Sunday, 31 May 2009

The Good And The Bad. . .

The whole bloody problem is that we expect people to be like us. But, fortunately or unfortunately, we are all different, very different. So, someone who is bad expects people to be bad. . . Coz . . . Well. . . He knows the golden rule of 'You Get What You Give'. . . And since he is so full of hatred, he feels others too are like him. . And even if they arent showin it . . Thats what they inherently are - BAD! ! Likewise, we can speak of someone who is 'good' and goes bout thinkin that everyone around him should and will love him coz, after all, he loves them.
but since the world is burdened by such a rapidly growing human population, chances are that you meet people (more often than not) who are as different in their thoughts and beliefs as is the difference between Paris Hilton and Mother Teresa. . .
and such 'clashes', 'meetings' or whatever you want to call them, lead to a totally bafflin world..... Where the good ones go on getting their hearts broken (coz they were being good but their goodness wasnt believed and they got no reciprocation) and the
bad ones go on turnin the world into a bad place (coz they are bad and they cant see any goodness, and this narrow vision strengthens their dedication to be bad ).
And this discrimination of nature against the 'good' makes them. . . Forces them to turn 'bad'.
And this 'All bad' situation means a total collapse of love, faith, hope and everything beautiful.
And thats exactly how and exactly why the world will end.
There shud have been a barricade dividing the good and the bad, so that, the imminent collapse of the bad would affect only their side of the world; leaving the good in peace.

Now dont go about the 'life needs both bad and good' song. . . I have heard it enuf and know that 'Yes thats how its gonna be'. And what 'IS' is precisely what 'SHOULD BE'. But, that doesnt rule out things that 'COULD HAVE BEEN'.
For all I know, a life of such a heart-tearing variety is not something I, personally, would like to call a 'LIFE'.
But, this is what 'LIFE IS'. I know it. And I see no one but God takin the pleasure out of this mess. And probably the mess is not actually a mess, it is the most organized thing in the world, but, I believe this kind of 'organization' is only for the Immortal Being to know and understand and amuse Himself with. And again, I dont believe in 'Everything is Immortal' kind of things. I am most definitely a mortal, and so are 'you' , if there is any 'you' reading this- whether you buy it or not.
So, well. . . The majority is sloggin it out to please the Minority, . . . . And oh! What a Minority! A Minority of one single (entity).

And so I reach the conclusion that there is no chance of any 'good' remaining. Any attempt anyone takes to do any good is entirely at his own risk. You can move on, stand still, turn back, or jump into the sea. . . Your wish. There is always a choice . . Even the choice of not choosing is, after all, a choice.
So, go ahead make your choice between the good and the bad.

P.S - The 'good' and the 'bad' are very subjective. . . The lesser we speak bout it the better. Each one with his own meanings of the words. . This is an example of 'goodness' in my philosophy.
P.S 2- No apologies to any care-takers of the English language for repeating the same words so many times. This is an example of 'badness' in my philosophy.

Allah hafiz

Saturday, 30 May 2009

Love You Too Aapa :)

Love You Too… :) :) :)

Thank you so much for sayin ‘Luv U’….. it’s very rare from your mouth. Nai?
:D :D :D :D :D :D
You have no idea how good I am feeling…
Not that I doubt ur love for me, but, fir bhi, you know, love shud be expressed…. :D :D :D
I love you too….
We are a veryyy small family…. Tiny…
There’s a God above all….. and then there’s us….
And know wat ? it’s good this way…
Though I must say, sometimes it really hurts…. Like before Fiza Faris turned one… I had gone to a toy shop here with Anisa to buy things for them…. Tab Ani told ki,
“Ya Almas, you will have to give them good things…. You are the only one to give from their mummy’s side na!”

It felt bad….
It feels bad that I am the only one from ur side…Calcutta is far away….
I remain as the only one….
It scares me sometimes….

Wat scares me more is that You wud be the only one for my children, InshaAllah wen they come. Will my children too have a childhood as lonely as mine?
Will they ever be able to give gifts to Fiza Faris? I mean hi-fi types…. I wonder if Don will love my kids… Im so scared bout my future with Don… I don want anything to happen to us aapa-You and Me…..
I love you….
People keep going away from my life… it’s kind of amusing wen seen in retrospect…
I don want my children to be ‘cousin-less’ if u know wat I mean….
Sometimes I think twud hav been better if we were boys..
We wud still be wid abbu-mummy….
They wudn be alone…
And our children wud be together…..
Jaise ki…. Ayaan is their brother…
Faris wud ve been the elder brother to my kids… he wud come back from his classes and play with my children….
But then. I feel.. wats the point?
I too remember playing with Khalid Bhaiya….
Nothing remains…………..

