Monday, 28 June 2010

Day 8# 27 June, 2010

  1. Am giving it my best. Started at the end, yet, giving it my best.
  2. Allah made me do it. :)
    Alhamdulillah :)
    Allah hafiz

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Day 7# 26 June, 2010

#Studied, Alhamdulillah :) as much as I could.
#Called up aunty.
#God’s ways are strange. :) made plans to go to visit aunty tomorrow.
#Reminded myself that everything will come to an end. Everything. There is no point gettin mad at anythin. ;p
Allah hafiz

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Day 6# 25 June, 2010

#Collected the hall ticket today. . . Didnt wait for saturday to collect it. Generally, I do all important things on saturdays.
#Studied at least ‘something’.
#Met Advait. Saw Aish, Akhil. After ages. :)
#My friends, Amuda and Nayana and me. . . Decided names for our children-to-be. Miss Nayana Anna Jose will name her daughter Dayana and son Dayana-mite. :p
#Tried not to miss you.
Love. :)
Allah hafiz

Friday, 25 June 2010

Day 5# 24 June, 2010

#Didnt get upset with ppl.
#Didnt let too much negativity creep in.
Allah hafiz

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Dearest Allah

I really wish ki in jannat too. . . It rains a lot. And there are wooden houses with roofs that make a lot of noise when it rains. And that there are huge trees. And big seas. And there are cats. And jalebi. And pakoda wid kala namak sprinkled on it. And i hope we are allowed to find our human families and live with them. And we get appam for breakfast. I hope the sun rises and sets. I hope we have mornings and evenings and nights. And i hope there are streams and water falls. And i hope we have ramzan and eid. And libraries. And i hope ki we understand all languages, so we can read all books. And there are no mosquitoes and ants and lizards and any other kind of insects. Actually there shouldn be any animal that i dont like. And there should be jettys . . Lots and lots. . And boats. Dongis. Fishing boats. Vehicle ferries. Ships. All kinds of boats. And there should be old ruins. And there should be fishermen. Not poor fishermen. They should be rich. And fish should be prepared like its prepared in my punnapra hostel. And there should be trains too. And bridges. And hills. And snow. And clouds. And azaan. And namaz. And palaces. And museums. And chocolates. And if its all too difficult. Just go back to 1994-95. . . Aberdeen bazaar, Port Blair. :) thats how paradise should be.
Me :)

Day 4# 23 June, 2010

#Thot of falling out of love.
#Failed. . .
Keep Smiling :)
Allah hafiz

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Day 3#, 22 June 2010.

#Got average in all subjects, Alhamdulillah.
#Got threading done.
#Ate a lot. :)
Allah hafiz

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Day 2# 21 June, 2010

#Started studying for exams.
#Saw lots of manual labourers and realized that God has given us so much more than so many others.
#My parents dont have to work for a LIVING at this age. For so many, age is not a limit. They have to go on working till they die.
#Portugal beat Korea 7-0. Azhar would be so happy. His Ronnie scored a goal.
Allah hafiz

Monday, 21 June 2010

Day 1# June 20, 2010

Alhamdulillah :) beautiful day
#Spoke to Azhar for a very very long time.
#Tried to suggest him a galfriend. Took a lot of effort. But, I really cant see him sad. It was a genuine gesture. I like myself for that.
#He told that I have so many specialities that if he starts tellin them, it would take up his whole life. .
#Mummy feeling better. Abbu’s toothache better. Aapa feeling better.
#There was goin to be some problems wid water coz they were bout to chlorinate the tank. Newaz. . There was another water pipeline. So the day went smooth.
#Happy for jaan. :)
#Spoke to Amuda for long.
#Killed two lizards. :)
#Planned bout studies.
#Sashank called up. Spoke after a long time.
#Felt happy. :)
love always.
Allah hafiz.

