Friday, 8 May 2009

Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah
Long time huh? :) so, howz u doin? Well obviously u r doin fine. And hey that reminds me that no one ever asks u that nai? tell me how does it feel never to be asked ‘how r u’ ?....... how does it feel to be all-powerful? Newaz… u know y im writing to u. Have been feeling low. Cant find out wat started this… but well, it isn’t strange to feel lonely wen u ARE actually lonely. I know I wanted to be in the first half so that I don’t miss the prayers, thank you. But, well… you know how it works… besides, the sadder thing is that even if I was in the second half, things wudn be all that grt. You know it well! Either you made me very strange, or You made the world very strange. Whatevs.
U know it hurts me to see people laughing and joking and me not being a part of it. I know, I know… You have thought something for me… that thing I read in Giant’s Bread … aint I wonderful? :) I always remember the quotable quotes. Or does that make me strange? Tell me how many people have you made who have a quote for every situation in their lives? Get me acquainted with one. I’d be most greatful. Im sure he too must be a struggling person.
I wonder y do I struggle so much?
See, you have promised that every soul gets every good that it earns and suffers every ill that it earns. Plz remember the goods of my soul.
Or is it all that Allah ki marzi ka khel. Well, sach poochho to I KNOW ki it’s all ur marzi ka khel. But, ab wat to do… You made me tis way.
Why don’t you answer my questions? I believe that you are making us do each thing that we r doing. You make us believe each thing that we Believe. You say ki if u wanted u wud have made everyone believers, but you didn’t coz u wanted to test us… then what with the parinda numa souls being created out of Adam A.S ‘s back? What with Your dividing them into a right and left half? What with Your Decreeing one half to belong to Heaven and the other to Hell…. Before You even sent Adam to Earth? Tell me , is it wrong that I think? And wat bout that Hadees of that Companion of the Prophet ending up in hell…
You have written it all already. Then why God? ………….. chumma! Isn’t it?
Theek hai.. karte raho jo karna hai… aisa to nai na ki mere bolne se You will stop or change things.
To khush raho.
Why cant You come down here to me? Aapko maalum hai na ki im alone. Ha, if there’s a child, an orphan, go to him before coming to me. Coz’ thank you, you’ve given me a lot to be thankful for.
Don’t forsake me Maalik. Plz.
I was crying such a lot yesterday. You know how many times I have asked you to be with me. I wish I cud touch you, lay my head on ur lap and cry. It feels bad that one day I will end….. it feels bad to know that the one entity whom I consider the Ultimate wud end me. Will you keep us in this Heaven even wen you make the new world? Or will you just finish us off? zapppppp… and we r gone? And then will you get so lost in that new world game of urs that u’ll forget us altogether? Of all the ways we entertained you all these years? Or days according to ur calendar, I think.?
Will you miss me Maalik, wen I no longer exist? How will be that new world that you’d create, I fyou’d create? Will those fools have names like we do? Wow! im jealous already … so, will they have names like ours? If yes, can you plz name someone Almas Shamim? And give her a mummy named Rehana and an abbu named Shamim and a sister named Shaima, and can you plz give her lots of cats… and plz God, don’t make her lonely.
Now thinking of it, if you already know everything, is it fun? I mean you know the plot of the movie… coz you have made it… so now if u sit wid popcorn and cola and watch this movie, wud it still be as fun as it wud be if you didn’t know wat was to happen?
Now, if im goin to a dweller of the heaven, and I pray, you make me one…. So if im goin to be in heaven,,,, and If I shall meet you… will you speak to me? Will you answer my questions? Will you let me cry on ur lap? R u really so beautiful?
I feel so left out here God.
I wish.. sorry I don’t wish….im scared my wishes mite go wrong. Plz make me wish whatever it is dat u wish for me. Coz’ then nothing can go wrong.
Ya, so wat was I saying?
Ha… socho, if I was In a hindi speaking place.. I’d have had so many friends…or maybe not.
That mukta told me I have shani for the next 7 years. And since 2002-03. thanks for being so wonderful to me God :) even in shani.
Lolz… luv u.. and sorry for the horoscope….
Well… so im a detached person? I have cum to realize I AM.
Be with me God. Coz’ see… no one else possibly can.
So plz be with me. Don’t forsake me. And if possible, I mean of course it’s possible for u, plz come visit me. And not that kinds ki ek bhikhari aaya tha… etc etc… meet me the normal way, or I shud say the abnormal way.. You as God, me as me.
Plz.
Give me courage to face al that you want me to face.
Give me the strength to be what You had planned to make me.
Don’t forsake me, my beautiful God. Be with me.
That thing Tagore told bout you, it’s true in a sad way. But, my God… I don’t have anyone but you. So, be with me
And guide me… if I ever go wrong, don’t forsake, show me the right way. Help me to act how You want me to. Hum aapke saamne nahi rona to kiske saamne? I know you are the only one always there…
Baaki log chale jate hai.
So Maalik be with me. I love you.
Don’t forsake me. I am Yours.
And I love you.


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