Thursday, 29 September 2011

Breast Lump :/

Assalam alaykum

I have felt a lump in my right breast.
My friend, Amuda, told me that probably my palpatory method was wrong. So, I palpated again and yes, by all means, there’s a lump in my right breast. I do not have any wish or the courage to examine my own breast lump the way we have examined God-knows-how-many patients. However, I do know that it is painless, firm in consistency and pretty big :(
Mummy is really worried about it, especially coz recently a family member has gone thru the pains of a mastectomy, radio and chemo. Am worried too, but strangely, after the initial ‘fear’ crying, the major thing that’s upsetting me is the chance of getting an extension. I have 29 more working days of my internship, but, if I need to get myself investigated (and hopefully not – treated), I’ll need to take leave and do extension later… something that I so totally don’t want.


Aish and Amu have reassured me that I am not in the age group of carcinoma, so, it’s ok. But, am still worried… coz’ like I told, a close relative is struggling with post-mastec chemo.
And my body is full of moles and naevi- which are considered pre malignant lesions. Also, I suffer from vitiligo, which is an autoimmune disease.
So.. well….am a BIT worried, if not frankly scared.
I will have to see a surgeon -there are only two female surgeons in my hospital- one is a JR, one is an SR…. I think I’ll show the JR… I have worked with her. I was the HS in the same unit as her’s during my Surgery posting.
I might need to do an FNAC… though I really hope that it is nothing.. I mean nothing at all… and I don’t even get to need an FNAC……

In any case, Alhamdulillah alaa kulli haal
Praise the Lord under all circumstances…

On a happier note, I finally gave the cloth material to the tailor to get sleeves stitched – to be worn with tops, tees and kurtis which don’t cover my arms and forearms fully. I also bought a long and flowy black skirt… I don’t wear skirts…. Nor do I wear sarees. Coz of my morbid fear of tripping over :/
newaz... i've got one now... let's see if i trip over and fall. :p
But, I’d be able to wear this skirt only in air-conditioned places…

Otherwise I run the risk of making omelettes out of the eggs in my ovaries :/


Also read why I think Radiologists are The Gypsy Doctors in my other blog. :)

Allah hafiz

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Together, in the Rain.

Hand-in-hand and Heart-in-heart, together
We set off for our lovely evening walk.
Soft breeze blowing, Sun setting in splendour
Why then, was he so hesitant to talk?
Feathery clouds grew heavier, darkened,
Perturbed; foreseeing some impending doom.
Enshrouding curses did darkness descend.
He faced me then with an aura of gloom.
Shattering the silence came words painful,
Numbing; relentless, deep stabs on my heart.
The skies now roared, enraged at the dreadful;
Burning cold drops now ripped my skin apart.
Hand dropped, heart blazed; I stood to be devoured
By grief; and now the rain recklessly poured.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

P.S- This is my first attempt at writing a sonnet :)

Written for 

also, a part of the Theme Writing- "Rains- Baarish"

Jihadi Jew and his G--D...

There must be hundreds of religions in the world…. How many of them do we really know about??
Well…. Speaking for myself and myself alone, it must be possible to know only those religions to any extent which are really AROUND us.

Am a Muslim, Alhamdulillah! So, obviously I’d know something, at least something, about Islam. Being an Indian, surrounded by Hindus…. I’d know something about Hinduism too. And studying in a Catholic institution for 14 yrs, Christianity too would be somewhat familiar….

However, one religion which every Muslim SHOULD come in contact with has been extra-terrestrial to me…..
And hence, ppl belonging to that religion have also been aliens….

Am talking about Judaism and Jews.

Given the ‘tap-tap-tapakta pyaar’ between Jews and Muslims, it is obvious that the huge geographical distance is only increased because of the 'not-knowing'…

I have never known a Jew in my almost-24 years of life.

The closest I got to Jews was when I went to that little ‘Jewish Town’, a small township in Kochi, Kerala….Azhar and I wanted to visit the synagogue there but, unfortunately, it was a Saturday, and we didn’t know that the synagogue is closed for outsiders on Saturdays. We ended up visiting the St. Francis Church… and got seriously pissed off at the sight of foreigners entering the church with their shoes on…..(culture!!! *rolling eyes*)

Last I heard, there are less than 10 pure Jews remaining in Kochi.

So, obviously… I had no idea about Jews other than the fact that they kill Muslims. (and Muslims try hard to kill them… and finally end up killing… more Muslims :/) I have never hated Judaism as such, nor Jews… but, yes….i have never liked them either.