Sunday, 20 June 2010

A short beautiful Dua

Aye Allah, main tujhse sabke liye mangta hu. .
Kaamil eemaan
Sacha yaqeen
Paakeeza rizq
Aajzi aur Pyar karne wala dil
Tera Zikar karne wali zubaan
Maut se pehle sache dil se tauba
Maut ke waqt kalma aur aasaani
Marne ke baad maghfarat aur
Hazrat Muhammad S.A.W ki shifaat aur rehmat
Aur Hisaab ke waqt maafi

Ya Allah, humari dua ko apne Mehboob S.A.W ke sadqe qabool farma.
Summa Aameen

from "I love Hazrat Muhammad (P B U H) by Ahmed Faran" on Facebook.

Back to the Old Editor. . . Back to my Cellphone.

So, finally, I have switched back to the old editor. Now I can post from my cel. . . The new editor wasnt loadin on my cel. . And I seriously dont have the patience to turn on the lap. . Connect to the net and blah blah. Infact, most of the times when I really need to rant, am far away from both my lap as well as my diary. . So, I thot it would be most convenient to make this switch.
Next thing is that I am closing down my other blogs. Of course, am not deleting them or anything. . . But, ya. . . They shall remain in 'statue' mode (as if they have been in any other mode in the past few months *blah*) until I am free from all the exam mess. Later, I shall think bout what to do with them. As of now, I think Jalpari is all I need. . . Jalpari is all I am.
A hell lot has happened and a hell lot has been undocumented . . . Now I really cant go back and start reporting from where I had left. Nor can I start typing down stuff that I have written in my diary. . .
I can just continue from right here, right now.

"I can just continue from right here, right now. "
Well, actually. . . This sums up quite a lot of things that are going on in my life. I cant go back and change things. I can only continue living. . . 'Living until I die'. . . As I so often tell. . ,

Newaz. . . Read bout the L.H in this blog? Ever? Its my college hostel. . . So, well, have been living here since 17 april. For my exams. Final year Final exams. . . Uffff. . . Begins from 28th. As usual, haven studied for it. But, well. . . Lets see. . . Hope Allah Paak sees me thru. Am a hardcore bhagyawadi you know :)
There's no water from the taps today. . . Some chlorination drama. . . *blah*

whatever. . .

I am trying to study and hope Allah Paak helps me.
There is such a lot I want to write. . . But I dont think the rest of this post, which I've already written would help in anyway. . .

And ya am goin to block comments to most of the posts now. Coz newaz, I aint accepting any of the comments. . . I keep deleting them. . . Then I see no point in even LETTING people comment. . .

Khair. . . So will try to come back. . . To vent. . . To rant. . . To feel better. . . So that I might make the process of 'Living until I die' somewhat easier. . .

Allah hafiz

Happy Notes :)

Today was a very sad day. I feel ignored, not needed, taken for granted, confused. . . And well, I can go on and on and on. Then while searching for ‘I want to forget him’ on google, I came across this site. I think its quite cool :) I have joined two things today. This being the second. The first one was ‘fall in love with someone who loves me as much as I love them!’.
newaz. . On this sad, I pray to the Almighty to give me lots of reasons to be happy for all the days of my life. And InshaAllah all will be well.

Friday, 18 June 2010

I wish it on a Falling Star...

You know when I was a little gal, I really wanted to live in a govt. quarter.
We have a very old house…old… and huge.
And we also have a property dispute with my paternal family.
My mummy is from Calcutta so my maternal family isn’t in Port Blair.
That meant not having any relative.

We had neighbours.
But it was in a way that even if they didn’t exist, I wouldn’t mind. in fact, I wish they didn’t exist.
The thing is that…. I was kind of brought up alone.
I didn’t have kids to play with.
Of course I had my mummy, abbu and aapa….. but they weren’t kids of my age you know.
And I remember telling mummy ki it would be so nice if we lived in a small house…. In one of those ‘quarters’… in a colony… where there would be so many families. And they wouldn’t be related to you…. So you wouldn’t have a property dispute with them….
But there would be children… and ladies….
And in the evening when I returned from school… I would have so many children to play with… and mummy would have so many ladies to talk to.
And since the house would be small… it’d be so easy to clean it up.
And decorating the house wud be so easy….
And wen it rained…. And trust me it rained a lot back then…. And in those days most of the houses surrounding ours were wooden…so the roof made a lot of noise….and wen mummy called for us from the kitchen… we couldn’t hear her in the bedroom….
So we used to think ki if we lived in one of those ‘quarters’…we wud never have this problem… coz the house wud be so small….

