Saturday, 6 February 2010

Dearest Allah...

Dearest Allah
Thank you so much for increasing me in knowledge. I was being misled by Shaitan. Thank you. And I love you more than I used to. :) and thank you for answering my prayer. I pray again Khudaya, please don’t ever forsake me. When I am wrong, correct me. Please do not forsake me.
Grant me the humility to accept my mistakes and the courage to admit to the world that I was wrong. Grant me the flexibility to change my thoughts, actions and beliefs if they are in the wrong and grant me the rigidity to remain steadfast in my beliefs if they are right.
Guide me in every step.
Be with me.
Whatever I think about you is what you, yourself make me think. So guide what I think. Tell me who you are, so that I may know.
Show me your miracles, so that I may know you are miraculous.
Show me your love, so that I may know you are loving.
And most of all, give me the vision, so that I may see what you show.
I cant help but cry Maalik, you are so beautiful.
Thank you.
I do not know exactly why you created me, why you created the world. They say it was to be worshipped. They say, it was coz you wanted to share your beauty. Maybe.
So, you created the world and it will end one day. And I went on complaining how the Hell and Heaven wud end… how meaningless it is. And I went on saying that to every person I met and it has been my belief for such a long time. And how easily you proved me wrong bout Hell and Heaven not being forever. :) and since I can be wrong in this, I can be wrong in my belief of all this being meaningless.
Allah Paak I have always believed in your commands. Always believed in your supremacy. Whether or not I have found a reason behind your commands. Whether or not I have understood your reasons. I know that you are God and you can do anything. Probably there are reasons that I, being so ‘un-advanced’, am not able to understand. Or probably there are no reasons, it’s just coz you are God….. just like you changed the direction of our sijdah, just like you haven’t revealed to us the meaning of Ta-Ha, Ya-Seen… you haven’t revealed to us so many things. I know I am no one to question the existence. Yet, it was hurting to think of the end, to know that I wud not exist. It feels much better now, to know that I will exist.
And now suddenly I feel ok even with the collapse of Hell and Heaven coz that wud mean the energy returning to where it came from and it all came from your Noor.
Yes, I still don’t understand why were you so selfish in creating this world… but, now, I cant do anything about it , can I ? the world is already created. Maybe if you had created me before everything else and had told me what you are planning to do, I wud have persuaded you into changing your mind. I wud have explained to you that it is very selfish to create people, then make them fight, especially when they start fighting for you, both sides believing that you belong to them, and then punishing one of those groups and exalting the other group to the highest ranks. This is all very selfish. Extreeeemeeely. But, well.
You didn’t create me before other things, and you didn’t consult me regarding this whole creation business. It’s already done.
So I just have to live thru it now… just go on.
Maybe at the end of it all, I’ll get an answer that is unimaginable now.
Maybe it wasn’t selfish after all. Maybe you feel every little pain that we feel. Coz after all the whole universe has come about from your Noor. Maybe. And maybe it will finally reach that ‘Advaitam’ that Hindus speak about, and which the story of creation hints towards, but of course we have been prohibited form speakin bout it ….

But, right now, these are only mysteries of the Universe.
I too think it was a beautiful thing to be told, ‘I am so finite that I can’t understand the infinite’.
Truly, Allah Paak! I learnt the doses for Ampi and Genta and Amox only yesterday…. And today I don’t remember anything. Ask me the steps to treat cardiac failure and I will fumble with my words. Ask me the surgical steps to prevent gastric reflux and I will need a whole day to recall it. and here I am trying to understand the mysteries of the Creation.
It’s almost hilarious. ‘almost’ coz I am sure you love me for at least ‘trying’.

At this moment I know only one thing, that there is some purpose after all. And even if it was only for your amusement, which sounds so selfish, I know I wud get an answer one day which wud come as a big surprise to many. Right now, I can only play my part… the part of being a creation, a slave, a servant, a student and a lover. And I ask you Maalik to help me in playing my part well.
Make me a good student.. an excellent student.. so that I may learn from your slightest signs.
So that I may never see the harsh side of your teaching skills.
I want to learn everything in the first go. Coz I know you can be a merciless teacher.
But please don’t ever stop being my teacher. Coz’ then, I’d be lost.
And I thank you Maalik for teaching me, for showing me, for making me understand.
And I thank you for making me thank you coz that is the greatest gift of all.
Be mine.
And make me yours.
Aameen.
Love you.
Tatas.


Surah Al-Ankaboot [The Spider]
Verse 22
“Not on Earth nor in Heaven will ye be able (fleeing) to frustrate (His Plan), nor have ye, besides Allah, any protector or helper”


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