Monday, 23 March 2009

Scared Of Being A Muslim???

I am a Muslimah, Alhamdulillah! But, how far am I ready to take my identity as one????

Certain things that have been happening in the past few years make me feel so miserable… miserable bout the state Huzur’s Ummati is in. There are many sides to it…

Let’s start with that which is the most important for Muslims in the present scenario,

Terrorism…….. I don’t think I need to speak much bout it.. the television, newspapers, internet and other possible means by which we can gain information, are all bestowing their graces upon us. We are in no dearth of news bout terrorists, wannabe-terrorists, framed-terrorists, anti-terrorism terrorists and so on. These are people who love violence and yes, these are Muslims; not that Muslims in general love violence, nor is it that this fraction of Muslims is the only one which loves violence, you’d find many such in other religions and castes too, but…. We all know the way this world runs… so, the fact that remains is- Terrorists are Muslims.. and worse still.. Muslims are Terrorists!

Now, in my opinion, as in the opinion of many- Terrorism was not the cause behind Islamophobia…. Islamophobia existed from ever. Islamophobia existed when the infidels conspired to kill Huzur S.A.W, Islamophobia existed when the Jews set out to kill Jesus A.S, Islamophobia existed when Noah A.S. was rejected by His people….
Islamophobia existed from ever, it’s only that the word can be given an official status of being called wat it is being called since the coming of our Prophet, Beloved Huzur S.A.W. coz’ non-Muslims newaz don believe the previous Prophets to be Muslims, they are of the belief that Muhammad S.A.W was a crazy man greedy for power, fame, money and the blah blahs… crazy enuf that He thot people wud actually follow such a difficult religion, crazy enuf to be following that difficult religion Himself, crazy enuf to refuse Kingdoms offered, crazy enuf to live a life with meager possessions, crazy enuf to live in a fear of persecution for being a ‘preacher’, crazy enuf to continue ‘preaching’ all the same, crazy enuf to die a simple death, nothing dramatic bout his death, and of course, crazy enuf not to rise back(?) after He died….
Other Prophets who did just the same… some call them ‘Messiah’, whereas Muhammad- He is a man possessed!!! Like I said- We all know the way this world runs …
Even many Muslims somehow seem to skip the fact that God did not send any other religion to this world…. The one religion was to worship God! God and no other entity! So, that makes all those Prophets gone by and Huzur, Prophets of the same religion….
The only difference being the introduction of the term ‘Islam’ at the time of Huzur.
So, coming bak to wat I was saying- Islamophobia existed from ever and it is this anti-Islamism dat led to terrorism, whether insidiously, whether abruptly, whether directly, whether indirectly- hatred towards Islam was the cause and not the outcome of Terrorism.
This ‘hatred’ plus the material greed is wat has caused all the terrorist activities the world over. The people at the top have the material greed and the people who are actually killed, who actually become the ‘suicide bombers’ are the victims of the aforesaid ‘hatred’.
All this is done in the name of Allah, in the name of Jehad…. Far from being Jehad, these are sins guaranteeing them their entry into Hell. But, use of the term ‘Jehad’ is crucial to the power-men… ‘Jehad’, the Struggle, is an established and essential part of Islam,… no rank is higher than a Jehadi… recruitment to any ‘organization’ would become next to impossible if ‘Jehad’ is not used… go and ask a Muslim if he is ready to kill women and children…….. go and ask a Muslim if he is ready to blow buses and buildings, go and ask Him if he would do this, no sane Muslim wud agree…. Go and ask him if he’d be a Jehadi,….. no sane Muslim wud disagree……..
After you recruit men, all you need is a few Quranic verses, mind you.. only a few.. coz’ the whole of the Quran wud have them busted… so, be careful and choose the appropriate verses.. one from here and one from there….. and your work is done!
Unfortunately,Not even one-third of all that is being done in the name of Jehad would qualify as Jehad!
Religion, I believe, is a narcotic…. It can get you addicted….. it can make you fall in love, it can make you kill, it can make you get killed, it can drive you crazy..
Narcotic- A very thin line separates its therapeutic uses from its abuse.
Religion, like narcotics, brings with it a passion unparalleled, and with that extra dash of passion that we Muslims are blessed with (it’s a truth! Don’t cringe!), we are the most susceptible to fall into the category of abuse.
I don’t remember well the year in which we learnt it, but, there was a chapter in our English text (10th, 11th or 12th .. am not sure!), where the author says that ‘Religion is the second most decisive factor that differentiates people, next only to language’… I cudn agree more!