…. Wen I think of the people here, I mean at home, it hurts coz they are broken relations…....

I also remember playing with Gem bhaiya, Manik bhaiya….. while I know that was for a very brief time, I don’t have anything sad haunting me
Wen I think of Calcutta, I don’t feel any love… NIL…. But in the least… i know its coz of the distance.. the relations aren’t broken…..

In that way im glad we r sisters…. U hav gone away.. and I wud inshaAllah go away ….
There wudn be any ‘living together mess’….

Fir bhi………..sometimes I wish I had a huuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggeeeeeeee family…. With cousin brothers and sisters, uncles and aunties…..

Good that we r alone……… save a lot of tears… :D
And ya…. Love you too…..
Love you sooooooooooooooo much.

And hey.. sorry cudn do it earlier….
Here’s the CONGRATS…..
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

So, wen do I et a treat????????

Tc aapa………..
Lots of kisses (advanced kisses---- can tear all the shields.. ;D)

Thursday, 28 May 2009

Six Months Hijabi :) :) Alhamdulillah!!!!


Alhamdulillah! It’s 6 months since I started wearing the hijab.
28 November 2008 to 28 May 2009
It was my b’day… my 21st bday. And it was the second day of the All-Kerala Intermeds held at my college.
Allah gave me a beautiful b’day gift. :) …..the most beautiful bday gift I have ever received. The second most beautiful being my name ‘Almas Kiran’ on the 28th of November 1987… moments after I was born.
Well, so here I am a 6 month old hijabi….

I remember oh-so-well how scared I was before I started off with it… I had cried like a baby in front of Anisha …. And I was sooooooo worried……
The first day.. I was with Saheba and Nadia , both from Port Blair (Saheba is a good friend from school) and are now doing MBBS in Thrissur Med Colg…like I told, we had the Intermeds going on… and so they were here in Aleppey… they had been so negative bout it/// so hell negative…. They were literally begging me not to wear ‘that thing’…. And that morning when I wore it finally, Saheb went on staring at me… Nads was somewat cooler coz’ I guess she wasn’t really my FRIEND… mayb .. don know… well.. newaz.. they both made me feel worse…
Saheba told, “hum log ka saath mein mat chalo” (don’t walk with us)……..and Nadia replied “Hum to pehchanta hi nahi yeh kaun hai” (I don’t know who she is)… wen we left the quarters… to go to the college, they were so silent… they made me so not wanted!
It felt bad, you know…….. felt bad coz they were Muslims….
Newaz… since twas my bday… since the intermeds were in my own college.. since I was leaving for home the next day and since I had to be at the announcing desk… I knew I wudn be able to be with them that day.. I had to be with my own classmates.. and I had been very sad up until then…. But, since they were behaving in such a crass way, I was like thankful to God that I was not to be with them that day…
I was very scared as to how my classmates wud react… but Alhamdulillah ! they were so wonderful!!!!!!!!!!! Each and everyone of them…..
Why is it always like that??? Whenever you need to do something ‘Islamic’, you are supported most by ur non-Muslim friends?????
Or does it happen to me alone???
Many thot I have done it up only for that day (coz twas my bday.. so they thot it’s like some mannat-wannat),,,but, on the whole.. ppl were so good to me…
Allah bless them all.
I was so conscious….. so hell conscious…
Dekho, if I had started wearing the headscarf on the first day to a place, they wud know me that way.. they wudn mind… but wen u have dressed in aa totally opposite manner in front of these very ppl.. (just the previous day as well :/) and one fine day, you come up like this… you are bound to get stares… you are bound to feel conscious….

Many seniors asked me if someone had TOLD me to wear it…
Actually, malayali Muslim gals not covering their head (even if partially) is sumthing very rare… and wen I had started college I was like the most talked bout gal coz I dressed up in such an ‘ugly’ way….. (no it wasn’t ugly… not hijabic, that’s all..)

By the time it was night… I was feeling better and more relaxed…. I cudn meet Saheba and Nadia again that day… got busy with work….
Good in many ways…
Bad coz I cudn even meet Shanoob… and he’s one of those so-easily-gets-mad people…
Otherwise, I think God helped me by keeping me away from those gals….

The next day wen I went to meet Rahiya aunty who lives near my hostel…. She hugged me , kissed me and congratulated me…

Amuda and Me

Anisa and Me

I know it so well that wen I go back home and wen I meet my old friends they will laugh their hearts out wen they see me (they haven’t seen me yet)…not the non-Muslims… they will find it strange and awkward and all things stupid… but they wont make fun…. But the Muslims… the ‘Ummah’… they will have a good time laughing and mocking…. Because you know , Islam is baap ka maal!

