Wednesday, 27 July 2011

No Existe el Amor...


Assalam

Love- Pyaar, Ishq, Muhabbat… Tis said that this one emotion has kept the world moving…..



If I look at my own personal beliefs, the Creation began with God’s ‘love’ for himself…. And though this is only ‘self-love’, love it very much is.
Be it in any ‘form’… be it the love for God, be it the love for our parents, be it the love for our friends, be it the love for our work or be it the love for things….. life isn’t devoid of love.
And I, for one, have been a big promulgator of this one word, ‘LOVE’.
And yet I have been hurt in many ways by people I have loved or who have claimed to love me. I have seen my family being hurt by the people whom they loved…. And I do agree that I too must have hurt people who loved me, i.e., if there are people who love me. And this has caused me much trouble, coz ‘Love’, the beauty associated with it, the feelings and emotions that are said to go along with this word, are not, in my opinion, meant to hurt.
Many among us must have thought bout this at least sometime in our lives….how can love cause pain?
It is one of those questions which have kept mankind baffled ever since Time began, (i.e., if Time ever began) like…. Why did God create Evil? Why do we take birth if we have to die?

And yes, I do know that each of these questions has an answer…. But, just like people, the answers are different too. Each one believing in that set of answers which suits him best.
And of the many answers that mankind has found to the question ‘How can love cause pain?’…. the simplest one is
“Love Hurts” full stop
This is the easiest way out of the immense suffering that we can go thru if we try to search for a better answer.
I had loved a boy, or so I thought.
And he had loved me, or so he and I, both thought.
But, we parted. And not in the best of ways.
And it killed me inside for more than a year as to what went wrong. How could ‘love’, the beautiful love turn so ugly?
Perhaps there was no love to begin with.
This is the answer that most of us would say.
This is precisely what my mother says… to begin with she used to say that I mistook friendship for love, later it turned to ‘he never loved you’. And he, on the other hand, says that I never loved him.
This 29th July, i.e. day after tomorrow, it would be exactly 11 years since the day I first saw Azhar. I was 12 years 8 months old…. Like Taylor Swift sang….’we were both young wen I first saw you…’
And it killed me to know that a relation that I kept going for so long wid so much effort had to just turn into vapour at the end.
And it kills me to think that there was no love between us. That the thought that we loved each other was a mistake. That actually there was no love.
It kills me.
It kills me and wrings my heart and my soul and my being to think that there was no love between us. And I have just come out of the worst year and a half of my life….with this question of whether or not Azhar and I loved each other…. Hammering my head hard.
And I know that I loved him. Everything aside….. I loved him and every tear falling from eyes right now bear witness to that love.
I loved him. I did. In spite of everything that we went thru, the quarrels, the fear that I lived with, the tears and the fact that at the end I am glad that it is over, I will never cease to believe that I loved him.
Coz he has given me the worst of the days and also the best of the days of my life. And he was the point of gravity around which I revolved.
But then, if I loved him…. And if he loved me too… what happened?
I didn’t have answers. But, whatever we need to move on.
I did too.
Nevertheless, ‘we were both young when I first saw you’ is one of my most oft-repeated status updates on FB.


And then a month or two ago I came across a blog post(jiska name or address or jiska author ka name I don’t remember) titled “No Existe El Amor” …. Love Does Not Exist.

The author herself had been told bout ‘No existe el amor’ by someone else. I mean the concept which I am goin to write down now is neither my own or that blogger’s but someone else’s and is being carried from one blog to another, if you get wat I mean. The original mind that thot this (whoever’s mind it is that we are quoting) told :-> (in my words)