It’s very difficult to like any people without being in contact with them. Hindus, I know tooooooo many…. And I know there are good and bad people among them, just like there are among Muslims…
Forget about Christians. I believe, the best people in the world are all Christians…

But, knowing Jews only through newspapers and internet sites, i couldn’t really have any opinion about them.

[Change of scene]

All my life… or rather much of it, I have hated Pakistan and Pakistanis. Not like I’d go on my own and start a fight.. but, ya!!! Speak a word against India and you’ll have it!!!!
Recently, a certain incident (about which I’ll mention later) made me re-assess my hatred….. it really had no basis….
Coz at the end, what am I getting in return ??? nothing!!! Maybe some more hatred, some pity and some loath. What else???
I decided to stop hating Pakistanis for whatever non-sense they say… yes, non-sense it IS to me… but, I no longer wanted to hate them for it…. Coz well…. What I say must be equally non-sense to them.
Then I read this poem in Sadia's "Diary of a Muslimah"…. And I decided to try and defeat hatred on all fronts…. Not that I hate anyone else (I was an exclusive Pak hater :P) but still… to try to reduce the negativity in me…..

It was in this ‘striving to beat hatred’ state of mind that I came across a Twitter profile-


[change of scene]

JihadiJew is the Twitter handle of a Jewish guy, Lee Weissman ,who lives in America….
And… he does NOT hate Islam.
Reading his tweets made me feel really nice… he is a true Jihadi… and Jihad, btw, is a struggle… (not equal to suicide bombing!)

One of his posts spoke of how similar Ramzaan is to the Jewish custom of fasting.
Not that I didn’t know about it earlier. I obviously did. Judaism is the first of the three Abrahamic religions and I know it well that Islam is an extrapolated version of the same religion that was…. It is a core belief of Islam…. Without believing in this fact, you are not a Muslim.
But, hearing (reading) it from a Jew made all the difference.

Another of his tweets mentioned how, while travelling, he sits beside the most conservative looking Muslim (I guess he meant the beard, the attire and all) so that they get the ‘stares’ together.. :P (he is a bearded Jew)
I know this only too well… coz ‘appearing’ Muslim is not very accepted in today’s world. I still remember, the first day I wore the headscarf, two of my friends, both Muslims, were behaving in the worst of ways…. They went to the limit of saying that they won’t walk with me and if someone asks them who I was, they’d say that they don’t know me (all this was told with a big smile on their face…. But some smiles are only used as a buffer to say the cruelest of things).

His tweets also show that he receives hate mails from Jews coz apparently; he had mentioned somewhere that the G-D of the Jews is the same as the Muslim’s Allah.
If he had indeed told it, my respect for him would increase all the more coz what do I believe in more than the proclamation that God is One?
I cannot understand how can there possibly be a Jewish God and a Muslim God…. If there is a God, He is One and the Same for all…..
I had written something similar in an article titled AllahHafiz vs Khuda Hafiz….. where I had mentioned that Allah, God, Bhagwaan are all the same. That article was published at , following which I, too, had received some negative comments.

He was also the character witness of one of the Irvine 11 brothers. He told this in a reply to one of my tweets to him. I was, obviously, sad that the Irvine 11 had been found guilty. Their crime comes down to voicing their opposition to the Israeli war crimes. [Read about The Irvine 11 ]
Regarding this matter, JihadiJew tweeted that the Irvine 11’s opposition was ‘normal, if not wise’.
As soon as I read ‘if not wise’ the evil in me jumped saying that
“Lookkkk what the Jew is saying… it was an unwise thing to do…”

I quickly had to remind myself, that this same Jew has also shown concern about the impact this would have on the life of the boys and that this same Jew was actually saying that there shouldn’t have been a trial at all…
He wasn’t calling it ‘unwise’ in a wrong way…..

And assuming that he did favour the Israeli war crimes…. I need to remind myself that a person can put himself in another person’s shoes only so much…. Beyond which if he wants to continue wearing those shoes, he’ll actually have to transform into that other person.

So, I need to like people for the good they show and not disregard their goodness by a slight show of something that is not in accordance with my wishes.
It is just like someone telling me that since I have told that I believe in One God, I should start worshipping the idols they worship, coz THAT is what they worship.