I remember how I’d cried for Kerala during my counseling……. I remember how scared I was from going up north…. I was so hell-bent on staying in the South… the only seat remaining in the South was of Alleppey… so, here I am.
:) :) :) :)
One of the options was King George Med Col, Lucknow which is one of the top 10 Med Cols in India… I didn’t know it then….and I keep lamenting over how I ended up in this No-Hindi land by mistake…
But then, :) :)
I don think KGMC wud have given me Hijab……:) :)
Kerala rox!
God has strange ways… wen He wants to give You something… He gives it so silently… you don’t even come to know…

Here’s one of my all time fav quotes from my most fav novel, “Giants Bread” by A.Christie

“God knew best. One rebelled at the time, but one came at last to realize that whatever happened was really for the best.”

:) :) :) :)

Love you God! ‘fight’ postponed till I next get mad at You.
And well, fight ya no fight… Love You like crazy…mmmwwwaaahhh!!!

some other posts on my hijab

2nd Month Hijab Anniversary
Hijab-A Conversation between two so-called Muslims

My Hijab Story

Hijabi Life

Tips for beeginning to wear hijab

The Gutsy Hijabis

tc all
Allah hafiz

When I die and come to meet you, I am goin to ask only one question. 'Why did you make me a girl?' . . . . Think of some real good answers . . . . Coz we are goin to have a big fight.

Love Across The Miles.......


I seriously think that ur boyfriend (lets keep it to boyfriends coz’ talking bout husbands is kind of beyond my capacity) shud be someone like you and not really complementary. Ya, we may feel the need for some variety in life… but trust me the need for similarity is way greater than the need for variety….

Imagine a boyfriend studying your own course…. You both know which subjects are hard, which are easy, ….. you know how to go about your studies, … you know about your field so you can actually talk bout it, you can have common careers… you can understand wats difficult to be achieved and wats not….imagine..
Imagine a boyfriend in your own college….. you are together in the canteen…together watching the matches, together in the intermeds…. Together in the garden… together in the functions, together working, together relaxing… having the same hospital, the same teachers, same selctions, same text books… knowing all that the other knows.. same gossip, same weather… imagine
Imagine a boyfriend who is in your own class and not a senior….. someone who will be having exams wen u r having examz and hols wen u r having hols…imagine..
Imagine a boyfriend in ur own batch (I mean ‘clinics batch’ )… better still, in your own unit…. You go take cases together, you examine patients together…. Your end-postings are on the same day…. You stand in the verandah waiting for ur turn to answer the viva--- together…, you can have combined studies…, you can be together in the college bus… you attend the same treats… you have common friends, you have common classes, ….imagine……
If not anything, imagine a boyfriend in ur own state…. Having the same state holidays, having to learn the same languages, celebrating the same festivals, and above all, talking on ‘local’ instead of ‘std’………imagine……

Fine………. Forget bout it all… imagine a boyfriend who loves reading…. Who reads good buks and suggests you authors… someone with whom you can sit and discuss sensible things….who loves history, religion, arts, astrology, cats, mysticism, philosophy, literature, family, freedom, ……………imagine

My boyfriend is an engineer. Full stop. No comments on engineers.
He studied in a college very different from mine, his was a private college with everything hi-fi, and mine is a Govt. college. His college was in a metro and mine is in a tiny town in Kerala.
My boyfriend was a senior at school…. We were never together… I was in 12th wen he left for Chennai for his graduation (there are no professional colleges back home)… I was left behind imagining things, feeling insecure and crying myself to sleep….
And since he isn’t in my class or my course, no question of him being in my batch.
We were in the same state for three years. Then for one year I was in Andamans and he in Tamil Nadu. Then three years, me in Kerala and he in Tamil Nadu. And then nine months me in Kerala, he in Andamans. And now, me still in Kerala, he in Karnataka.
He doesn’t like reading, he doesn’t have favourite authors, we never ‘discuss’, he doesn’t like history, religion, arts, astrology, cats, mysticism, philosophy, literature… he likes family- his own- of which I am definitely not a part. He likes freedom- from me- and bondage to all things not me.

And yes he like ManU. And there’s a match today. So, we wont speak.
And yes he likes Ronaldo, he likes Ronaldo’s history, Ronaldo’s religion, Ronaldo’s arts, Ronaldo’s astrology, Ronaldo’s cats, Ronaldo’s mysticism, Ronaldo’s philosophy, Ronaldo’s literature, Ronaldo’s family, Ronaldo’s freedom.
And of course, he likes the city called Manchester, the countries called Portugal and England, the colour red, the ball called football and the continent called Europe.