And I remember my summer vacations…. I used to ask mummy ki what should I do mummy??? And she used to reply ‘go and play’…. And I used to ask, ‘with whom?’… and there used to be no one….

I know wat I am writing mite sound like a joke to many. Coz’ of course there are many many single children in the world… who didn’t have lots of kids around them and maybe didn’t even have parents around them….. but, see… I am not them.. I am me.
And I know this wud sound like a bigger joke… but I guess I had this problem coz I am a Sag.
Well.. whatever…..
They say that our initial few years shape the rest of our lives… yes they do…..

Today. I find it very difficult to live with people. I don’t trust people coz I saw people being so bad to my parents.
I hate the idea of ‘house’…. Coz I saw my parents spending their whole lives building a house amidst the immense trouble caused by my two rich aunts.
I am so opposed to ‘building of houses’ that wen someone else speaks of his plan.. I say something stupid like you shudnt be doing it or something equally blah… it’s bad coz ppl mite take it as a bad shagun….
I wish to live in an apartment… so that wen I have children inshaAllah, they wudn be alone.
I am sad coz fiza and faaris wud be too elder to my children… if I ever have children…
I don’t like seeing kids alone.
Right in front of my house, there’s a family.. they live there coz they are having a dispute with their larger family…. There’s a little gal in that house…. And shez always alone….and she lost her father a year or two back… wen I was at home, I used to see her in the verandah …lookin down at the people in the street… and my heart used to bleed at that….
I don’t want children to be alone.
I don’t want people to be alone…
I want everyone to have everyone….

I want everyone to be happy.

And yet I want myself to be alone.
I want to get married… I hope I do….
And I don’t want to invite anyone….
I do wish to have all the rasm and all…. But if that means inviting people… I wud choose to leave all the rasms….
I want to live in another world… at another time..
Away from everyone…
I want people..coz that’s how life is meant to be.
And I don’t want people…coz people hurt.
And you know in my birth chart… my house of partnerships is empty… ther’s no planet in it….. and it’s interpretation is that I shall have very few ppl in my life.

And you know I never learnt to play…..

And I don’t understand how do so many children manage to grow up all alone.
Don’t they ever feel that they shud have had more friends….???///
Or is it just coz I am a Sag???
I just wish no child… actually.. no human in this world ever be alone…..
And I know certain wishes never come true…..
So, I will just wish on a falling star and let it go…….

As the star fades away… my wish shall die…. And no one wud ever know….

At least Allah Paak gave me such wonderful parents and sister….
What if God had given me lots of cousins and friends .. but no parents???
Alhamdulillah, thank God for the life He gave me… I wont trade it for anything else…

But, I wish Allah gave everyone all the happiness…. Every new child that is born… may he have the bestest of destinies written for him…
And I shall wish this too on a falling star…. And let it fall… fall.. fall..

Allah hafiz

11th June 8.17pm

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Allahhafiz vs Khudahafiz...


Note: Post meant for Muslims.

If you know me, you surely do know that I am a Muslim, Alhamdulillah…. And I am an Indian, Alhamdulillah.
I was born and brought up in this country, speaking Urdu/Hindi and using terms like ‘Namaaz’ and ‘Roza’.
And I have no desire of suddenly changing my language because ‘some’ people find it inappropriate.

I had written in an earlier post that I absolutely hate the de-Indianization of Indian Muslims. That post dealt with the increasing usage of "Ramadhan Kareem" instead of "Ramzaan Mubarak".
I am still of the same view.
Today, someone told me that ‘Khudahafiz’ is not the correct word to be used. We should rather say ‘Allah hafiz’. The reason being ‘Parsis also use Khudahafiz’.
I have heard the same ridiculous notion earlier as well…..
And I am very sure that a lot of people reading this also have similar views…..
In any case, I make it clear to anyone and everyone reading this post, that I, Almas, will not stop saying Khudahafiz.