Terrorism in all its glory is the most crucial element in any Muslim’s life rite now. That’s coz’ he stands a chance of being treated as a terrorist even though he’s not, he stands a chance of being killed coz’ he was suspected to be a terrorist, he stands a chance of losing his family members who in turn are killed by terrorists or by people who mistook them to be terrorists or by people who framed them under charges of terrorism coz’ the real terrorists cudn be captured and people and the media had to be appeased with some Muslim blood; he stands a chance of being caught in a fear of being considered a terrorist and every move in his life then starts revolving around the attempt to show that he’s not a terrorist, he stands a chance of being abused, ridiculed, laughed at; he stands a chance of being constantly made to defend his religion and its principles; he stands a chance of being pointed at for the reason that he got defensive; he stands a chance of seeing none his defenses being accepted with no reasonable counter claims; and finally he stands a chance of becoming a terrorist himself coz of reasons not hidden to anyone.

And all the Islamophobia (which, like I said, existed from ever and has only been accentuated post 9/11) has led to anoder phobia… ‘Islamophobia’phobia…….
The fear of being feared of……….


Having told bout wat I think has lead to the few incidents that im goin to mention, I wish to state, in addition, that these are only the few cases I have seen or heard of within my family, im making no attempts to cover the wide range of insecurities a Muslim is facing today. Writing bout how a Hindu can grow a beard without second thots bout his safety, but a Muslim growing a beard is taking a risk; how a Sikh with relatives in Pakistan wudn be ashamed or scared but a Muslim with Paki relatives is somehow, not very comfortable bout it; would only take up too much of space and too much of time.

The most recent in the series of events, and that which sparked off this post, has to do wid Azhar. Moved to Bangalore on the 20th and trying to get acquainted with his new locality, apparently, a locality with a substantial Muslim population; Azhar was relieved to find a mosque within walking distance from his rented flat, which is also within walking distance from his workplace (wat I mean is all the three are within walking distance of each other). So much for that. The next words he utters is bout how ‘people’ (whom I choose not to mention) have been telling him to be ‘safe’, how not to go about ‘showing’ that he’s a Muslim….. how he shudn alone ask any person at office that he wishes to go pray Jummah, how he shudn get involved with the mosque much as in any kind of Jamaat wagairah. …….now, as wud be expected of me, I got totally crossed at this.. so he went on to explain the situation by giving me a few examples of how innocent Muslims get screwed for being just that-‘ innocent Muslims’! Midway explaining the second incident, he stopped short and told, ‘let’s not say so much over phone!’…. well, whatever he meant remains understood by him.. all that I know is that it sounds pretty familiar to me… I have a Kashmiri friend who says this very often ‘let’s not say so much over phone!’.. now, coming from a Kashi’s mouth it doesn’t sound all that alien…. Coz of the fact that he’s a Kashi, after all… but, a Hindi saying such a thing in Hindustan is not something I as an Indian can be proud of!......
2 days in Bangalore and ppl learn to be ‘careful’ as Muslims….. wonder wat wud happen in 2 years!!!!
I can only pray for this little boy……