And now imagine a boyfriend who’s in ur course, ur college, ur class, ur batch, ur unit, ur state and doing everything that you like doing….
And then tell me wat wud you want him to do to show that he loves you…..
How wud you know if he misses you?
Will he know wat it is to miss you?
Will you know wat it is to miss him?
Will you know wat it is to be without him?
Will you know that it is he whom you really want or someone else?
Will you trust him to go away somewhere alone?
Will you know that if you go ‘out of sight’, wud you be ‘out of mind’ or not?
Will you know if your relation can survive differences?
Will you know you can be with him even went there is nothing to talk about?
Will you know how to share your man, which you will be forced to at some point of time or the other?
Will you understand if, one fine morning, he develops a passion for a Portugese man living in England?
Will you ever….. ever …ever know how it feels to look at him after one whole year?
Will you know how it feels to say good bye at airports ?
Will you know how it feels to save money for phone calls?
Will you know how it feels not to know any common friend and yet know them all?
Will you know wat is insecurity?
Will you know how to overcome insecurity?
Will you know if you relation can survive insecurity?
Will you know how to carry the scent of his cologne until the next time you meet him?
Will you know if he’d forget you if you were gone for a month?
Will you know how to capture the moment of his waving to you at the railway station…. and holding that moment in your heart.. in your mind…as a living scene in you eyes until you can live that moment again?
Will you hold on to the pens, news papers, toffee wrappers, mineral water bottles that he touched just coz you cant have his touch?
Will you know if he loves you for what you are…. Whatever?
Will you know if you love him for what he is… whatever ?

I seriously think that ur boyfriend (lets keep it to boyfriends coz’ talking bout husbands is kind of beyond my capacity) shud be someone who complements you and not really LIKE you. Ya, we may feel the need for some similarity in life… but trust me the need for variety is way greater than the need for similarity….

"Bachpan ki mohabbat ko
dil se na juda karna
Jab yaad meri aaye
milne ki dua karna"

Allah hafiz

Wednesday, 27 May 2009



Someone from Lahore, Punjab, Pakistan wants to study. But, he/she (let’s take a ‘he’ for convenience) isn’t very happy with the educational standards in Pakistan. And, like many many people in our countries,he too feels that studying in any country other than our own is gr8. So, he doesn’t apply to many colleges within Pakistan, and the colleges to which he does apply, reject him (uhm uhm!). now, if I had met this person somewhere, I wud have definitely tried to help him… you know I have cousins in Pak, not in Lahore… but, still.. I think if I asked them to, they wud have definitely found out info bout some really good and affordable colleges in Lahore… Lahore is a big city… if you cant find colleges in Lahore… trust me , your visual acuity is so diminished that you newaz wudn be able to read the print in the text books, so, why even bother looking for colleges?
Well, so he doesn’t want to study in Pak… and then from somewhere he hears about a country…. A country where the educational standards are very high… the standard of living is very high…. A country incomparable…and he thinks… ‘Hey, why not study there?’
And so, somewhere between 17:15 to 17:30 of PST (or whatever it’s called), he turns on his computer, goes to the Gr8 Google Search Engine to search for something that brought him to my blog and his visit to my blog is the inspiration behind this post. He searched for


Allah hafiz

Me .......... cant think of a better title!

I had a long conversation with mummy. Started at 18:02 and ended at 18:59.
We spoke bout many things… started with mummy being ill today, moving on to aapa’s problems at her home, to the results of her interview for manager’s post not being out yet, to men and wat jerks they are, to God who is responsible for all the other things that we spoke of and who also tells that He does everything and then He says we get wat we earn… alrite!
Sab kuchh saf saaf nazar aa raha hai! And I understand eeeevvveeerrryyything.
Btw… this is goin to be one long post..ok.. so plz don’t try reading this… and ya this post is goin to be written in parts… im filhaal waiting for Isha’s azaan… it’s almost time. I’ll write for 5 minutes, then pray (I cant hear the azaan most of the times though the mosque is just across the street.. don ask me why.. not that you will ask.. not that you care… not that I care if you care… newaz).
And im goin to do the ‘no comments please’ for most of my posts from now on… coz as things tell me, I mite only be talking to God and to myself from now on… inshaAllah im entering final year in 2 months.. whether or not I pass my IIIrd MB part I… IIIrd MB part II starts soon after the practicals… so newaz…… wen I started this blog there wasn’t anyone reading me… now too I don’t have many readers, but well.. there ARE readers… even if it’s one…and I fear that reader MITE comment… comment on things and in ways that I don’t want.. like I don’t want people discouraging me….

