I mean… pllllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….. don’t behave like you’ve never heard Rehman before…..

The only thing I understand from all this tamasha is that it’s just the usual ‘firang’ habit of uchhalofying everything bad bout India…. I wonder how many of you have noticed this.. but if there’d be 8 people standing somewhere.. out of which 3 are skul students (so, they’d know English…. Even if from a skul dats not English Medium, they’d have some idea of the language newaz….) 1 is dressed in trousers and shirts and a tie with a briefcase in his hands and prolly even talking on his mobile in ENGLISH, and 4 others who are wearing mundus or even if pants… they luk like just those people whud NOT know English……the firang who needs to ask the way or any other typical firang doubt.. will choose from among the 4 ‘non-English-knowing’ people (based on who appears most non-English-knowing)… and ask the question in his/her twisted tongued English to the poor soul who’d look helpless…. And then the student or the tie-wala will offer help…

Any show on discovery…. Wen they visit other countries, they show the best streets, and live in the best hotels… but wen they are in India, they avoid streets (prefer the lanes), live in places even we as Indians wud try to avoid (minus the ‘money’ problem)…

Show them a beautiful and sacred tree… they wont take a pic of the tree but of the toffee wrappers lying near it….

Such are the firangs… absolutely in love with the not-so-good-and-shud-be-changed things bout India….. this becoz.. anything that they do find very-Indian-and-good , they learn it themselves and become Gurus and go back to their own firangistan and teach them as the art (or science) was born in that very country.. be it yoga, be it Sanskrit, be it bharat natyam……
Such beautiful Indian things will be shown in relation to firang teachers, or Indians settled abroad … or if they (so against their wishes) have to take shots of IRIs (Indians Residing in India).. they’d make them into the driest of documentaries….

No wonder Lagaan banged…. *blah*

Goin by the way things are.. you either gotto be a white, off-white, cream, black or brown in a white/black land…… coz a brown in a brown land is brown shit and nothing better….

Are we missing the fact that Slumdog was, after all, directed by a ‘firang’.

Now, coming to the Indian obsession of ‘white’ …. All we see is the-white-tareef-for-Indians…. We forget so easily that all this hype is grt but just see ki wat a picture of India does this give to others????
Another example of the Indian-White-craze is that how easily we can accept (‘whites’ aand ‘blacks’) saving the world from Aliens, space ships, dinosaurs…. How easily we cud take in Matrix…. But .. but… but…. Krish had a tough time becoming a superhero… Rudraksh was ‘unreal’ ( o ya!!! Dinos aur slimy aliens to har gali mein ghumte hai na!) and Love Story 2050 was a ’robotic disaster’......
For people of this kind… mubarak ho! Hindustan ki khaamiyon par duniya taali baja rahi hai! Aap bhi bajao!

Newaz…. If I had to show the bad side of India … I’d rather send Traffic Signal, Apharan….. not Slumdog newaz….
And ask me to show the real side of India.. I’d show ‘Swami’ which is ‘middle-class’, the class that constitutes majority of Indians…. I’d show ‘A Wednesday’ coz that’s what every Indian aims to be (or shud aim to be),… not slumdog.. never…..

Allah hafiz


Heena Kausher Ansari said...

Common aapi...

i found Jamal cute :P
apart from that....Jai ho me wo dupattat acha tha jo uss heroine ne pehna tha :P

got ma point...;)

JaLpArI said...

lolz.... ya!!!
dats true!!
jamaal was too cute!
lukd like a younger version of naseeruddin shah!

o0UmmHasan0o said...

come and choose an award!


Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.



Educate The Muslimah !!!!


Pay Your Zakaat To The Deserving!!!

Shorten Url


Speak Out !!!

About Me

My photo
Port Blair, Andamans, India
I am exactly as you think I am!

Don't You Copy Wat I Write !!! Registered & Protected


Creative Commons License
This work is licenced under a Creative Commons Licence.