Thursday, 31 December 2009

I dont know..

I am feeling so strange rite now.
Actually, I don’t have words to tell wat am feeling… it’s just a ….mmm… STRANGE feeling.
I do not understand why is it that people are not able to understand wat am saying. I have been goin around telling people that I like a boy… and ther’s no one to believe me.. probably coz they cant digest the fact that hAzhar and I have split. I don’t know.
Actually, I don’t know anything. I got really upset in the evening while talking to mummy… we were talking bout him, coz that’s my favourite topic nowadays. Now, I, myself don’t know what is it that I keep talking bout him.. there’s nothing to talk.. nothing at all..yet I cant seem to end my ‘talks’ bout him………so, among other things, mummy told me that ‘who knows you’ll get someone JUSST like him’. She had told this once earlier too….and I hadn’t liked it…but I hadn’t told her anything.. today wen she told me the same thing, I kind of got pissed off. though, if you ask me wat the big deal was bout.. I don think I’d have much of an answer to give.. all I can say is that, it really sounded very bad…….
I don’t know why……
It’s just that I never look for replacements….. replacements hote hai but not the replacement of ppl.. there can only be replacement of roles.
I can maary someone… then mite divorce him.. and remarry. Both wud be my husbands…yeahh! But they wudn be the same individual….
Wen I started losing Azhar… I didn’t try to find a replacement for Azhar… neither in loks, nor incharacter…. Yes, I do like someone today.. but he’s not by any means similar to Azhar…
And likewise, I wud never look for a replacement for him.
I feel very strange bout the way I reacted to mummy…. I am myself not able to understand wat it was that set me off so badly…
I do not know a thing about him… not a single thing.. I possibly cant ‘know’ him and then base my ‘like’ on that…. And if consider the way he looks, well, this is not the ‘looks’ that I like…
I do not know why I like him.
I do not know why my liking for him has been growing so steadily.
I do not know a thing.
And I do not know why I got so worked up wen mummy told something so mild.
I do not know.
I am goin to sleep for a while.
Close thine eyes and as thou sleepest, Heaven will change thy fortune from evil to good.
6.30 am
Woke up, praye, now will write in Unsaid coz I want ot write ‘dil kholke’ .No Replacements for my Jaan...
Allah hafiz.

1 comment:

Vibhore Gupta said...

dunno... it's lyk ppl break up and then fall in luv again and then break up... and the cycle repeats... bt i dont understand the working of this cycle... hw cn u break up with sum1 u luv and then again find sum1 u luv... ajeeb concept fr me... it's not abt replacements... sumtyms life makes us to move on... we can't control every circumstances tht originate arnd us... bt i think... memories live on.... u mite move on and u mite find sum1 else... bt ur feelings will be different... everything will change bt u will remain constant.... and tht is the most difficult part...

take care
acche se :)

Now reading ... "Adultery" by 'Paulo Coelho'.



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