Thursday, 30 June 2011

Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah
You must be laughing at me now ki finally I am writin to you…after suchhhhh a long time….. well. Sorry for that. I mean really sorry. When sad, I have always rushed to you and now when it came to thanking you, I am late…. Bad girl me. But, sorry and maafi de do plz. :p …
Toh well, thank you. For everything. It took a pretty long time… but, finally I am over it. I don’t know if we can ever be ‘over’ anything. But, rite now… dats how I feel. I feel ‘over’ it. So, thanks… a lot…. Tis said that if Allah brings you to it, he sees you through it. And dat is wat I was praying for…. I knew you had brought me to it and I knew you will see me through it…. But the ‘through it’ was killing me….. and it’s over. And I’m glad.
I finally feel free. Able to breathe. And all that and all that. I know that every tear you gave me was for my good. What good, I don’t really know. But then, if I knew, I would be you.. and you, I am not… so, I guess it’s ok- the not knowing of the goodness hidden behind my tears.
I have faith in you Allah Paak. In your absolute power. Maybe my faith is not the conventional faith ppl talk bout, but, faith it is. And am sure you know it. If I am wrong, guide me from within… coz I do not trust what comes from ‘without’. Everyone talks bout wat they feel is rite. Wat they have been taught as rite. How am I to know what exactly is rite. So teach me….in the easiest of ways plz. Do not hurt me in this teaching process. But do not forsake me either. And if you were to either teach me thru pain or forsake me…. I rather you taught me thru pain…….coz I don’t want to be forsaken.
Pain, I have come to realize, is a lesson. For those willing to learn. Blessings too are lessons. What rubbish am I speaking!!! Actually, every single moment is a lesson. There’s lesson in the leaves, in the cars, in the dustbin… in every single thing… and the lesson is that you exist…. You in your absolute power.
Yes, THAT is my faith. Your absolute power is my faith. You have told many things in the Qur’an, bout giving us choice and that our life is for you to judge between the good and the bad among us. Now since it is the Qur’an no one can negate it. But, truly speaking Allah paak, I think… I feel….in ways, I know… that it is all told to simplify things… or maybe to complicate things, am not sure. But it is not wat is.
You have told that ppl who claim to believe in the Qur’an and don’t actually are mere munafiqs. So, if on The Day, I find myself being thrown into the hell for munafiqs, I’d be sad, really. Coz I believe in you so very much. If there is anything in this world that I believe in, it is you- that you are. That you have absolute power. A power that is beyond judging between the good and the bad. Coz you created the good and you created the bad. Yes, you will judge. But it is not like a … say.. it is not like a court judge at a hearing…. Giving judgment between the right and the wrong..
It’s more like a film’s story writer watching the film at a theatre. He knows wats goin to happen, he’s just watching it … for amusement maybe…
And what if the story writer is also the producer, the director, the make up man, the cameraman and everyone else involved in the making of that film? What if he’s an all in one? Well, that’s you. You are the everything in this movie…. We r the actors alrite… but dekha jaye toh… we, the actors.. and the props that we use are also created from your noor....
Isliye I don’t understand the part of you giving us this life to see which one of us is good and which one of us is bad….
I think there’s more… much more beyond heaven and hell…..and that the much more is basically nothing….basically.. basicalliestly…. It’s you.. and you and you and you…. And that’s it. Nothing else is.
I think you said all that coz otherwise, it wud be too complicated.. or too simple.. for ppl… not that you could not make us understand if you wanted to….
It’s just that you didn’t make us capable enuf to understand it all…
It’s like the fuse wires, I think…..tis not that the electricity was lacking…. It is just that the wires weren’t made strong enuf to carry all the current. And that’s the way it shud be.. to avoid damage to the electronics…coz they were manufactured to deal wid a certain amount of current… that’s the way they were made…. The electricity has to be modulated to suit the equipments. Likewise, you made us in a way that we can handle only a certain amount of information…. And so … you have told us upto the heavens and the hells and a little more…. Beyond which if you told… we mite just not be able to take it.. we were not made suitable enuf to take in all the info. Because of course you would not give us full understanding… if you gave us full understanding.. we wud be equal to you… which we r not….. why wud u make ur equals? So obviously we r lower to you and our understanding is limited and so u have been what we call short and sweet in ending the deal wid gardens beneath which rivers flow. … and am cool wid dat…
I mean I aint searchin for the purpose of my life and this world and all that…. I am pretty cool wid the belief that both the worlds are nothin but amusement to you…. I just want to play my part well…..
I mean.. I was talkin bout that movie na… ya.. so I don’t want to be a villain… I want to be the hero.. be among the ‘good guys’. Of course, I wud be only what u want me to be…… but u know… just sayin.. and soooooooooo.. I want u to guide me…..
Like someone wud guide a dumb deaf and lame….
Coz aint I deaf dumb and lame widout u?
So guide me even if it means bearing pain…… coz pain is inevitable…
Our pain is a part of ur amusement … our prayers…. Our happiness and gratitude wen our pain ceases.. all of it…. A part of your amusement thru us. So help me amuse you well……
Like the pain I just went thru…
And now it’s time to thank you…. Coz u in your boundless mercy have seen me thru it.
And that too in the strangest of ways..
Maybe not strange. I don’t know.
And all ways are lessons.
Lessons that teach that ther’s a You.. in your absolute power and glory.
And if there’s any other lesson plz teach me….
Coz u know… am such an idiot! I cant understand anything beyond ur ‘absoluteness’.
Thank you for everything. And nice coincidence that am talkin bout ur power on the Miraaj night….another proof of ur absolute power….
Oh… I shud sleep…
Gud night……. Or morning…. And morning….. whatever ab..

Blub…..
Me.



2 comments:

Al Balad said...

ALLAH subhan taala give us problems to
1)make us humble
2)test us
to me problems are mercy from my lord if i maintain gratitude in adversity than my way to jannah ll be easy(INSHA ALLAH).
I THINK U VE A WONDERFUL UNDERSTANDING.
well said.

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...

i agree...
and thanks....

Now reading ... "The Witch of Portobello" by 'Paulo Coelho'.

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