Monday, 28 March 2011

Electric Love. .


You caught my eyes and I caught yours
That oh-so beautiful morning!
Who knew we'd meet again this way
And again and again my darling.

I waited for that moment right
And then made my move baby.
Now, it's your turn to speak it out.
Dont hesitate .... I'm waiting.

It's time to leave the stress behind,
And let ourselves go crazy.
So, come to me and hold me tight,
With heartbeats that go racing.

Your eyes tell me a million things,
I bet mine too tell stories.
So do not waste a second more,
Let not the passion go fading.

Coz' you are captured in my heart
But tis me the prisoner baby.
Shackle your arms around me now,
In an embrace that sees no ending!

And this shall be our secret pact,
We'll let this flame keep burning.
Every moment- Day and Night . .
Electric Love never ceasing.


~Almas Shamim







Tuesday, 15 March 2011

To Meet and Depart...




Have you ever wondered
how strangely beautiful it is-
the way people meet and depart?

It’s like little soap bubbles- hundreds and thousands of them-
forming and disappearing like they never existed-
leaving behind their soft wetness on your palms
to remind you that yes! They did exist!
And it’s like those millions of stars in the night sky-
each one far away from the other-
and yet-
each one so near to the other…
popping into our vision somewhere between their beginning and end…
lighting up the black void, if only for a while…
and deftly merging into the sunlight- tip-toeing out of your lives-
only to subsist somewhere else in someone else’s sight.
And people are like the roads that we travel upon-
helping us move from one point in time and place to another-
giving us company for that particular distance in our life for which they were destined
and then leaving us behind or being left behind-
whatever be the case-
to show some others their way through life-
while we move on with our journey- travelling on yet other roads.
Some that we walk upon everyday…
some once in a while …
and some….once in a lifetime…
some with pits and manholes…
some with trees shading the sides….
some busy with traffic..
some solitary for life..


And isn’t it beautifully strange how people meet and depart? ?.....

~Almas Shamim








Friday, 11 March 2011

Tafarqe


“Madam is laal shalwar kameez ke 3200 rupay hain aur us kale waale ke 3500- sirf 300 rupay ka farq hai lekin agar aap kapde ko chhukar dekhengi toh ehsaas hoga ki yeh kaala kapda kitna behtar hai, kitna mulayam hai. Lijiye… dekhiye toh zaraa…”
Fayrouza ne dono kapdo ko chhua… apni gaalo se lagaya aur aankhein band kar us malmali ehsaas mein kho gayi—Pata nahi log aisa kyu karte hai. Shayad aankhein band karne se ehsaas ki kuwat badh jaati hai----…
Aankhein khuli, toh uske lab gunguna uthe---
“Jee bilkul, yeh kale rang ki shalwar kameez hi lungi main.”
“Bohot ache madam…aapke pasand ki daad deta hoon… behtareen cheez chuni hai aapne.”
Muskurahat liye, usne apna purse khola…aur 7 kadak 500 rupay ke patte nikalkar cash counter par baithe dukandar ki haathon mei de diya aur sheher ke sabse mashhoor aur mehenge dukaan se apna naya shalwar kameez ka joda le liya.
Khushi- khushi jab who dukaan ke AC ki thandak se baahar nikli toh achanak use dhoop aur garmi ki thappad lagi.
Jhallati hui who wahaan se chali aur paas mei hi apna jhhola bichhaye baithe mochi ke paas gayi. Uske naye joote toot gaye the- unhe banana tha.
“Dekho bhaiya keemti joote hain, theek se sil dena”
“Jee memsaab. Bilkul naye jaisa kar dunga”, mochi ne dhoop mein aankhein meechte hue kaha.
“Kab tak mil jayenge waapas?”
“Bass ek-do ghante mei mil jayenge.”
“EK-DO GHANTE??? Itna waqt kyu bhai?? Bas thodi si marammat hi toh karni hai.. kaun sa poora joota naya silwane ko kaha hai??”
“Jee memsaab… lekin insaan hi hu… bhukh toh lagegi na… subeh bhi nahi khaya tha…isliyee..”
“Dekho bhai… who sab baad ki baat hai. Aadhe ghante mein aaungi- tayyar rakhna… itni dhoop mein intezaar nahi hoga mujhse”
“Jee memsaab. Achhi baat”
“Kitne lagenge?”
“jee 40 rupay”….mochi ne kuchh der sochkar kaha.
“40 RUPAY?? Kya baat kar rahe ho bhai?? 40 rupay ka toh kaam nahi hai yeh.”
“Memsaab …thoda mushkil kaam hai aur aap waqt bhi nahi de rahi hai.”
“Bahaane mat banao bhaiya… Itni samajh toh mujhko bhi hai ki kya mushkil hai kya nahi….4o rupay bohot zyada hai.. kuchh kam karo.”
“Memsaab .. ghareeb hu.. yahi toh kamaai hai meri….”
“Dekho kam karke bolo”.
Jhuki aankhon ko aur jhukakar mocha ne kaha- “Chaliye 35 rupay de dijiyega.”
“25 rupay se 1 paisa zyada nahi dungi.”
Aur 3500 rupay ki shalwar kameez ka packet thhame, Fayrouza apne ghar ko chal di.

