Wednesday, 7 October 2009


Only moments ago I had such a lot of things in my mind …. I had thot o f writing this and that ands that and this.. but now .. I don’t think I’ll write any of it.. there’s just no point. At the end of the day, its between God and me. I am not sure wat to do. I think I’ll go away.. but then the problem is that after a few days I mite again wish to come bak and there’d be no way… so, prolly, I wudn completely erase it. I don’t know… I never know. will just let things happen the way they are happening. Planning never works wid me…
I don know wat to write.. I don know if I shud write anything at all. Why shud I actually? For wat? For whom?
I want to go away from ur life totally. Not that I am there. Not that u care. But twud feel gud to know that u wudn know anything bout me, if u were ever to try…. I don want u to know anything, weder am breathing or not .. weder am happy or sad.. anything.. I don want u to know anything…. I want to totally disappear… I had written in an earlier post that I wil write bout you and me .. things I did.. I donno if I still want to write that or not…
No obligations upon me… will write if I feel like.. not if I don’t…
Filhaal I don’t…
I know that u can come to my blog any moment and update urself wid things… and that is y I think I’ll be spending more time in my new blog and not in Jalpari. But I don know if that’s rite. The last thing I want ot do is to let someone decide things in my life…I don want to make u the reason behind any of my decisions… I don’t want to do anything that I wudn have done had it not been for u… but, then, it’s kind of silly sayin that… considering that my entire life.. well, a huge part of it, has been shaped based upon u. it’s silly to say that I don’t want to yield wen I have already yielded… so im not really sure… weder to write here or to write there….
Its again that strange thing in me- I wont do it just coz of this person…. Its silly actally you know.. given that whatever we always… well .. almost always for someone else…I mean.. im in such a terrible mood… my eyes were swollen like potatoes last nite ….and yet I presented the seminar… why? For someone else. Nai? To say that ‘I wont do this just coz this means im yieldin to you…. And I wont let that happen’ is so stupid… making this an excuse to allow sadness into ur life… I mean .. isn’t this sadism ??? isn’t the ultimate aim in my life to be happy…. Y then am I bothered? once in a while I can leave my principles.. especially coz I have imposed these principles upon myself…..not someone else.
So prolly .. I wont let u know things… prolly I will write in m new blog…
Long ago u had told me ki Almas, main tumhare bare mein hamesha khabar rakhunga..

Lolz… I just got a message form Airtel- Cadbury ka ad.. is diwali aap kise khush karenge????? Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! ALMAS .. is diwali mere ko sirf ALMAS ko khush karna hai….

Abhi I went down, got the chood vellam, and there is motta for dinner… and I love Tamil songs… they have the best shot videos….

Haan so long ago u told ki u’d always know bout me thru someone or the other… know wat Azhar? I know u wont…..

I wish I too had the strength not to..

And pata hai, .. abhi wen I was downstairs, I was thinking ki shayad aaj se paanch-das saal baad, I wil thank u for today…
Yesterday, we had a clas in Neerkunam MCH… twas 3.40 by the time the class got over… while we were returning, I saw Muhsin enter the mosque for Asar…. 4 baje college bus hota hai na…
I felt so good Azhar.
I really think ki shayad one day I will thank you for today……

Know wat Azhar? Im a very difficult person for myself… I kind of hate myself for that… I screw myself…

Ek tareeke se achha hai, lekin its a tuf life….
I shud really stop reading the quotations wotations….
It adds on to my madness…
****** had told me something wen we were in 11th standard.. ki koi bhi relationship agar burden banne lage toh usko jaane dena chahiye.. yaar we were only 15-16 us waqt… lekin she had told kitna bada baat…. i was such a fool… I don’t mean ki there are regrets coz u know.. everything in life is a lesson… if only we care to learn… and every single moment in our life helps us to grow…isliye.. I know ki jo bhi hua usko hona hi tha.. tabhi I am wat I am.. and wel am gr8 :) …
Par fir bhi… it’s a wow ki she knew at 16… that which I tuk another 5-6 years to learn… lekin fir bhi.. I think wat I did was better coz u know I gave it my best…. In fact, I gave it my 100%..... and that is precisely y I am finding it so difficult to come to terms wid it.

Again, aaj se das saal baad, I wont feel ki I was lackin…. I thnk I shud remove her name…
I’ll know ki I did everything.. lekin Azhar I know I will thank u for today…
Today I was weak,,,,, u gave me the strength….

:) How can I forget? U r a fucker Taurean!!!!!!!!!! :p thanks for the strength of the bull… :p
The Archer was aiming at the wrong star…………………..

Another reason for my crashing is the absence of College from my life… I hadn known ki final year will be so screwingly isolated…. We belong to the hospitals now…. There is hardly anything called ‘College’….
Shuttling between Alpy MCH and Neerkunnam MCH.. there is no longer the support of Haasil, and I am crashing down again.. I wil have to find something else…….. ya toh maybe I shudn… newaz………

Nazrein kaha soti hai
Neende dhuan hoti hai
Nazrein kaha soti hai
Neende dhuan hoti hai
Jab din ye dhale
Palko ke tale
Koi saansein le o jaana
Khamosh rahe kabhi chupke se
Koi baat kare o jaana
Ishq ka hai kaam purana
Chain banke chain churana
Ishq ka hai kaam purana
Chain banke chain churana

Therez such a lot that I can do…………………………………….. I shud do it.

In any case, Azhar…. Im starting the detox………. :) and I wish myself gud luck… I wil try my best to go as far away as possible………

:D :D :D my Orkut Fortune today:
Today's fortune: Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending

And well.. now I am again thinking…. Shud I really change things for u???????? hmmmmmm
Yes, I shud! If it sets me free from u, I shud!

Allah hafiz.

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