At one point, we all NEED to respect the differences and the hatred too.
We need to realize that he (someone) is he coz that’s what he really is…. and though he is what he is, he respects you- THAT is the real respect.

So, I thank Jihadi Jew for the goodness he shows towards my religion- the most tainted religion of the world.
And I thank God that the very first Jew whom I spoke (tweeted) to was a man who loved Him and yet didn’t hate me. This first Jew, and maybe, the only Jew in my life, believes that we both worship the same God. In a world which goes on talking about how bad the Muslim Allah is …. JihadiJew is a person who accepts GOD to be GOD, and all GOD to be THAT ONE GOD. He is a beautiful person indeed!

And a year or two ago I had read somewhere, at huffingtonpost’s site, I guess, that every American should have a Muslim friend so that they come to know that Muslims are as normal as they are...--- that is the gist.

The unknown is what causes fear, and this fear fives rise to hatred.
If only we tried to know, we might just stop hating.

And on that note, a little thing that I learnt about Jewish customs-
they have a tradition that God’s name shouldn’t be taken too casually, and so, they type G-D for God… to bring in the ‘awareness’… this, I found pretty intriguing. The concept of being ‘aware’ of God.
Personally speaking, I believe God is the most casual entity. He is ours. We are His. Then what’s the formality??? Still!!! He’s the Master and we are the slave….and if that be the case, a little pause, a little shift of the keys while typing ‘G-D’ does make us linger a slightly longer at GOD. Makes us a wee bit more aware of Him.

That’s it…
Allahu Akbar!
G-D is the greatest!

P.S.-Today, i'd leave you with an older article in this blog, Allahhafiz vs Khudahafiz, the original piece that I had written for my blog, before it was edited.

Allah hafiz.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Amuse Me

I stand right here, at this point of your life,
In my glorious darkness and power,
To cradle you in my widespread arms; I
Await your final turn round the corner.
How busy you seem building mansions and
Hoarding wealth for years that go beyond me;
Desires abound, struggles incessant,
You seem so oblivious of my being.
So, you go on with your love, strife, hatred,
Deceit; at the end, the Truth will be seen.

You dream of success, high status and fame
Though you know it’s all just an illusion.
Endless moves have you planned for your life’s game,
All will cease with my sudden intrusion.
Of all things sure I am the surest; you
Know it only too well. Yes, certainly!
Still you dream of flying across skies blue
Fragile wings; while here, I wait silently.
And since you are preoccupied with my
Denial; pray, keep going, Amuse me!

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Friday, 23 September 2011

The Convocation

Certain days are soooo sad, you know. So sad matlab ufffff wala so sad.
I guess, am feeling so troubled just coz am trying so bad to go home at the earliest. I am seriously not the struggling types… I need to relax and just let things be… I mean possibly cant make me work for more than 18 days. I just hope lets me start from 20th itself…. And I also hope lets me do it in ambalapuzha instead of chettikadu. There is no airtel network there…. But agar doesn’t agree toh I wudnt have an option.

I am also pretty worried over my Triage posting. We are three Housies and that means we would have cycles of 24 hrs duty and 12 hours off.. which, I think, will be really hectic. And that is another reason why am so worked up… coz that is the time when I would really need time … for packing shacking and all that and all that… but, Newaz….. the only good part is that at the end, it will end.

Am also sad coz I will not be participating in the Convocation. I aint inviting my parents. And I have no wish to be there alone. I had thought of calling Azhar over. But, we both are not worth each other. So, that leaves me with two options-
1. Not attending the convo and feeling sad coz I wasn’t with my batch which, anyways, will forget me in a matter of days (i.e., if they remember me now).
2. Attending the convo all alone and looking at everybody with their families and feeling sad.

I think I should go for option 1.

I do realize that I am lucky that I HAVE a family. There might be so many in this world who don’t have a family at all. There are orphans doing graduation and for their convo they might invite their uncles and aunties, which is cool in itself, but still, somewhere deep in their hearts, they might, just MIGHT, wish their parents were with them. My mummy was an orphan. She had a big family and stuff, but, still.. she was an orphan…. If she had parents, I don’t think they would have got her married to someone from a jungle,…..from Calcutta to Port Blair.
I digress.
So, I mean ki I am doing all this naatak just coz I have someone to call Mummy and someone to call Abbu.
Maybe, I don’t know.
They are ready to come, btw. But I really don’t think it is worth it. I mean if we keep a minimum of RS. 10,000 from Port Blair to Alleppey, it makes Rs. 40,000 for my parents’ to and fro tickets plus the stay and food. Let’s add another Rs. 10,000 to it.