Firstly, for the benefit of the readers, ‘Khuda’ is a word incorporated into Urdu from Persian (like many many many Urdu words are). If you do a thorough search, you’d find that the word ‘Khuda’ has a very elaborate meaning- from ‘the powerful one’ to ‘the one to which sacrifices are offered’. To keep it simple, we shall use the commonest meaning for which the term ‘Khuda’ is used- ‘God’.
When I say Khuda, I mean my God, my Creator, the One to whom I shall return.
When I say Khuda, I mean my Allah.
But, obviously, not everyone in the world speaks Urdu, not everyone in the world calls Allah ‘Khuda’.
Just like not everyone in the world speaks English, not everyone in the world would call Allah ‘God’.
But, to remind you, I am not ‘everyone in the world’. I am me. and I do call my God ‘Khuda’. And then it doesn’t matter to me who else uses this word for what else….

For the people who say that ‘Khuda’ shouldn’t be used coz a lot of other people use this term for their God…

Well, yes…. Urdu is a language, so is Persian.. and anyone who speaks in this language can use ‘Khuda’ for his God. A Christian from Pakistan can use ‘Khuda’, a Zoroastrian from Iran can use ‘Khuda’. That, by no means, implies that a Muslim from either Pak or Iran cannot use ‘khuda’.
When you say that ‘Khuda’ can also mean the Christian God or the Parsi God…or even the Sikh or Hindu God … you are actually trying to say that there IS a Christian God, a Parsi God, a Sikh God, a Hindu God……besides a Muslim God Allah.
Tell me, is this what you believe in?
Does this make you Muslim?
Tell me, what is the most important thing to be a Muslim?

The belief in one God.
La ilaha illallah.
There is no God but Allah.

so when anyone says ‘God’ what should come to your mind?
Allah…. Coz who is Allah but Allah????

There is one God who created us all, who provides for us all, whether we be Muslim or Hindu or Parsi or whatever.
Then what exactly dyu mean wen you say that ‘so and so people also call their God ‘Khuda’????

Do you realize that a Christian Arab also uses ‘Allah’ but for him Allah is the father of Jesus…. How cool is that?
So, now shouldn’t I stop using the term ‘Allah’ too?
Do you realize that when Huzur S.A.W. became a Prophet, Arabs belonging to the Jahiliya also worshipped Allah, only that they also worshipped Uzza, Lat, Manat?
So, doesn’t this too mean that I should stop using ‘Allah’ ?
Giving you a very recent example…..
I read this little thing in ‘TeleKids’ which is (or used to be) a supplementary issue with ‘The Telegraph’…at that time I was in ninth std. It told that ShahRukh Khan’s son Aryan points at the statue of Ganapati at home and calls it ‘Ganapati-Allah’.

And a whole lot of Non-Muslims believe that Allah is some ‘other’ God………a God other than their own God.

So, doesn’t ‘Allah’ too conjure images other than what we as Muslims know ‘Allah’ means?

Now, if ‘Allah’ despite being used by other sects means Allah. I am sure ‘Khuda’ too can mean ‘Allah’ for me.

When a Christian says ‘KhudaHafiz’, he mite be leaving you in the protection of God the Father…. But wen I or any other Muslim says Khudahafiz, we are leaving you in the protection of Al-Ilah…. The God.

There are reasons, definitely, why you can tell me to use ‘Allah hafiz’ instead of Khudahafiz.
The best being that Allah calls Himself Allah in the Qur’an.
That saying the ‘word’ Allah itself brings blessings.
That it binds the Ummati in a common thread.
You give me these reasons and I will agree to you.

But you tell me that stupid reason of “A Parsi calling God ‘Khuda’”, and you are seriously going to have a good piece of my mind.

Besides, I would also like to add that Allah created us all different … there are Muslims with golden hair and blue eyes……. Muslims with black skin and crude curly hair….. and then there are Muslims with brown skin and black eyes…
We eat different food, speak different languages and have different cultures.
We are united in our belief and our belief doesn’t include us becoming Arabs.
No, I don’t mean ‘Allah’ is for Arabs alone.
What I mean is that this sudden need among Indian Muslims to switch over from ‘namaaz’ to ‘Salaah’ and the like as also a sudden defilement of ‘Khudahafiz’ have all arisen (I believe) from that same misconception that Muslim and Arab is synonymous.

