Monday, 3 August 2015

Dead flesh

 This world runs on dead flesh. I draw this analogy from the Qur'an Paak which says that back biting is like eating the flesh of your dead brother.

Well, however, distasteful it might seem, the fact remains that a lot of what we see around us has resulted from back biting. It's the end of yet another eventful yet unfruitful day and I'm too exhausted to type everything on my mind.

I'll go back to my mummy, who is always on my mind these days (wait, THESE days? She's always been on my mind- right at the top! Though now that I have typed it, I doubt myself. Khair). So, well... mummy has had very few friends. I remember very few people who visited mummy (dost ke taur pe). One was Gupta uncle's wife. Gupta uncle is my father's best friend. They all sat together discussing everything- people, events and ideas.

But, there were two other ladies who visited us. I won't go into their details but all they spoke about was about people. Especially one of them. She is known as the BBC of our town. She went around the whole place collecting gossip and coming and telling it all to mummy. My mummy had nothing to tell these ladies except the same old property dispute, recipe, cat-stats and other unimportant things. On second thoughts, the property dispute, while mundane for us, may have been good fodder for aunty.

Whenever these aunties came home, they'd see mummy either working or reading some Islamic book. This has been how it has been since forever.

One of the aunties died, the second aunty gradually decreased her visits to our home. Just like everyone else.
I remember mummy telling me one day ki Kiran...pata hai mere zyada dost kabhi kyu nahi ban sake. Kyuki humko idhar ka baat udhar karne ka aadat nahi.

And I now realize ki bilkul sahi hai. The only reason my mummy has led such a lonely life is coz she has not gossiped. The only two close friends she had in Blair were people who gossiped. Even though they didn't get any masala news from mummy, I think they enjoyed her company coz mummy could give them that which others probably could not. Her ears, with no competition from her tongue.

So, yes. Gossip is the only thing, so it appears to me today, which can earn you friends.

Today someone who is going on a long vacation told me that one of his friends told him that in his absence, whom would the friend gossip with.

I have myself indulged in gossip with strangers nowadays. And trust me the heaviness has lifted. Not that things have improved but am a Sagittarian - an eternal optimist. You know what I mean.

I've had very few friends with whom I discussed the world. Unme se bhi ab sirf ek hi hai mere paas. Mela guddumumma.



Sunday, 2 August 2015

Nothtings

Know wat? Most of the times I really feel like writing, I am not near my laptop. I had noted down "Write in your blog" as one of the things to be done over the weekend, and that's the only reason why I'm here typing down whatever is coming to my mind. Not that I have done all the other 'to dos' in my list. But, the higher the completion rate, the better it is. Nai? And now, that I am here, I will write down a few things that have been troubling me over the past days. The most important one and that which takes away a big part of my thinking time is the huge physical distance between my parents and me. On the one hand I am reminded of my own life and all that I want out of it, on the other hand I am reminded of how a life lived only for myself is worthless. I'm not even in a place where I can make a difference to anyone's life. Everything about everything seems superficial to me right now. It's almost as if all the meaning in the world rests there at home. In the company of the people who matter most to me. And to whom I matter most. Sometimes I wonder what it is that I chase. Nothing is achievable. Not in my current work, at least. I rather drive my parents to pahaad and sit with them looking at the beautiful sky just as they did when I was a child. There's this person who is all mind and no heart. I can't be and don't even wish to be that. I want to be a little bit of everything. Everything is shallow and superficial. I have no idea where to look for depth. I want this but I also want that. And it really isn't possible. If someone asks me to close my eyes and say what it is that I desire most, it would be the happiness of my parents. Why then am I so far away from my parents? Had it been for some work which inspired me from within, I would have forgiven myself. Coz is not self love greater than all other love? But here I am doing God knows what while my parents spend lonely nights and days. Is this how it all ends? With no one by your side? People for whom you spent every little drop of your life? People who, otherwise, claim to love you so? Life could be sadder I know. But, khair.... I wish I could give you all the happiness in this big world. I love you.

Andaman Chronicle: Features

Have been publishing a few articles in Andaman Chronicle under two columns "Talking Taboos" and "Healthy Horizons". Just want to keep filing them all in here. The articles can be read under the feature section of the AC website. Features: Andaman Chronilce Will post more later.

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Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.

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