Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Blessings Delayed...

Blessings when delayed… do they remain blessings still?
A child looking for a particular brand of chocolate goes around the whole town in search of it. … unable to find it anywhere… he finally returns home disheartened… crying.. wailing at his misfortune…..
No one knows whether he forgets bout it…. Or goes on secretly desiring it every day….
Yet, after a week…. A month…. Maybe a year….
He goes to a shop to buy something for school and there…. Placed in a stack arranged beautifully, he spots that chocolate.. that same chocolate he had searched for so badly….
Would he still feel the same joy in eating it as he would have felt, had he eaten it when he actually wanted to?
Would he even care to buy the chocolate now?
Would he consider it a gift from God that he has finally received something that he had wanted ‘once-upon-a-time-in-a-magical-land-called-india’?
Would he thank God for not giving him the chocolate then coz maybe it would have caused him some disease or could have been harmful to him in any way?
Would he remember that sad day of searchin as he now eats the chocolate?
I do not know.
I know nothing.
If I knew, I’d be God.
A prophet, in the least..
What I do know is that……..when I was a little girl, I always wanted the Rajasthani Barbie,….that absolutely beautiful little thing wearing the ghaghra choli and dressed up like a bride…..well..almost like a bride….

And I remember standing near Vandana Collections and nagging my mother to get me that Barbie. . . they never gave me that one. They gave me many other Barbies …. But not this one. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. Don’t even ask my parents why… coz they too do not know… it just so happened that I never got the gorgeous Rajasthani Barbie……..
I also do not remember when exactly did I stop buying dolls…. Not that I didn’t like dolls… for, I think, the liking for dolls is an inherent thing in gals….so, well,.. I still loved dolls.. I just stopped buying dolls… coz I felt I had grown up and I didn’t play with dolls anymore…(no, I didn’t play with dolls earlier either… I do not how to PLAY.) but, still….. if I ever got to see my favourite Rajasthani Barbie at Archies…..i always thot of those days wen I had so wanted to have her…..
Days passed and I turned 16. The thing bout my 16th bday is that my parents gifted me lots and lots of dolls…. in All shapes and sizes, all colours and materials…….again, do not ask me why.. it just so happened…. No particular reason.
And that was the year when Azhar gave me…. Guess wat?...
Well… the Rajasthani Barbie. :)
Coz he had heard me say so often that I liked it so much.
I was happy, of course.
But I don’t think I was as happy in receiving the Barbie as I was happy in the thot that Azhar cared so much for me.
But, happy I was.
I named her Roshni… by the way, all my Barbies have names beginning with ‘R’….
And Roshni still stands (stands coz I want her beautiful ghaghra to be visible…) among all the other barbies in my showcase at home.

Is there any significance in not getting a doll at an age wen I would have liked it better ?
Would I have broken the doll then, and so getting it at 16 was better, coz now the doll could be preserved? No, coz’ each and every of my toys are intact …. As also my aapa’s …. We were two ‘i-will-never-break-my-toys-coz-my-soul-is-hidden-inside-them’ type of girls.
Would I have felt proud in having such a beautiful doll? No, coz my friends had twice the number of Barbies than I had… maybe even thrice the number…..of all types…
The only purpose could be the feeling that ‘oh, Azhar loves me so much.. he is the one who finally gave me my favourite doll’…..but, then again, I wonder if that feeling was of any substance when now Azhar and I are no longer together?

So, I wonder….. Blessings when delayed… do they remain blessings still? Or they become just another mundane event in your life merging into their surroundings like they have no separate existence of their own?
A blessing is a blessing, you’ll say…. I agree…. Ask him who gets vision after being blind… if only in old age, he got to see the blue sky….
But, a year ago and he’d have seen his son before he died….a few more years back and he’d have seen how his wife looked when she smiled….
So, does it suffice him to see the blue sky?
Or does his heart now cry over whatever missed his new found sight?

I do not have any answers.
Questions abound.

And Allahu Aalim.
Allah knows best.


captainjohann said...

A very touching barbie story

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...


Sheeba Aslam Fehmi said...

So sensitive and aptly emphasizing!
Loved it Jalpari :)

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...

Thank you sheeba :)


Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.



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