It is NOT.

I live in Kerala at present and the Muslims here use the term ‘Niskkaram’ or ‘Namaskkaram’ for ‘Namaaz’ / ‘Salaah’. Yet I don’t find huge forums on the internet debating the usage of the term. Nor do I find Keralite Muslims with any sense of shame in their usage of a word which is well known to be of Hindu origin (if I can call it that) to refer to the second pillar of Islam.
Yet, ‘namaaz’, ‘roza’, ‘khuda’ are so vehemently opposed….

The only explanation that I can find for this absurd phenomenon is the huge population of the Hindi/Urdu Muslims…….
Keralite Muslims form a small population and their ‘terms’ are not so apparent to the larger Muslim world nor are they a threat. Whereas Urdu/Hindi Muslims are a bloody huge group of people and with the global community that we all have become the urdu/hindi Muslim ‘terms’ have somehow stood as competitors to their ‘Arabic’ counterparts, at any given place and time.
And with an increasing Western Muslim population due to an unprecedented rise in reversions, Arabic in its chaste form is being embraced as the sole language of Islam.
In such a scenario, naturally, the older Indian/Paki Muslims who use Urdu/Hindi in its various forms, present as the single largest ‘alienation’.
And thus, the need to extol the usage of ‘arabic’ terms… or rather deprecate the usage of Urdu/Hindi terms that the larger Muslim World cannot understand.

In any case, I feel this is so totally ridiculous.

I myself end all my posts with an ‘Allah hafiz’ , yet I use ‘Khuda hafiz’ in my routine language. Not coz one is better than the other but coz both mean one and the same.

And trust me my God can understand all the languages he created. He really does.
The need to de-Indianize us (Urdu/Hindi Muslims) stems from the belief that how can anything Muslim be non-Arab? It is very similar to the Urdu/Hindi Muslim belief that how can anything Muslim be non Urdu/Hindi (within India)?
Since most Muslims in India know one or the other form of Urdu/Hindi, even if their mother tongue be something totally different .. like..say.. Tamil .. there is a common belief that all Indian Muslims speak Urdu… which is NOT true….

I know Keralite Muslims who don’t know the ‘U’ of Urdu and yet are beautiful Muslims.
We need to realize that the pulse of the Ummati… the golden thread that binds us as Muslims is our belief and not our language.

We need to understand that ‘your God and my God and his God and her God and that God and this God and their God’ is for people who believe that there CAN possibly be more than one god.
What makes us Muslims is our proclamation ..
“There is One God.”
Now, if I call him God, or Rabb or Khuda or Bhagwaan or Maalik or Parwar dighaar is not of as much importance as is that I call Him and Him alone.
Coz, after all….
There is only One who can possibly be God
Him---- Al-Ilah--- The God.
Wahadahu la shareek
Allahu Akbar.

P.S.- No offence to the person who told me not to say ‘Khuda hafiz’. You did your part. It’s just that I disagree. Newaz… you are my favouritest.

The Hindu on terrorism-violence in Jammu and Kashmir.

"Jammu and Kashmir's political landscape has been transfigured by the death of the was which began in 1988. Last year, the State saw 3.95 terrorism-related killings per 100000 population including combatants, who made up over three-quarters of the dead. Its residents are now less at risk of terrorism-related death than citizens of many countries in firearms-related crime. In South Africa, there were 71.97 murders with firearms for every 100000 of the population; for Colombia, the figure was 50.98; Thailand recorded 31.20.

India has a low-rate of firearms-related deaths; there were 4101 killings of this kind in 2008, National Crime Records Bureau data show. But it is interesting to note that 19.8 of every 100000 Indians were victims of a violent crime- a probability far higher than that of being killed in terrorism-related violence in Jammu and Kashmir.
Despite concerns at the continued operations of jihadist groups, violence in the State remains in decline. In 2007, there were 170 civilian deaths; last year, 83 were killed. The security forces and the Jammu and Kashmir police lost 79 personnel last year, down from 122 in 2007. Two years ago, 472 terrorists were killed; just 239 were shot dead in 2009. Improvised explosive device use fell from 56 in 2007 to 23 last year; grenade attacks from 107 to 56. Levels of violence were marginally higher in the first five months of 2010 than during the same period in 2009-but infiltration has been lower, suggesting that no major escalation is imminent. "

"Kashmir:pessimism may be good news"
The Hindu (editorials)
June 8, 2010

Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah
I place my trust in you. And i know you will make everything all right. I know everything IS all right. Its only a matter of time that i start FEELING all right. You will do it. I know.
help me to trust in you.
be with me.