The next instance I mention also involves Azhar and me,,,,, at an eating joint in Chennai…. We r having our dinner wen a cutie little Chinky gal (for ppl whose vocabulary doesn’t include this word, ‘chinky’ refers to ppl of the Mongoloid race.. those gorgeous people with the slanting tiny winy eyes) comes near our table. Now, Azhar has this bad bad habit of talking to all the children he meets on this big planet called earth… so, as usual he calls this girlie towards him…. And I tell him not to …. Now, here’s the thing.. I tell him not to call her, not because I don find the child cute, nor coz I think children are a nuisance and not for any other reason dat someone mite think…. I tell him not to call her coz’ .. well… we r Muslims… and since I wear the headscarf, it’s not hidden to the world around that I am one… and given the grt love people have for Muslims, it wudn be a surprise if the child’s mother got Azhar and me jailed for trying to abduct a foreign national kid, or worse still… jailed for an attempt to stealthily drop a bomb into the little gal’s bag….or any other strange ‘hobbies’ that Muslims are reported to nurture.
Newaz… the kid’s mom yanked her back to place!!!!

A certain lady (again, not mentioning her name wud be prudent) told my sister, “Shaima, tum Faris ka naam Mohammed Faaris kyu rakhi hai???? Faaris Tabraiz kar do!”
[Shaima (my sister), why have you named Faaris (my sister’s son) Mohammed Faaris? Change it to Faaris Tabraiz!]
“Even I’m changing my son’s name from Mohammed ***** to ***** ******”
“Aajkal ‘Mohammed’ naam rakhne se bohot problem hota hai”
[nowadyas, you face a lot of problems if you keep the name’Mohammed’]
My aapa was shell-shocked! Cud a person be more disgusting than this???????

And well, let’s end it with the oh-so-well-known-Kashmir-phobia! A certain friend of mine was told by his mom to keep a safe distance from his Kashmiri friends (he was a part of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggg Kashmiri group…. All Kashis, he was the only Hindi) for the reason that since he was a Muslim, he was more likely to be caught up in a mess if he had Kashi friends than if he was a Hindu or Sikh or something else…. The very same thing has been reiterated from time to time by my own mum with regard to that Kashi friend of mine…..

Now, I seriously do wonder if this is right by any means…. Hiding ur religion or being scared of it bcoz others are scared of it!
I had read sometime bak bout a concept among a certain fraction of Muslims (I choose not to mention the name of the fraction coz I believe in One Islam and see no reason to divide Islam based upon ANYHTING) by which we cud lie bout religion to protect our lives….. the name of that concept/idea or watev u call it escapes me rite now…. I guess it’s the subconscious mind at work.
They say that we tend to forget things that our subconscious mind refutes…. That we ‘intrinsically’ don’t believe in. Our mind tends to block off all such info.
I guess that’s wat happenin to me now.. coz I had spent a handsome amount of time reading bout that ‘thing’, and now, within months I have forgotten almost everything I had read… perhaps coz’ I didn’t believe in it at all (and , I still don’t)
Well, according to ‘It’ (and they claim that ‘It’ is present in all the said ‘fractions’ of Islam, only that people don’t follow it), if faced by a situation where we need to save our lives, we can lie bout our religion.
Now, this brings before us 2 things-
One, all the above quoted instances don’t deal with any actual threat to life.. they are all ‘imagined threats’.
Two, if so were the case (they give examples from the earliest times of Islam being brought by Huzur, when people used to hide their religion due to the fear of being persecuted), wat bout the coming of the Dajjal?? Wudn Dajjal say the same thing? To say that he’s God? Wud it be rite then for Muslims to say ‘Yes, Mr. AntiChrist, you are the God’ , while in their hearts remained Muslims???????????? And then wen the Anti-Christ is finally slain by Christ to come bak to Christ and say ki ‘Jesus bhaiya yeh to falaane falaane concept ke basis mein humne kiya’………
Well… I don think so.. I have always been hearing that the ultimate test of faith wud be in front of the Anti-Christ, wen only the true believers will remain stable, and the rest wud fall for the Dajjal’s tricks….. or did they mean, true believers ‘at heart’ and not ‘by action’ and not ‘by words’.
In my opinion a true believer will not change his religion, whether at heart, whether by words, whether by actions…..