You see I am a Sagittarian.. we are not people who work hard… the moment we see something not going rite, we change ways…. You don’t need to advise me THAT… I know that better than you… like a few days bak I commented on indscribes’s Indian Muslim blog and I got a very discouraging reply.. see it CLICKING HERE
And I don’t want people pacifying me… ….i don’t question their sincerity.. … but.. I just don’t like being given solutions.. coz then I feel I am such a loser.. lukin at totally no ones for support… coz well I wasn’t lukin for support.. I was just writing… just saying.. I wasn’t waiting for someone to come and give me solutions…coz well this someone doesn’t know me… and I don’t know if this someone is commenting only coz I commented on his/her blog… which I find even more awkward… coz I generally comment on blogs dat I totally love… otherwise I don’t.. and I know that it’s not AT ALL necessary for that person to like me or my blog…newaz..
And like I told im a Sagittarian.. you don’t need to buoy me up…we do that on our own, Alhamdulillah!...:D
Btw.. ive never told this but, I have a Cancer ascendant… I hate this zodiac… I find them such losers… not that I have met many…my bro-in-law is one… and he considers me his biggest enemy on this planet under the guise of protection or maybe he protects under the guise of enmity .. cant say…
And then there is this another strange loser.. who can talk of nothing but his problems… I mean.. yaar! I have bigger problems than you do..!!!! and you know it!!! then why???? Whatevs.. I don like cancerians.. they suck!
But wel I have a Cancer ascendant… and I guess that’s why I LOVE my family (Sagittarians generally don’t LOVE.. they just love.. or maybe they just luv… u cud even say they lv..)..well.. it’s been more than five minutes.. am goin ..
Allah hafiz
The post was written on the night before the ‘Singh is King’ post…..
To be continued later… I mean laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr……
Abhi charge nahi hai lappy mein aur current bhi nahi hai. :(

Till then read bout Sagis .......SAGITTARIUS by LINDA GOODMAN
Allah hafiz.

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

UnA Noche . . . Ka Ching . . ;).

I had my SPM end posting today. alhamdulillah went well. . . Though i messed up an 'odds ratio' question.
well. . . So now am lying on my mattress (thrown across the floor. . . Not on the bed) eating chocolates (safari and vip) and listening to some songs that have been totally haunting me for the past few days. . . .
i downloaded the songs and now they are in my cel . . . And as much as i try not to do it . . . I keep on doing it again and again. . .
thats why. . . I have heard sooo many people say that music is the hardest thing to give up. . .
so much so that, i am thinking of totally forgettin bout it :( . . . I cant . . . I simply cant.
and trust me , it calms me down. . Relaxes me, makes me forget the 'pain' and just get over things. . . Some songs are so especially beautiful. . .
well. . . . . May be im being a loser. . . But i cant. . .
I am listening to

"Give me just one night" by 98 degrees

"You sang to me" by Marc Anthony

"Could I have this kiss forever" by Enrique

"Ka Ching" by Shania Twain. . .

cant you hear it ring
it makes you wanna sing
its such a beautiful thing
ka ching

lots of diamond rings
the happiness it brings
you'll live like a king
with lots of money and things . . .

well. . . . Thats all for now. . . .
Allah hafiz

Sunday, 24 May 2009

Its Raining In Kerala, And Its Raining At Hoooome!

Its MONSOON time :) :)
Its raining in Kerala . . . . And its raining at hoooome . . . . .
Abbu mummy are feeling coooold . . . . And Almas is feeling coooold . . . .
They are having garam garam chai. . . And Kiran is having the luke warm brown fluid in the hostel. . . They sleep under blankets . . . And Almas is sleeping on the cold floooor . . . .
The wooden home is leaking . . . And the cemented hostel is damp . . .
They both are together and Almas is aloooone . .
They can cuddle up with the cat. . . Kiran only has the lambu takiya. . .
They dont have to study. .
And Almas has to study loads . . . .
Monsoon is beautiful in both the places . .
Kerala is not hoooooome. . .
I miss home when its hot. . .
When it rains, i miss home all the mooooore. . .
I miss mummy, I miss abbu. . I miss you all. . ,
Im so aloooone . . . .

P.S- Almas and Kiran and I are one and the same person
P.S.2- A crazy bus driver asked me if i am from Palakkad. . . noooooooooooo, I am not from Palakkad . . . . I am from hooooooooome. . . And if there is any place in Kerala I belong to, its Alleppey, Alleppey Alleppey Alleppey. . . .
Palakkad? ? ? Never . . . Nooooooo !



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