Love does not exist. There is no such ‘thing’ as love. But, yes it is a word. A word that we use as a blanket over a bunch of emotions that are involved in a relationship. It is a blanket over understanding, care, physical attraction, loyalty, patience, tolerance, fun, belief, confidence and myriad emotions that two individuals can and should share between themselves if they are in a relationship. Any relationship.
And since it is difficult for us to mention each and every emotion, each and every time…. The blanket word ‘Love’ is used. One Love for zillions of feelings.
And this one word is actually good only coz it aids in speech and expression. Coz otherwise, it is doing nothing but underplaying the importance of the individual emotions that go into making ‘LOVE’ what it is.
The ‘loyalty’ part is neglected, the ‘honesty’ part is neglected and in every relation one or another part is neglected in the pretext that whatever be… Love exists.
And so we need to realize that ‘love’ as such does not exist. And that it is faith and care and encouragement etc that we feel towards someone. If and only if we look at each and every emotion individually, we will be able to understand what we share, what he have and take care of it.. protect it.. enrich it and see it bloom……
Coz if we rely on the blanket word called ‘LOVE’…. Somewhere down the line we'll see that we have neglected a lot of things and damaged our relation so bad that most of wat we shared seems to be lost and the blanket word ‘LOVE’ is no longer fit to be used.


And this blog post… when I read it… and re-read it… and re-re-read it….and on and on gave me peace at heart. Coz this answered a lot of the unanswered questions that I was forced to leave behind unanswered.
I wil give a short example to explain that concept better-
A man cheats on his wife and his wife comes to know and they quarrel bout it… and the husband says, ‘But, I love you baby!’ and the wife thinks ‘oh yes.. whatever…. He loves me…. ‘ and things get back to normal….. and such things continue…. They continue to believe that they ‘love’ each other without realizing that the husband is losing ‘loyalty’ and the wife is losing ‘faith’. And at the end a time comes when the faith and loyalty , being two huge components under the blanket of ‘love’, are so lost that the blanket called ‘Love’ can no longer be used between the man and his wife. They separate. And they go on wondering what happened? Where did the ‘love’ disappear? When actually, love was never lost… it was the components that goes into making love that was lost.

Wat I mean is that, we use the word ‘love’ to tide over the problems that crop up in our relations or to pacify ourselves when actually we need to face each problem individually, devoid of this cloud called love and deal with it.

This also explains why a part of us misses what is lost and a part of us is glad that wat was, is lost… it’s because these two parts of us are actually talking bout different parts of the blanket of ‘Love’.
We miss the fun, the laughter, the companionship… and we are glad the possessiveness, the abuse is over.
But since we have been tuned to believe that Love is all that is….. we end up being confused whether we are missing our love our not…. And ultimately … could that be called love or not?

And this dissected love also explains the different kinds of love. Like a music system with bass, rock and stuff…. We increase one and get a different kind of sound.. increase the other and the quality changes…
Likewise…. Love for a guru…high on respect
Love for a lover….high on a lot of things actually…to say..physical attraction
Love for god… high on serenity…
If you are getting wat I mean.

And when I think bout it… it also explains why and how we can be in love with more than one person at the same time.
Yes, I know many do not believe in this. But I have always…
I have always and forever told that love doesn’t die…. It just adds on and on…. Including more and more people in its bounds.
And this dissected love explains how I can love you and him together at the same time… it is because you both are fulfilling different sections of the blanket of love….. and why, in spite or being in love, we continue to search for love sometimes… it is because… some pockets in that blanket are left vacant and we go on searching for people who can fill up those pockets…..


This dissected love needs to be realized coz we need to know that some pockets in this blanket Love will always remain empty coz God doesn’t make man perfect. And so.. every relation will have its flaws. The blanket is never complete. We can hope for it… pray for it…. But if we don’t get it… we need to understand that we too have kept some pockets empty in our partner’s blanket.

This dissected love, I believe, is superior to the blanket love coz it helps strengthen relations better.
Of course, due to lack of time.. and simply the lack of romance in saying ‘I respect and understand and care for you and blah blah….’
A short and simple ‘I Love You’ as a means of expression is fine… good in fact….
But, otherwise… remember…. A lot goes into relations…. It’s not just ‘Love’
Coz…
Love does not exist.
No Existe El Amor…………………



Allah hafiz



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