P.S.- Written on Sunday, 06 June 2010 at 23:59 as a Facebook Note.

On Cakes and Mummies . . .

One of my batchmates brought us cakes. Twas her mummy's bday. . . Twas during the practicals. And she had gone home just for the bday and returned the next day. I was like. . . Wow. . . She can go home for her mom's bday. . . . Lucky gal.
I was sad. I wanted to go home too. To my mummy. And be with her so she doesnt feel lonely. Coz I am so scared of losing her. Losing my father. Losing my loved ones.
and then i realized that here i am complainin of not being able to be with my mummy when there are people who dont even have a mom. My mom herself didnt have a mom. My mother's mother passed away when my mummy was three months old. Mummy was brought up by her elder sister. . Elder by 13 years. And of course nana, and my nani (step-nani actually) and her elder brothers.
newaz. . . What i mean is i have a mummy. . . There are people who dont even have a mom.
i am lucky Alhamdulillah. So lucky. My abbu didnt have his father. Dada was killed wen my dadi was expecting abbu.
both my parents have had one parent.
and i have both of them.
and i remember, we were in 1st standard and a gal in my class had lost her mom. She had left school after that. And people lose people. And the worst is losing your parents.
and Alhamdulillah. I still have my parents.
and there are orphans who dont even know where they came from. Some of them were abandoned.
i have my abbu and mummy. And they love me. And i love them. And i am lucky.
and i really believe in counting your blessings. I have just counted one of the many.
have you counted any today?
Love always.

P.S- Saturday, 05 June 2010 at 18:39 as a Facebook Note.

Allah hafiz

Water Dream :)

I saw a water dream this morning . . . :) i has a big happy. Begins with me in a flight. To my left, on the window seat is Azhar and to my right, on the aisle seat is Vijaykumar sir (the paediatrician) :p dont remember what we were talkin bout. Then the plane takes off with air blowing into the plane. :) :)
and and and . . . . As we ascend. . . . I see see see the huge big beautiful sea :) :) :) :) my sea. . . Full of ships and boats and just like the sea near chattam. . . My sea. . . :) My home sea :) and i see cranes. And then suddenly we are in the aberdeen jetty. What we now call the water sports complex. Which was simply 'jetty' when i was a kid :) so we are there. And water is reaching my feet. And vijaykumar sir is teaching us somethin bout somethin. . . I dont remember. Newaz twas not paeds. . . . And then i notice that the water is full of fishes. All Dead. Tiny fishes. And then i wake up. :) newaz. So a water dream after 8.5 million years. :) i has a happy. :)

P.S.-Written on Friday, 04 June 2010 at 14:37 as a Facebook Note.
Allah hafiz

Alright. . . If that is what is to happen.

It's strange how, you begin, others imitate and then these others get the acclaim. You dont.
It's sad. It hurts.
but can a painting fight with the painter?
so be it Khudaya.
Your shall be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

and I can only place my faith in Him. And know that all that I am not being given could be detrimental to me.
and know that the best is happening every moment.
nothing better could have happened.
coz God doesnt do anything lesser than the best, in any way lesser than the best.
What I lose, I lose for my best.
What I suffer, I suffer for my best.
and Allah loves the Saabir.

I believe that 'Sabr ka fal meetha hota hai'. . . But even if it is not, I know that I dont have a choice when it comes to 'kya hota hai'.
I can only let my body move through it. I can only let time pass. And the only solace is that, one day this shall end. Until then, whatever God gives. . . Sar aankhon pe.

P.S.- Written on Saturday, 22 May 2010 at 20:16 as a Facebook note.

Allah hafiz.


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