~Almas Shamim







Wednesday, 9 March 2011

I Love You






I love you. Dont break my heart. I cant take it all over again. But a heart break is certain. I wonder why is God doin this to me. You will and will and will leave me crying at the end I know. . . I'm fed up of crying. . I'm fed up of losing. . I'm fed up of leaving. But thanks to all the pain, I have come to doubt the existence of a forever. Maybe there's no 'forever'. There's just a 'this moment', then another 'this moment'. Then another. Then another. So, this moment. . I love you. And this moment. . . Please please please dont break my heart. . .


Thanks.





Of all the things told between us, the most important is the good bye. The good bye that had come so often and I had so painstakingly shoved away. The good bye that was so imperative and yet so not needed. You have taught me so much bout myself. You have shaped me actually. So much that now I really cant decide things without goin mad over it. I cant decide things without you. I dont know how to live without you. You are my handicap. You are my disability. I dont know whether to thank you or to hate you for it. I guess I should thank you . So, well. . . Thanks for everything. The good, the bad. All of it. Thanks for being hard, for being soft. For making me cry, for making me laugh. . . . Cry . . . Laugh . . . Cry . . . Laugh . . . Oh! I've cried so much so very much. And I've laughed so much. Pokemon. . . Slippers . . . Rasgulla from Hutbay. . . . Thanks for turning my life upside down. It's a beautiful view from here- watching everything ulta. Really - it looks sexy this way. Thank you for making me the most miserable person on planet Earth. Thank you for your beautiful voice - the one voice which could make everything all right - the one voice which I dont want to hear ever again. Thank you for never laughing at my jokes. Thank you for being the biggest joker ever. Thank you so much. For being my hero. For being my villain. For being my everything. My abbu, my bhaiya, my mummy. . . Thank you for being there for me thru everything- thru my sad times, thru my happy times. And then thank you for leaving me alone. All alone. To mend the mistakes that YOU had made. Thank you So much for screwing up my life. I promise I'll disappear. . . Slowly. . . I'll move so far away that you'd never get to hear of me. . . And I'll never get to hear of you. You will always be in my memory- safe and sound- coz you are the biggest lesson I've learnt in my life. And I dont want to learn this lesson ever again. I dont want your presence in my life even remotely not coz I hate you but coz I loved you so. So much that I wouldnt know how to 'not love' you. . . If you ever came back. So I'll move away, far far away that you may never come back. . . even by mistake. So that I may never get addicted to you again, even by mistake. Goodbye to my childhood. Goodbye to my adolescence. Goodbye to one of the largest chunks of my life.


I Miss You




I miss you a lot. I miss you with all my heart but I have to move on - for my own sake. I loved you a lot. I still do. And you will always remain the specialest. But, the fact remains that I am the loathed one. Loathed by you. But, you know? I love myself. So, I have to keep myself going. I have to embrace my own self and wipe my own tears. I have to smile into the mirror and keep myself busy - all so that I may not think of you - coz you have pained me. I'd never thot you could pain me so much. You, such a non-existent part of my life. In any case, you have! So much that each time you breathe, my heart breaks. I miss you. I could go on writing this again and again. You are the reason behind so many of my decisions off late. So many. And trust me I dont like any of the decisions that I've made. . . But I have to coz I have to live. You are not letting me live. Your face- it's fading away from my memory. One part of me is trying to grasp every little shred of that memory and never let go. And another part of me is trying to forget you - your name, your smile, your eyes. . Your everything. Yet another part of me isnt bothered bout memories at all. It just wants you in my life, right here, right now. But then another part of me is wise enough to realize how foolish my wish is. I miss you. I aint able to say anything more. I miss you bad. . . Though I dont really know what is it that I miss.. . . But i miss you newaz. I miss you. You. . . I wish I didnt. But I do. One day I wont. I wish that 'one day' comes soon. As of now, I miss you. And it's making my life very difficult. . . The fact that I miss you so.