I don’t think we shud stop living our lives coz we r Muslims, coz’ ‘people’ might be offended by our presence or by words like “InshAllah” and “Allah hafiz”…. Whatever comes, let it come…. As long as we rnt doing anything wrong and we r true in the sight of Allah, any false claims of my being a terrorist or anything similar shudn scare me off from living the life that God has Blessed me with.
Newaz…. So, I pray to God to Guide us all and keep us steadfast in religion, with no fears.

Allah hafiz.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Journal Entry- 20th June, 2007.

I know you are sad! she has hurt you…but tumhe to pata tha who kaisi ladki hai! Fir bhi kyu bharosa kiya uspe? – Are yaar! I thought… just maybe.. par ab samajh mein aa gaya na ki kaisi bitch hai who.. bas ab aur dil mat lagao… har us cheez se dil hatao jaha dil tootne ka dar laga rehta hai.. khud mein khush rehna seekho.. kuchh cheese yaad rakho-
1. Kabhi unhe phone na karo jo tumhara phone nahi uthate hai.
2. kabhi unka phone na lo jo tumhara phone nahi lete hai.
3. Kabhi unse kuchh mat mango jo tumko kuchh nahi dete hai.
4. Par dene se zyada mat katraao, kyuki Allah dene waalo pe Rehem karte hai.
5. Par kabhi itna bhi mat do ki khud lut jaao.
6. Be independent- Dusro ke saath aane jaane ke khwaab mat sajaao.. Allah jab saathi denge tabhi saathi milega.. Tumhaare hath failane ka koi faayda nahi.
7. Agar koi doubt ho to koshish karo teachers se poochhne ka.
8. Apni khushi ke liye magazines khareedo, craft karo, novels padho… par dukhi mat raho.
9. Allah ne jo diya hai uski kadar karo! Aur Maalik ka har haal mein shukr ada karo.
10. Jo log pyaar karte hai tumko- unko kabhi dukh mat do- Abbu, Mummy, Aapa, Azhu.
11. Akele ghumne jaao... duso ki parwah mat karo.
12. Padhai karo—in the name of Allah- that’s wat ypu have come here for.
13. Pursue ur hobbies- write poems, letters, stories…
14. Apne akelepan ko apni taakat banao, not weakness.
15. Write ur diary regularly- isse dil ka bojh halka hoga- and wen you write, write as if no one will ever read it- apna dil khol ke rakh do ispe.
16. cleanse, tone and moisturize daily.
17. Pray regularly.
18. Keep a hisaab of ur expenditure.
19. Stop being jealous- it kills!
20. Never lament over the time you have lost… there’s always time if you have the heart to do anything.
21. Don’t waste time being sad- baaki doing anything won’t be a waste of time e.g. if u r listening songs, you are relaxing; if you are dreaming, you are doing wat u like doing best; but, if you are simply sad.. you are just sad and doing nothing…
22. Dress up well- if it makes you happy…
23. Always save some money to buy some junk jewellery- I know you love it!
24. Don’t save too much money for Fiza and Faaris- do that wen u start earning- now spend on yourself… just be happy!
25. Don’t forget to spend on Fiza and Faarsi wen you do start earning- Remember they are your jaans- your first babies…
