Monday, 1 June 2009

Of Discouragement and Hope...

Here is the comment that I had mentioned in a previous post… I had pasted the link to it….
Here im pasting the whole comment….

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Long Long time back I commented on this forum that India needs a Lenin. Maoists will do their ideology will do but not their methods. It makes me wonder @ times if the Maoists really want to uproot the evil why not assassinate the politicians instead of the Policemen.

Jalpari ur ideas are gud but truth be said u need somewhat more realistic. I suggest introducing deliberate disengagements in rural and city economy. Their inter dependency has taken away the self sufficiency aspect from the rural economy. As far as health care is concerned then i still believe its way way cheaper in India than in other countries.

But if u honestly introspect u know nothing concrete shall ever happen. The system is flawed the citizens are guilty and such is the ever expanding enormity of the problem that the system needs a complete shutdown in order to repair it. Redistribution of wealth, an idealistic Lenin anticipated society. But India is going through a transition it will not slow down, shut down is completely out of question. At the end of the day most of us will look @ ourselves with guilt ridden faces, questioning our commitment to the cause of Humanity and then will walk away saying 'Is duniya mei jisne aphsos kiya uspe aphsos karne ko koi na mila'

I truly appreciate your concern dear friend but you shall not be able to change anything not a hundred like you nor a thousand. you will contribute with all ur energy but @ the end of the day what you shall achieve is a white spot in this black universe. nothing else :( :(

13 May, 2009 14:24

This comment is haunting me.. literally HAUNTING…..
I haven’t replied to it yet…. Firstly coz I read it wile on my mobile (and as always cudn post the comment), secondly coz I wanted to write such a lot of things that it wud take a long long time to write (oh…….. :D … I repeated an adjective…..kitna waqt ho gaya tha since I last repeated adjectives !) and I didn’t have the time to. Thirdly, coz it was by an Anon. And above all, coz twas so ‘discouraging’. Like I told in a previous post…. No one needs to actually discourage me… I change my course pretty well and smooth… and if I don’t want to change my course… you do wat you may, inshaAllah I wont and I don’t. Besides, I hate blaming the world for something going wrong in ur life. I blame it upon God. I hate saying that I shud be loved by someone wen I am myself not true in my love to him. I hate complaining wen I cant praise. And so I hate people who think and act in any of the ways I just mentioned. I, 9 times out of 10, block them from my life.
I don’t think bout them. I lock them up in a dungeon full of ghosts and throw the key away into a black hole.
If I aint compatible wid you… I aint keeping u in my life…
If you hurt me… your chapter is closed.
I don’t need ‘pull-downers’ in my life… I can pull myself down pretty well.Thanks!

But, it’s most amazing that an Anon comment that was so ….ummmm… kind of annihilating….i mean… something that kills the hope for goodness…….
…such a comment cud make so much room for itseld in my mind…
This comment keeps popping into my head every now and then… in a ‘Dekhaaa bola tha na!!!!’ kind of way….
No… I aint changing my beliefs or myself even remotely coz someone somewhere in the world is awaiting a Lenin…. But, I’m still amazed that a very normal comment cud hit so hard at me. Considering I have been showered with such a lot of love in so many comments .. huh!!!

Day before yesterday, at the college canteen, the chettan who serves us told me something very strange… well not really strange.. but, khair!
I have been in this college for such a long time now… I’m presently writing my Pre-final Year exams… and I have been eating at this canteen all these years.. the same chettan has been serving me ‘chaya’ and ‘kaapi’ all these years…. And I have been saying him ‘thanks’ all these years , each time he serves me something….
He brings me the chapatti-kadla, I say thanks
Then he goes round serving others
Then he brings me the chaya. I say him thanks
Then he goes round serving others
Then he brings me my parcel, I say him thanks…
But that day… wen I told him thanks… he laughed at me and told ki “wats the point in saying ‘thanks’… you are paying for it alle?”
And the people who heard him started laughing… well….
It was then that this comment again showed its ugly head.
in any case...i went to the canteen aaj fir.. the same chettan came and served me the chaya and i said, 'thanks'...
life goes on for him...
life goes on for me...

I don know if there’s much of a link between the two or it’s simply me and my tanhaai ka effect…but.. I believe this comment speaks of a very sad truth. That… anything positive doesn’t really matter much in today’s world…
Whatever you do will go a waste if the others are not there to recognize it as good.