This Time Around...




Here I am… falling again
Head over heels ….as I had then.
But, this time around,
It won’t be the same.
I don’t want to lose again in love’s game.
Coz this time around,
I will love but not commit.
I will expect, I will hope, but not admit.
So, this time around,
When my heart beats for you,
Not a word from my lips would give you a clue.
But, this time around,
You’ll still get to know.
My liking for you I’ll definitely show.
Coz’ this time around,
I’m weaker than before.
Even a slight tug will break me for sure.
So, this time around,
I’ll speak only to myself.
My love for you to no one will I confess.
But, this time around,
I’ll love more than ever.
In every single moment, I’ll live a ‘forever’!
Coz’ this time around,
I know what to expect.
A broken heart and tears at the end.
So this time around,
When my heart would bleed,
I wouldn’t go searching for ears that’d heed.
But, this time around,
The pain would be more.
It’d be my third failure in a row.
Coz’ this time around,
Chances are the bleakest of all.
Huh! What can I do? It’s destiny’s call.
So, this time around,
Mine would be a silent love.
No more shouting out to the skies above.
And this time around,
When the end would come,
To know and to feel it, I’d be the only one.
And this time around,
There’s not much I can do.
But relish this moment of being in love with you.



~Almas Shamim




Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah
I do not know what to tell you. Don’t you know it all?
I have reached a juncture where I am too scared of complaining to you…. Coz you might just take away all that is remaining of me. I am scared and I am tired.. and I just don’t know wat else to say.
You know Allah Paak? I have become numb to you. I hardly feel any love for you. And I cant even hate you. I get angry at you at times and then I realize the futility of it and the anger gives way to pain…. I am in so much pain my Lord… so much pain…. A pain that I can only blame you for. And yet I cant have complaints… coz aren’t there ppl in worse conditions than me?? I do not know wat to feel.. I do not know wat to say….
Actually I have so much to say.. so bloody much…. And actually I have nothing to say.. nothing at all…
Allah Paak.. I am sorry I didn’t write to you for so long. Not coz I didn’t want to.. but coz I didn’t want others to read…. Newaz… I have left too many things for him…. Leaving my blog wud only add to that…
I want to stop thinking my lord… please help me stop thinking… I want to stop feeling…. I want to stop crying.. and I want to be able to be alone…..
What have you done? And why have you done it…? You remember the ‘me’ I was?
I was such a happy person Allah paak… I cud smile thru every sadness…. I cud wipe all my tears… I cud see the silver lining of every dark cloud….. why then? Why did you shroud me in such a load of hopelessness….?
Dyu remember the posts I used to write in this very blog??? If you don’t, you can go thru them.. the ones I haven’t deleted….. read them and recall that I was so full of love.. so full of hope…I was sad.. but I was hopeful.. and I believe that no person who has hope can be sad in totality… coz isn’t hope a form of happiness??? And look at me today god… I am running away from I don’t know wat…. I am running away from the guys whom I loved…. And I am running away from the voices that I hear in my head…. And so… I am running away from myself…..
But how far can I run away from myself? Dyu remember how much I enjoyed being alone? dyu remember how much I used to write? And can you see me now? Rite now.. can you see me my lord.. can you? Can you see my tears? Dyu know how much I cry? Dyu know the reason why I cry? Dyu hear me goin and askin ppl to give me work coz if I am alone I will cry.. I will die… ? dyu see me turnin on my lap and try to write and then burst into tears??? Dyu see me talkin happily to my mummy and then slowly and steadily the tears start? Dyu see when my mother calls me up just to check that I am alive? Dyu see me tryin to study and then shut the book coz i start seeing the scenes again.. I start hearing the voices again? Dyu see my pain Allah paak? Dyu see at all? Or have you gone blind?
I have all reasons to be happy about… and yet I am not. Why? Why me god? I was such a happy person.. and I loved you so much…. Why did u take away my happiness???? There was a time wen something as small as a mustard cud make me the happiest person in the world… and now …. You give me all the riches of the seven heavens and I wud simply sit and stare… each smile is an effort allah paak… each smile….
I loved myself god… I loved myself for being so full of love…. But the only thing I want right now is to stop feeling….. I know this is a very bad prayer…. Feelings are very important…. I mean.. you know wat I mean… but god feelings are killing me…
I want you to make me a cold-hearted person so that no one will evr hurt me again….. make me cold hearted so that I might not love again.. coz each time I love.. I lose….
And the strangest part was wen I lost in spite of the fact that the guy I loved, loved me back….
It is utmost amazing allah paak…. That two ppl who loved each other cudnt be together….
I am literally fed up of loving…. Loving the men whom I love…loving my friends…loving absolute strangers….. I am fed up my lord…. Am fed up of loving…..
I am drained of love… totally….

