Thursday, 13 May 2010

Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah
Why is it that when someone is alone, someone is sad, I go out of my way to cheer that person up….. why is it that I am THERE?
And why is it that when I am sad, it’s only my mummy and me?
Allah Paak….. how many times will this happen to me?
You know it that I made this move having faith in her.
I got the answer Allah Paak. Thank you.
I shudnt have had faith in her.
I shud hav had faith in you and stayed back.
But I had really thot that itt wud even sort out my current problems…
I ahd really thot that you had made it an excuse to giv me the idea of moving here as it wud be best for me.
You know it Maalik that my faith iss first yours. Before everyone else.
I never say that it’s my parents who provide for me before telling that Allah is the Giver of all.
You know it Maalik.
Then why?
Maybe I hurt you.
I am sorry.
My faith is in you Allah Paak.
And I know you will see me through in the way that is best for me.

And you also know that it is not as much for the loss that I am complaining as I am complaining for the hurt it has caused me.
And you also know that other side of the issue.
On why is she neglecting me.
That she is jealous.
I can feel it Maalik.
I can sense it.

Whatever be the case.
I am hurt.
I don’t like being treated this way coz I never treat anyone this way.
I kept Azhar above everyone. Then he ignored me. then I went away and now when he is being shown what loneliness is, he comes round and curses me….. wow!!
I kept her above everyone… and I am not ‘unexpressive’ and I don’t have any such fundas ki ‘mai nahi bolta almaass’ and the non sense. I am very straightforward bout wat I feel. She knew.
And yet she did this to me.
I plead for justice.
My faith was in you, even then. I had only believed that she wud be the medium you have chosen to bless me.
As it turns out, you have blessed me indeed, but in a different way. Yes, Allah Paak, I will live it. you trust in me. you know I can do it. you know I can survive it. I won’t let you down khudaya.
But, whatever….. I want justice for my bleeding heart.

For I have been humble enuf Maalik. And you know it. If I bend anymore, it won’t be humility, it would be bowing down to her. And tell me, does a Muslim bow down before a man?
Keep my head held high Allah Paak.
And give justice to my bleeding heart.
And if there are people who are jealous of me….
Bless them with more reasons to be jealous of me.
And you are my trinity in one.
You are my creator.
You are my protector.
You are my destructor.
You have caused my heart to bleed….
You have made me cry.
Heal me.
Give me justice.
Be my strength.
Carry me.
Rest in my wound my Maalik and soothe my pain.
And you are the one who made a prophet out of someone who cudnt read.
So proclaim your “Iqra” to me.
Heal me…. I am bleeding….
Be with me.
I need you.
Sit beside me…..
Fill the void…..
Be my friend…
Be everyone that I lose…..
I am not scared of loss Allah Paak.
It just hurts…. Coz…. You remember? You had used ‘soil’ to make me.
Keep me right.
Keep me firm.
Guide me.
And never ever forsake me.
Come here….
Right now.
This moment…
Come here..
And stay…
And don’t go anywhere…
I put my faith in you.

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