This part of it is sp true… but, wat I don understand is how not to believe in a greater good? How not to feel that there’s something more meaningful than the superficiality we see around us? How to keep blaming someone else, a mortal, for all the wrong that’s ever happened to me? How to keep expecting for someone else to come in and solve all my problems for me?
Im sorry! I cant do it.
i cant stop being myself, I cant stop believing, I cant stop trusting, I cant stop hoping…….
Yes, there are problems in the world.
Yes, these problems may never end….
But, shud I let this ‘end’ stop me from doin something that I believe is rite?
For all I can think… I wud rather remind myself that ‘yaar… newaz it’s all goin to why bother hating?’ in stead of telling myself that since there’s not much hope in the first place, you rather stop hoping.

I cant let my hopes, my feelings, my actions be dependent on someone else….
I cant wait for a lenin to come and set things straight…
If I need something to be done…. I shud be pessimistic enuf to know that no one will do it… and then I shud be optimistic enuf to know that even a small part contributed by me does make a difference.
I need to keep going.. even if it’s only to meet the ‘end’… I cant be stagnant.
That’s the not the way it works…

Going by that concept, I shud stop studying, stop eating, stop doing everything that I do… coz’ wat I deserve will come to me… isn’t it? coz’ newaz im goin to die… coz newaz the world will end…

But am I doin it? no, I continue to study.. continue to eat and go about my life as usual…knowing it well enuf that all this is of no use… coz I guess, that’s how God wanted it to be….we r not meant to be stagnant…
We need to keep moving …
Moving without expecting that someone will help us to move….
Coz well… this someone is also just a plaything for God, like I am.
We need to keep doing our part… however small it is… without expecting returns from the people…coz the moment we start feeling that we shud get this in return for our actions, we end up being screwed…people are not always as we want them to be….
But we shud also realize that there are certain basic things in life.. of ‘returns’…these are certain fundamental gifts of life… which are served unto you as long as you live by the fundamental duties to life….
So we shud keep doing our duty.. our share …our part….
And then let it go…. However difficult it is…
For undoubtedly, if u r good, good will come to you…
In ways and means beyond the understandin capacity of a mortal mind.
And if you don’t want to contribute… gr8…don’t…
But, then it’s silly to think that there wud be anyone to come and lift you out of the mess….
Who kehte hai na..
‘be the change you want to see’
.. waise hi…
Be the Lenin you await for….

And if you cant be Lenin… don’t discourage me from being me.

Btw… I had a beautiful day Alhamdulillah..
Paper didn’t go well… drop that!
Amuda thanked me for being the ‘reason’ why she’s happy now-a-days… :)
Spoke to Mohsin after a very long time… I totally love Mohsin! He is such a wonderful person… so not like me… and yet… he’s so nice…I can go on talking to him.. on and on and on…
Anisa has taken a new sim… I think her messages are free…she sent me a few messages… :) she never does…
Spoke to mummy bout a very thing that happened at home today… funny and sad .. let’s stik to funny…
Someone sat near me…. Someone who makes my heart skip a beat each time my eyes fall upon him… :)
My day is made!

P.S- if I ever reply to this comment.. im goin to post the reply here…not now, newaz..

Allah hafiz.


Shy said...

i to a certain extent believe what mr. ANON had said..
i think u know that i had a major showdown with a guy in the bank(i think mummy told u that)it was so worst that he was so close to me that we were almost touching each other..when i told him 'don't touch me' he shouted back'are jao re'...
i cannot forget that incident as i have never fought with anyone like that.
u know what happened next...
the next day my very GOOD friend kavita went with him to have lunch9 to be in his good books). my boss did not speak to me for atleast 10 days.
everybody knew i was right ,he is the one who fights with everybody,he is the one who is having a illegitimate relatin with another woman,he is the one who is known for his gossip thingie, his backstabbing behavior.
i was shattered after this incident not because particularly about the incident but about the reactions of my so called frens..(well got a true picture of them)

u see tanki, it is difficult to become good, difficult to support good, difficult to be with good wen everybody is bad(or want to be with bad coz it is so easy )

it is very easy to become bad.
what i really liked about his comment(i thought only bout the perspective of my bank not the world )is that u need a complete shutdown of the system...i really believe that coz only me out of the 20 thinking that bank will become good will not do any help.

there are people who want to be with good but are afraid (unlike u) so chalo 'lets be pally with bad'

believe me i don't have a single friend ( and u were thinking u don't have) but yes i hang on to all of them who backstab me, who spread gossip about me, who pray when will i have a downfall...WHY ...i am afraid i will be alone. i am not as strong as u to snap relationships when they pull u down...i still hang on to pinches, it hurts but i cannot help it...
i respect u'r comments but i agree with ANON.