I know that man should love….love is beautiful…. and that is precisely why I loved…. I loved with all my heart…. And you know it….. and each time I loved.. I loved with all my heart…. I gave love… I still give…. Even when I don’t get love in return….. but you know what happened in the deal????? My heart is drying up……. My heart is drying up coz of the incessant giving widout enough receiving…… I need love god….. I feel stupid sayin this but isn’t it true that all of us need love? So, well.. I need love… my heart feels like a bank account from which everyone has withdrawn money.. but there have been hardly any deposits….. and I do not want to be bankrupt……
But considering the way that u have made me… I do not think I can ‘not love’ … I mean the girl who has broken my heart the maximum number of times… is still the girl for whom I can take up fights wid the whole world…. The boy who literally tore my world apart is still the boy for whose happiness I pray…. I mean why allah paak?
Why?
Why do I fall in love so easily? With almost everyone around me? With ppl who don’t give a shit bout love? With ppl who are friends with you today and tomorrow wud turn their heads away as if they never knew you…….? With ppl who just want to talk to you to show others…..?
And why allah paak? Why was it that the only boy who genuinely loved me had to take my love for granted???????
Why???? Why? Why? Why?
I know I am getting back to the same bloody thing…. See.. this is wat I was tellin you…. I just aint able to free myself from all this…. Half of the reason is my extremely loving college……. And the other half is my own great heart…..
Maybe you gave me some supernatural loving powers…. So much that no one can ever match. No wonder I always love ppl way more than they love me.. and hence all the problems….
Whatever…..
I just don’t want to feel any pain allah paak…. No relation can flourish if both the ppl involved in the relation don’t work.
I cant bear the burden of every single relation alone…. I cant do it…. If I am killing my ego for you…. I expect you to do the same…. Not always but kabhi toh….i cant initiate each time…. I cant submit always……
I cant
……
And why? Just so that our friendship doesn’t die? For the fuck of it….. if YOU aren’t bothered bout the friendship, are u even a friend worth keeping???
I wonder.
So allah paak.. today, at this moment…. I ask of you to bless me with cold heartedness. Make me not love ppl… make me hard…… and tough… so that no one.. no one ever can hurt me… no one ever can break my heart… coz I cant take another heart break…. I cant allah paak…… and please don’t hurt my mom. I know… I nknow what you can do… to make me realize that I was blowing things out of proportion , you can take away my mom….. and then you will laugh.. and tell ki
“’ab batao kiran….now can you feel the pain? This is pain…. This is the real pain..’”
So I just want to tell ki I do realize your power… and I also realize that there are so many ppl in this world who are so sad.. and in such terrible conditions that I cant imagine…. There are children being made to work and girls who have survived rape….mothers losing their children in accidents and what not…
But Maalik… am only human… and I come to you with my own personal plea…..make me hard hearted my lord…. May the only ppl I love be my abbu mummy aapa bhaiya and my babies……stop me from loving….. god plz……………… I cant afford to spend any more love…. I need ppl to love me… and since they cant.. in the least, help me not to love…. Make my heart as cold as a stone…..make me hard hearted my lord. Please. Stop me from loving….. I cant lose again….. and to love wud mean to lose… so help me not to love…..
……
Love
Me.











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