"I started writing this thrice before, but, I couldn't get the right words. I have started yet again and I don't know if I'd get the right words this time around.
In any case, I shall not stop, coz' I can't carry this within my heart anymore.
I came to know through one of your friends that. . Well. . . That you love me, for quite some time now. I was happy to know it and still I was sad. Coz' you know, certain things are just never meant to be. . .
The other day I saw you with your friends. You were laughing your pearly laughter, pushing your hair behind your ears. And your bangles. . . What are they made of ? They dazzle in the sunlight. But, I guess that you'd just have to wear things so dazzling. . . being so dazzling yourself. Otherwise, they'd be no match to you. Anyways, so I saw you that day- so carefree, so happy, so childlike. . . Oblivious to everything. I could have fallen in love with you all over again. . . Just like I'd fallen in love with you many years ago.
Oh! I am getting my tenses wrong.
I am sorry. This is my first love letter, you see.
I should rather be saying that I HAVE BEEN in love with you for many years now.
I don't remember the first day I'd seen you, I wouldn't lie. It was not in ONE particular moment of ecstacy that I had found you amazing. It was rather a very slow and steady process of losing my heart to you- part by part. . . Piece by piece. . .
Each morning, unknowingly, my eyes searched for you. And when I saw you enter the lecture hall, my heart skipped a beat. I knew I was losing myself and trust me, I was glad.
I was happy just being near you, hearing you talk, seeing you smile. . And just in case I was the one at the receiving end of your words or smiles. . . My day was made.
I have done little other than loving you these past days. . . Loving you and observing you. I know that you bite your lower lip whenever you are tensed up. I know that you hum the same song whenever you are happy. I also know when you are sad, though, I have no idea how I know it. . . I just seem to sense it. . Kind of supernaturally.
I know that whenever you wear a new dress, you put on your black sandals, which, just like your bangles, dazzle in the sunlight.
I was happy just knowing you, observing you . . . And loving you.
So, I can't tell you how painful it is, now, when I know that you love me too.
Knowing that each time I had thought about you, you might have been thinking about me too.
Knowing that maybe you have noticed that I begin to stammer when I am tensed; that when I am happy, I walk really fast; that I write all my exams with the same pen.
The thought that you might have noticed me as well as I have noticed you just knocks the breath out of me. . .
It is scary and it is painful.
Coz' you know. . Certain things are never meant to be.
You are happy in your oblivion, loving me; just like I was until a few days ago. But now I am dying. . . Knowing that you love me as much as I love you. . . Maybe more. . .
Knowing that we have got what so many others don't.
Knowing that we are here, together.
Knowing that it could be so perfect.
Only that. . . It is not.
And we don't get all that we desire in life- it's hurting in itself.
But, what hurts more is when life brings your love to you. . . Serves it on a golden platter with violins and harps playing in the background. . .
and you turn your back to it and leave.
Forgive me for that.
Coz' you see, certain things are never meant to be.
Our college life comes to a close tomorrow. We'd be moving our separate ways. I just wanted you to know today, that I have loved you. . . A lot.
And that I wish you happiness and success in your life.
And keep laughing your pearly laughter.
. . . Forever. . . "
His eyes were wet as he folded the letter and put it back in his wallet. But, no. . . This evening wasn't the time to let his tears escape. . . It was the first reunion after college. . And there were smiles all around. . . And there. . . Near the rose shrubbery, he could see a beautiful girl. Her hands were slid around the arms of a man. . .he didn't know who. She was talking to a group of friends. And then she turned and their eyes locked for the briefest moment before she waved at him and smiled. He managed to wave back before she turned to her friends again.
And she broke into her pearly laughter and she pushed back her hair behind her ears and he could see her bangles and he was sure that if it wasn't an evening but day, those bangles. . . Whatever they were made of. . . They'd dazzle in the sunlight. . .
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