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...

Yes aapa, like i told anon has a truth in his word, the truth of people not treating you the way you treat them.
and isnt that precisely why his comment affected me so bad.. . . Yes , it is a sad truth.
but, what i dont like is his telling me or anyone else for that matter, ki i cannot make a difference. . . Ki That little white spot i create in the black universe does not matter.
i think everyone shud appreciate every little attempt for betterment.
if you get time, just move down to the 'me, cant think of a better title' post and go the where he has commented, i have given the link there.
again like i told, its ok if you think that way. . Coz its your life and you can choose to be whatever, but, why then does he speak of 'india needs a lenin'? ? If nothing can happen, . . . . Nothing can happen. Over.
and if anyone can do anything, its you.

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...

And ya i know bout that incident. . . You yourself had told me is baari when i had come home.
i know it is sad, very sad, it hurts a lot.
and that is where Mr.God comes in. . . I believe that we shud set our lives on principles and not people. We shud define the principles we live by and then REALLY live for it. . . Irrespective of the people , the way they behave.
if we do 'this', God never leaves us in the lurch. Never. Its a rule of God. If only you believe.
You remember the comment you wrote bout your account being filled up with my deeds and i told ki nai aise nai hota. . .
truly aapa aise nai hota . . :)
what you contribute to this world comes back to you in someway or the other. May not be in the way and form you expect, but, it does.
this same man that you are talkin bout, dyu remember two things happened to him immediately afterwards? ?
i dont remember the first thing, the second was the father in law issue. . . You remember? ?
and shall i tell you something. . Each and every of those sucker bankers must have MUST HAVE thot of you when it happened. Coz every one knows the golden rule 'What goes around . . . Comes around'
and do i really need to tell you all that you have got? ? Count your blessings my gal. . . God is being a super banker ;)

if you need a little another example, remember a gal who joined college with me. . . And then went along with others in a life that was not something i wanted, i chose to live alone coz i couldn pray there,
aapa i chose to be absolutely alone.
look at the things now.
what happened to her?
she wanted a 'college life' . . . Well. . . She got one. . . And wat a life that is !
Allah forgive me, i aint being ugly. I am trying to tell you that 'principle' always pays. 'belief' always pays.
being in this hostel. . . Living all alone coz i didnt have a 'prayer' place there. . . Has given me a loneliness so huge. . .
amusing coz every single girl in that other hostel is lonely. . :)
that is exactly what i had told mummy, if i go there i will be lonely anyways, plus, i would have compromised on my principles.
those gals there, have compromised on many of their own principles and well. . . They are lonely alrite.... Not all, of course. But all linked to me .

and bout what I got in return? :) :)
you want me to count MY blessings now? ? ?
:) :) :) you know better, and if you really feel God hasn given me anything. . . Well, aapa just call up mummy and ask her my take on this.

and bout not being able to snap relations. I think thats pretty ok.
in my unit, there is a boy with whom i dont have even a 'yes' 'no' relation. Its tough. . . Very tough.
so, i think its ok if you hang on. Dont make your life too tough if you cant handle it. It will crash down upon you.

newaz. . . I cant live with suckers. The ONE reason for me gettin upset from time to time is ms. A . . And the reason is that she falls under my category of 'suckers'. . Yet, she is not totally out of my life. I aint able to do it. Coz in some ways i HAD fallen in love with her. Its difficult to break away from the people you have ever loved.
but, on the whole, i cant do it. I cant live with people i dislike. I cant live with people who are superficial.
i choose to be happy alone than sad in a crowd.
and this can be different for different people,
some totally need a crowd to live. Well. . . :) i too needed. Thank God for Alleppey, i dont, anymore. :)

so. . . Well. . .
really long. :)
love you.
tatas and advanced-kisses-that-can-penetrate-all-shields


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