26. Always buy something for Ayaan wen you go home- even if aapa tells you not to… remember he was like your nephew for 5 years… Learn to be grateful!
27. Always but things for aunty’s kids… they are a blessing of Allah… Again, learn to be grateful.
28. Please make yourself the picture bok- even if you are dead lazy!
29. Never mind dreaming unrealistic things.. it’s OK even if they don’t come true.
30. Remember all dreams come true some way or the other!
31. If you ever get a chance to choose between anything and happiness, plz remember to chosse happiness… don’t forget!
32.Remember to take care of your parents wen they are old… keep it as a condition to your husand… whoever; and if Azhar.. remind him of his promise…
33. Don’t fight with Azhar… he’s a good boy with a bad temper… it’s OK.
34. Leave the habit of talking bad bout others in front of etc. people.. Bitch only to abbu, mummy, aapa and Azhar… :) .. others- if you bitch to them, they’ll ditch you.
35. Never let someone- anyone break your heart.
36. Live in ur dreamworld… in ur fairyland, it’s O.K.
37. It’s OK- in general.
38. Plz stop feeling jealous of Azhu.. remember he’s stood with you through everything and InshaAllah will.
39. Clean your room regularly.
40. Don’t leave things unfinished.
41. It’s OK to make mistakes… even if they are big ones.
42. Kabhi kisis ke saamne mat bolo ki you hate this one or that one- kyunki actually mein you don’t.. but you say just to say… and others don’t know this… Never let anyone use your words against you!
43. Don’t compromise on your ego except with Azhar.
44. Remember to talk to Sahil daily- he’s your baby.
45. Never give a word- you’re too moody for that.
46. Show what you feel- never pretend.. I know you don’t. So, good! Be that ways…
47. if a person is much good to you with little faults to others… overlook the faults.. as long as he/she is good to you.. you can’t go about sudhaarofying the whole world.
48. It’s OK to talk to yourself . Loudly.
49. It’s OK to be fat.. but, fir bhi try to reduce.. if you can’t.. don’t die.. be fat.. be happy…newaz.. slim or fat.. you have to die.
50. Read advertisements- they give good slogans!
51. Try not to cut ceitics to much.
52. Be happy with Alleppey, you wouldn’t have been able to see Fizhu Faaru or even Azhar, had you been in Lucknow!
53. Don’t talk wisdom to fools… they won’t understand.
54. Don’t talk to people who are known to be wise.. coz’ they are bull shit hypocrites… you are the wisest… of the sinning mortals, I mean! Allah is the Wisest… Sorry!
55. Read this regularly… and add up further..
Now, good nite……
56. Whenever you love, love sincerely!
57. Each day try talking as little “bad” as possible. Try not to bitch even to mummy… if not possible.. OK.. tell them.. but still pehle try not to bitch…
Ok!now goodnite!

