Monday, 20 July 2009

Dearest Allah

Allah Paak
Are you angry? I am sorry/// dekho plz.. gussa mat raho humse.
I fought wid u only coz I was really angry… I know I missed a big chance.. I know I did it knowingly. I know I let shaitaan win. But, God I was so sad and so angry. Who knows it better than you? You have been screwing me so bad… I am just so totally fed up… you see how I reacted abhi abhi.. kuchh nahi hua tha lekin I thot ki mera lens kho gaya.. and I blamed u again… yaar that’s coz aap kar bhi to rahe hai na mere sath aisa aisa tamasha…. Luk I am sorry.. but if am becoming so cynical… its only coz of u.. Allah Paak aapko maloom hai ki I never complain… I always luk at the brighter side…I always cry and then wipe my own tears and tell myself ki are Allah Paak kuchh na kuchh achha soch ke kare honge… I say the same thing to anyone and everyone I meet. Fir mere sath hi kyu Allah Paak???? Its like ki aapko mazaa aata hai giving me pain then hearing me praise you even though I am crying… you like seeing me grasp for happiness ,, you enjoy seeing me struggle to be grateful….
Allah Paak.. jab sab kuchh theek rehta hai.. to sab kuchh theek rehta hai.. but jab things go wrong.. we tend to ‘count our blessings’ .. we tend to remind ourselves ki dekho Allah Paak ne yeh diya hai who diya hai… aisa hota to bura hota… isliye Allah Paak aisa nai karke waisa kare…
Don’t you think I’m doing it every second of my life???????????????????
I am fiting for you God…. Fiting wid myself…. Wen I feel like blaming the whole world for whatever is happening… wen I feel like being just another complain box that u find everywhere…. I remind myself of ur gr8ness… remind myself of the 99 parts of love that u have… remind myself that Allah has given me everything that I need…remind myself ki jo ho raha hai achha ho raha hai….and I kill sadness.. I kill a feeling that is so natural…
I really strive to be happy…. Until it becomes natural… then again you mess it up for me… and then.. repeat telecast…. I climb out of the pit.. I read happy things… I avoid sad people… I do whatever I can.. and well….. I am happy again… and again you mess it up…
Im so fed up of it God!
Isliye I fought…. Kyuki … for once.. I wanted to be difficult on you… not difficult on myself…
Im increasingly becoming a very cruel task master for myself…… I am tired Allah Paak… really… sachi mein…
I am sorry…
I wont let you down…
I just needed to fite wid you….
I had to find a release..
I am sorry…
I know I did a wrong thing… I didn’t pray such an important prayer… lekin… aapko samajh me aa raha hai na…
Im fed up of ur ‘trials’…. Im fed up of thanking you for all the non-sense you are doing to me… im fed up of always having to lose something.. each time you give me something…
i know im being ‘UGLY’… but Allah Paak.. I’m sad…
aapko pata hai ki insaan hona kya hota hai??????
99 parts pyaar ka hai…
Waise hi 99 parts of ego.. of selfishness ….of ghamand…. Of khudgarzi….
Sab kuchh hai aap me…
Im sorry… don’t mind.. lekin hai..
Ab aap job hi bolo…
Khair… Khuda se kaun kitne der ladega,, who bolte hai na ki a painting doesn’t fite wid its painter.. something like dat..
To theek hai…
I wil continue my thing..
Aap mere ko takleef dete jao… hum thank u bolte jaenge…
Hum dua karenge ki Allah Paak agar aap mere ko yeh denge to hum 2 rakaat shukrana ada karenge… Aap mat do mere ko who cheez… hum as usual… wuzu banake.. shukrana adaa karenge…
happy ho na aap???
Bas.. aur kya chahiye???
Kyu aap hi to ho bas..
Allah hai bas.. aur baaki hawas…
Hai na?
To ok…
Mera hona na hona… koi mayine to rakhta nai??? Hai na???
Aur kaun sa mere ko rehna ‘for eternity’?.. woh to aapko rehna hai bhai...
To Eternal Happiness ke liye to chhota mota happiness ko gavana hi chaiye.. nai??
Common sense ka baat hai ye to… aap bhi soch rahe honge .. kya bewakuf ladki hai…
To theek hai… my happiness in the Eternal happiness…
Aap matlab itne gr8 ho ki if I ask u ki Allah Paak… make me wish for that which im bout to get… taaki.. it’ll give me a feeling ki haa.. jo manga who mila…
Lekin no who nahi karte aap..
Then I ask ki Allah Paak.. don’t make me wish for anything.. yeh to aap Qayamat tak kabhi na kare..
Then i ask ki Allah Paak give me courage, give me patience... naiiiiiiii yeh bhi nai…
I know Allah Paak… you’ve given me everything I need… ek kapda kharab hona bohot chhota baat hai..in fact, all my dukhs are so small ki …I feel ashamed even to say ki it has made me dukhi…
But the problem yesterday was ki I had bottled myself up for way too long….
I am sorry for yesterday God….very sorry…
And thank you….\
For making me ur favourite…
For teaching me so many things…
For letting me grow…
For answering my prayers..
For not answering my prayers…and then giving me the best….
I am sorry for being rude and such an idiot…
I can never stop loving you…
I can never stop ‘counting blessings’…. It is inbuilt in me…
You made me that way.. cant help it…
But you see God… you made me human.. not an angel… and so am bound to get angry… bound to react rather than respond…. 9 times out of 10 I am a gud gal to u.. bolo hai ki nai?... to who 1 time out of 10 jab I want to shout at u… plz don mind…
Aapke paas nahi aaye.. to kaha jaaye?
And plz stop making me a tamasha... Allah Paak… I know u love me… so keep reminding me that u love me… don’t let me forget it… EVER..
Love you tooooooo Khudaya….\\\
And ya thanks for the lens ketto?.. sorry aap pe shak kiya..
Tatas :)



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