Sunday, 19 January 2014

That Mythical Top

We are not all meant to be at the top. We must realize that. And we must realize it soon.
A lot of people keep telling me that ‘if he can do it, so can you!’
I don’t think they tell that with any intention other than the best for me, but, still.. life is about choosing which advice you want to take and which to dump.

I, very personally, do not believe that if he/she can do it, so can I; just like I don’t believe that if I can do it, so can he/she. We all have our own place in this world, our own destinations and our own paths. While there can be similarities between my path and someone else’s, they can’t be the same in totality.
Off late, there has been much talk about how a group of people (which includes me) is not as good as we could be. How, we don’t do this and we don’t do that!! It kind of started getting on to me and so I thought of sorting it out for myself.
So well, this is how I do it…

I do admit that it would be great if I could be everywhere all the time. If I could excel in everything. If I could be at The Top- that Mythical Top. But the question which arises next is- ‘Can I?’

Some wise men and women out there would be quick in giving that clich├ęd answer of ‘if you think you can, you can!’
I am too unwise to even start considering that!!!
My belief- that core belief which we all have deep down in our hearts- doesn’t really lead me into that full-of-myself approach to life. I am of those who believe that life is too short to be wasted by being busy, busy so that you can do everything, do everything so that you reach the top, reach the Top coz that is where each one of us is meant to be.

I do not like being busy. I do not like multi-tasking. I do not like being everywhere all the time. I do not like pushing myself so hard that a fall beyond the edge becomes inevitable. I do not believe in The Top.
I am a grateful person. And the only thing I seek is happiness. Happiness, to me, is all that matters. So, if for someone happiness would mean keeping your head full of appointments and events and social obligations, may God give them the happiness they seek. To me, happiness lies in the uncertainty of life, however scary that is! To me, life comes in steps- which I believe in taking one at a time.

To me, beauty lies in the self and that which surrounds us and this beauty cannot be devoured.
I repeat to those who didn’t get it the first time-

Beauty CANNOT be devoured.
Beauty can only be savoured.

So, I am ever amazed by the so-called voracious readers who can read a thousand pages novel in an hour or two. I keep claiming that I love reading, but, I have read very few books in my life. Even in the days when I used to read like a crazy devil, I believe I have never gone beyond 50 books a year. So these people, the voracious readers, amaze me! They amaze me because I wonder if I, using my personal definition, would even cal them ‘readers’ coz to me reading is taking in the beauty of the words. I have diaries full of beautiful sentences that I find while reading. I started doing it long back when I was 11. Of course, mediums have changed and I use more of word documents now, but the habit doesn’t go. When I read, I read each word as if my life depends on it. I don’t just read sentences, I also smell, hear, taste and feel them. It is only when I combine all this that I can even call it reading. I wonder if my voracious reader friends do that!! And if they do, how do they find the time for it! Coz’ I bloody don’t! I am a slow person. I savour life. Each moment of it. I am a fire girl, a Sagittarian! You can’t change that about me!

So, in all this savouring and feeling every bloody un-feelable thing, I sort of lag behind others in many ways. And trust me, I do not even consider it lagging behind! I use those words to convey the message to my friends who wouldn’t understand a language different from this! I believe in, truly believe in, quality over quantity. I would never measure my life by the number of parties I attended or the number of ‘contacts’ I made. I would always treasure that one party with a ‘huge’ group of 3 friends and that stranger I met at the airport with whom I discussed “Midnight’s Children”. And just so you know, I talk a lot to strangers. Strangers are the safest people you’ll ever meet.

I can’t be good at everything, however impossible it is to not be good at everything!! Insert*sarcasm*

And I don’t mind it. I do not want to be the best in everything, be everyone’s favourite, have everything planned, reach The Top. I love to learn, to know, to work, to act, to do my part. I have so many wishes, I can’t actually write them down here… I work to see them fulfilled. But, I work and move on. My aim is the work. Not the fulfillment of my wish. The fulfillment of the wish should always be the bonus, never the aim. The aim should always be work. The more we free ourselves from The Top, the freer we become in general- to do things we like doing- the things that matter the most- the things that make us happy!

Like I already told, we are all here to be somewhere and it is not always at that Top. If everyone becomes a CEO, there’d be no worker to work for the company. And would there be a company if there were no workers? And if there’s no company, toh kahe ka CEO?
Some of us are meant to be in that high class group, some other in the middle, yet others in that group which is neither in the middle nor at the top but somewhere in between them. And much love to those of us who are meant to be at the bottom, everything else rests on us- we are the foundation of all structures!

Life WILL take us where we are meant to reach. That is our place and we’ll find it- ‘contacts’ or no ‘contacts’.

The more we treasure each position, the better we treat people, the more just we become. If we (please count me out) believe that everyone can and should be at The Top, we somehow undermine the positions lower than The Top. We undermine the students who cannot get good marks, the girls who don’t have blemish free skin, the children who don’t win in sports. We somehow restrict beauty, success and those high end abstract nouns to the superlative in each domain. I think that is very harmful.

I will not screw myself. I will not make my life busy as hell so that I can do things which are ‘considered’ appropriate and also do things which I like doing (leaving them is out of the question!). I do not mind if I do not reach your Mythical Top. I am fine where I am. I have heard that the view from The Top is awesome! But that’s just the view of it- the real awesomeness lies right there at the Bottom! The Bottom full of its flaws. Besides, the oxygen concentration is also pretty low!

So, you go ahead and live your life your way. I will continue to be amazed at your strange ways, but, I won’t question you, never! And you can judge me all you want but I am strong enough to be unmoved by the definitions of success and smartness that you throw at me! Thanks for all your suggestions, but my life will be lived on my terms. You may take me or leave me!


Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.



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