Saturday, 21 March 2009

Long time !!!

Writing after a very long time…. Well, I returned from Chennai yesterday and am kind of homesick…. For people who are wondering how can I possibly be homesick after returning from a place that’s not ‘Home’… well, Chennai is the ‘Mainland Home’ for all localites in the Andamans……it’s the one place which feels like our own in the whole of India (mainland India)… sometimes I feel there are more Islanders in Chennai than in the Islands…. Newaz…
My batch has gone for the study tour- Pondicherry, Hyderabad, a place with a strange name starting with ‘M’ and Hoganakkal….. Almas didn’t go :) :) :) remember how unsure I was???? Ha ha ha !!!! so, here I am in Alleppey, feeling lost and lonely… and again dreaming of a life that had people called ‘friends’… my kind of friends….
Well well well… forget it!
Have got myself a few clothes…but am happiest bout the black Scullers shirt :) … know wat? Azhar too has a black shirt by Scullers…. :) we r ‘same pinch’ now!!! :D :D :D
It’s actually to be worn inside the short sleeved and sleeveless kurtis… looks ok wid some.. but not wid all.. besides, I wil die of the heat (wore it yesterday!)
Hmmm wat else?
Gotto write a review of a book for the college mag, wen I tuk it I thot twud be a very boring buk.. but, my God! Wat a sexy buk it is!!! As is the case always, I dropped the buk midway and picked up ‘Interpretation of Dreams’… but, I think I wil go bak to ‘Making of a Rural Surgeon- An Autobiography’ by Dr. Ravindranath R. Tongaonkar….
I really am a crazy nut…. Just the fact that I am expected to write the review in the next 5 days, makes me shirk the book away.
I have got the new episodes of Lost too… I’m in love wid Richard Alpert.. whatever his real name is! :D
Hmmm, saw many movies… old ones… District B13 was the best… bestest best!! :D :D :D
Missing good food…..don’t know if I shud eat from my mess or go to the college canteen… but that wud mean dress up, take a bus and blah blah blah blah… besides those grt batchmates of mine have taken the room key with them.. so I have no place to pray :( :( and I don want to make the namaaz kazaa for no reason…. I have noticed that if we delay the namaaz even a bit.. it gets delayed a lot…. A lot means a lot! So, best is always to pray on time! Esp if u can!
Azhu’s got his joining date.. inshaAllah he starts his job at Elxsi from Monday at Bangalore.. :) :) :) the pay has been cut a bit! But that’s k… considering that placements have been reduced to nil and many are losing jobs…. One of Azhar’s friends was placed in Satyam… kismet!! And ya! Ghazaali has got a 99 pointer for his MBA entrance, he’d got 92 and 95 the previous 2 years…at present he’s in 2nd yr of M.Tech at BITS-Ranchi…. But, he’s trying for the IIMs.. if he gets thru, he’ll leave the M.Tech….
After the training period, Azhar can be sent to one of the many places where Elxsi has its office , one is in Trivandrum…. Earlier, we used to say that Azhar wil come here.. twill be local for us… im actually fed up of spending on STD…. plus, he’d be only 4 hrs away with buses running every half hour!!!
But, a few weeks bak I spoke to Rahul… he didn’t really like the idea! Later, I too realized that calling Azhar to TVM wud be very very selfish of me! Kerala is a difficult place to survive…. Bad food, conservative society, and strange people! Well.. people are strange everywhere… its only the extra rigidity in the ppl here that make them stranger than the rest of the world!
Aur , Azhar himself told me that he’d take Chennai, if given an option.. otherwise wherever… I know wat he meant.. he meant that he wudn opt for TVM…. I felt really bad… but, its ok… coz I know this place is a mess… if I call him to Kerala in spite of knowing the way Kerala runs…. It only shows how little he means to me!!! Coz if he means any deal, I’d keep his life free of the trouble I’m facing! That’s the reason why I don’t pressurize my parents much…I know things wudn be as bad for mummy if she comes here… but abbu will have a really tough time… I do feel bad and I do call them… but I don’t cry and plead anymore… I change bak to normal widin minutes…
Isn’t one miserable life enuf? That I want so many miserable lives???????????

And ya I have come to know that thetre ka sukh mere kismat mein nahi…. I had never been for a night show so, I told hero to take me to one… very strangely, Satyam didn’t have any movies for the nite.. we found a hindi movie at Ega… a film jiska kabhi naam bhi nahi suna tha… newaz…. The shagun was so grt that we were seen at Spencers’ Pathankot Food Court, reported to Don…. Reached the theatre in a bad mood … and came to know that the nite show’s been cancelled- the owner expired!!!
Wat more proof do I want??????
Sometihngs aren’t meant for me… long ago it used to be internet at the caf├ęs and now it’s movie theatres.
Before I left for Chennai, I had been reading my old diaries… found a few entries that really touched me…. Will post some…
Allah hafiz

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

sometimes.... silly things hurt so bad!


am trying to reach somewhere...somewhere... am trying to get something... no i aint trying actually.. i only wish i cud.... i wish had... but i dont and i wont.. or wud i.... i wish such a lot... i am really nuts... and then i hurt myself... coz i know certain things just don't happen... am trying to touch dat which cannot be touched.. see that which is invisible... i don want to be hurt... but i cant get myself to turn back... y am behaving in such a crazy way?????? why do i want it? i already have the best.. what makes me want something lesser than the best......or is it only for the thrill..... its good as long as it is away... coz the moment i have it i wont want it!!! but, wats beter? to get it.. then leave it????or never to have it at all.......... you are being greedy my gal.....
let go!
wats urs is wid u..... and wats urs wil somehow come to u...... so dont burden urself thinking.......... break free!!!
and remember no one is perfect..... prolly dat which appears so beautiful is only a wrapping on an empty box...... you aren't empty, for one.... and u rnt dat bad a wrapping too ...lolz... so just buck up!!!
coz wats urs is urs......
Allah hafiz


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