Saturday, 19 September 2009

Eid tomorrow??????????

Assalam
Everyone’s having their iftaar… I wasn’t fasting today… I lost 4 rozas this time :) … they say Eid’s goin to be tomorrow most probably… coz yesterday was amavasya…pata nahi.. will have to wait for that… we’ll know in some time inshaAllah.. I just hope we celebrate Eid together, I mean Kerala and Andamans…
Newaz.. so, if it’s Eid tomorrow, I have 4 to rozas to make up… and if it’s not, I shall have 5 rozas… hmmm. Anisa, luckily didn’t lose any roza this year :) I know it feels really gr8… I had got 30 rozas in my second year…. I was having grossly abnormal cycles in those days. In any case, I was happy to get a 30 :)
Well, what else?
I aint goin to Anisa’s home this time. I just don’t feel like it.
You know am so totally down today.
It’s Eid tomorrow (99%) and here I am feeling so terribly low.
I have been fasting the whole of the past one month (minus the ‘days’ wen I ‘hormonally’ cant) … Eid is a gift Allah is specially giving me…
I’m so …. NOT excited.
Mmmmmmmmm actually I told a lie ….. and so am very upset. I mean I generally avoid lies… not hamesha se… but well.. I don’t like liars.. I don’t like ppl who lie to me.. and its haraam. So I’ve been trying… then I lied… in the Holy Month… towards the end…
I cudn pray well yesterday….
It happens to me, yknow…. Wen I do something so so so wrong, I find it difficult to pray… its a ‘GOD-I-cant-face-You’ kind of feeling.
I remember wen I didn’t wear the maftha….and wen I had already realized that I SHUD be wearing the hijab… I went thru a phase of ‘avoidin’ the Qur’an…. I used to hate myself…
Newaz…
Am feeling very bad today.

I want to write a lot of things.
Maybe later.
Allah hafiz.


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