I really do not think that we should be spending 50 grands to get my old parents to travel (something they never do) only to hear Malayalam speeches and sit like statues throughout the function, coz they don’t speak Malayalam and will not be able to converse with others’ parents, and eat do dana from the grand (hopefully) dinner and retire to the hotel room coz by then the Y chromosomes will have started their talli dance.
To be noted here is that I will have to take leave if my parents come over and that would only mean more days with God’s countrymen, something am not really looking forward to. Then there can come the twist in the tale where my parents, instead of returning home like sane-headed people, can get all senti bout me having to do all the shifting thing alone and decide to stay back in the Country that God is accused to belong to, and that would mean me going and staying with them in the hotel room in the evenings… something that will only hamper the packing and shifting process. Not to mention, the expenses of staying in hotels. And I also don’t know what on earth would they do the whole day.
The other thing, of course, is that they can happily return home the next day. That would mean 50 grands for 2 days. :) :) wow!! I wish I was that rich.
But I am not :x :x :x :x

So the people who are telling me to spend such a lot of money to “experience the joy of getting the DEGREE (without even completing the course!!!!) in front of my parents” ….. when all they have to do is spend a few hundred rupees for filling their vandis’ tanks with petrol and maybe a little more to buy Moov for local application on the arms of their fathers/brothers/whoever after the long-drive-ache … should….. rather SHUT UP and help their mothers decide which saree to wear for their “Once in a lifetime” moment.
I am sad enough for not attending the convo… don’t make me sadder.
I also know that I spend a lot otherwise, but sorry to say that I don’t spend money to buy Malayalam CDs and I don’t spend money to go to, say Mata Amrita’s sermons…… I spend money over things that I like…. And the whole idea of making my family feel lonely is NOT SOMETHING I LIKE.
The only thing that can make me go the convo is my “Antar-atma” (since I am a Sonia fan, I always listen to my antar-atma) that wants to take the Oath with my batchmates.
Newaz.... my life is ruled by impulse, maybe the sudden urge of wearing the kala topi and kala coat may make me jump into the convo.. never know!! am a Sag :P
Oh!!! Am I desp!!!
I was sad sadder saddest.. and wasn’t going for the convo video shoot either…. But fir my “Antar-atma” took over and I went and naatakofied and happily returned with 2 papers full of non-sense that I wrote during the ‘exam scene shoot’. :p

Another thing that I ain’t likin is that some part of the stuff I wrote for the batch-slambook was in Hindi, which didn’t understand and I had told him to ask me before publishing, not once but many times, but he goes on saying that he will.. surely towards the end, he wudn’t be able to and that is really irritating coz I have been telling him for so long. I finally told him to skip me. But uske liye bhi woh raazi nahi.
Toh khair.
This is it.
Lots of blahs!!!
And the next blah would be the blah I wrote in those two sheets of paper :)

Blahing out.
Blahblahs :)

Apart Away.

                                                          Sweet love miles apart
                                                    Still unsure who walked away.
                                                          Was it you? Me? Both?

~Almas Kiran Shamim
(My first attempt at Haiku:).... Dedicated to the people who were once a part of my life.)

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Mat suno, ab aadat hai.

Bulaya tumhe, isliye nahi ki baatein karni thhi.
Par isliye ki kuchh kaam thha tumse . .
Apni khushi mei shaamil karna thha.
Apne ek dard ka marham dhundhna thha.
Tumne nahi suna iska gham nahi.
Mujhko kuchh mil na saka iska bhi gham nahi.
Shaayad meri kismat mei ab aur 'Maangna' nahi.
Shayad tumhari kismat mei ab aur 'Dena' nahi.

Bloggers Quoted- Birth of Thoughts by Athena

I have come across a blog that I have literally fallen in love with..

It so reminds me of the days I went through- missing him with every breath of mine- and writing stuff that might not make any sense to anyone, save a person madly in love.

And so, here.... after a million years is Bloggers Quoted

with a verse that left me dumbstruck by its beauty-

" I know that one day destiny will decorate my skin with kisses on my collarbone, reminding me that a smile lives right at the corner of my lips, I know it."

Here is the original post :- A Wounded Thought

Cheers to the Beauty in her Words!

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Heartfelt Thanks!

To the "Y" Chromosome

for the all pervasive stench of urine.


Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.



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