JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD

Nature Speaks...

2012-02-08T19:56:00.001+05:30

As in its own stillness does Nature celebrate its reflections,

Only in the stillness of thoughts does thinking truly resonate.

Then need restrict not the beating heart- its galloping emotions,

The ocean’s calm is perturbed not by ripples that reverberate.

As clear the water is, so perfect the image.

As if the object’s itself, in water, immersed.

The ocean can even capture the foliage,

So is the cleansed soul which captures the Universe.

The smallest flames can kill the dark.

Warring worlds too have drops of peace.

Placid oceans- their crystal spark,

Contemplate and you’ll find relief!

In ocean depths,

On mountain peaks,

Listen with care-

’Cause Nature speaks.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

P.S.- image: Dec'11, Baratang Island

The 'Trial and Error' of Life.

2012-02-01T15:36:00.000+05:30

As children we loved those colourful puzzle books with loads and loads of stuff to rack our brains over.

One of the commonest puzzles was to help some funny character help find his way through a maze.

‘Mr. Hungry Bear is as hungry as ever; help him reach the jar of honey by choosing the right path out of the three!!!’

While Sudoku is a lot of logical reasoning, these kind of maze-solving-puzzles were usually guess work and the correct answer could only be found by a ‘trial and error’ method (or so I think, if there IS a ‘logical’ way of finding out the correct option, plz do enlighten me).

I remember that I hardly, if ever, tried to find the correct path by tracing from the starting point to the destination. I usually went straight to the destination and then deftly traced my pencil down through the maze to the character, thus finding the correct path which the character could take in order to reach the whatever-or-wherever-he-was-supposed-to-reach.

Life is a lot like that. We are those stupidly funny characters and have some goal set for us and also many paths that can lead us to that goal, APPARENTLY. Still, there is only one correct path that has been designed for us. Only one path that was designed to make us reach our goal.

BUT, unlike the puzzle we solve in books, this maze in our real life cannot be solved by tracing backwards from our reward.

In life, we have to and just HAVE TO start from where we are right now and move ahead. Takin one option and then the next until we find that one which was our road to the life that we were meant to live.

The typical trial and error way.

We start on one path and move ahead with great zest and zeal only to find that it was a cul-de-sac.

And since ‘they’ say that there is always a choice, here too, we have a choice between quitting the game or starting again, this time on path B.

Lucky are the people who strike gold the very first time they strike. For others….. they have to try and try again until the correct option is found that would take us where we were meant to be.

Yes, I have not once said, that the correct path takes us where we want to be…. But, rather where we were meant to be.

Coz’, I am not of those who believe that people carve out their own future.

I am a strong believer of Destiny.

I believe that if I am standing in a room with a hundred doors opening into a hundred roads, and if I have been given the key to a single door- no matter how much I dislike the look of the door, the road that it opens into or the place that the road leads to-THAT is definitely the door that I am meant to take. Of course, I might try to push the other doors open, scream and fight, but, at the end I will and WILL end up where I …. Well….was meant to end up.

but, still, in spite of this belief, there are times when sadness creeps in like a worm eating into a fruit, destroying it. Certain times the roadblocks that we come across break us so badly that we are left with not a ray of hope.

At such times, I guess, we need to remind ourselves of the God in whose hands rests everything.

God is called an artist, a sculptor, a potter and what not…. Being the master craftsman that He is, He has crafted our life to what it was meant to be.

Each of us has a custom made life. What is best for one might not be the best for another.

Moreover, we are like those little droplets of water that go into the making of the vast ocean. Each one being what it is.

Each droplet is not an ocean.

But there is no ocean without each of these droplets put together.

Here I am reminded of a very old bookmark I’d bought; it has a beautiful quote.

“Know that all is well always. Everything is unfolding as it should.”

Words in the pic are from Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata"

On Chicken Pox, Birthday Parties and a lot of Memories!!!

2012-01-30T02:23:00.001+05:30

Today, my nephew and niece visited our home after 3 weeks…

THREE WHOLE WEEKS!!!

Actually, I had been chicken poxed and to avoid the infection, my sister’s family did not visit us for the past three weeks.

It was almost like three weeks in Hell for my mother and my sister………

Chaar dinooo kaaaaa pyaaarrrr o rabbbaaaa……..Lambiiii judaaaiiii…….Lambiiiiii judaaaaaaiiiiiiii :p :p :p

Anyway, while I did miss Aapa and the kids…. I missed some other ‘things’ much more.

Actually, the pox erupted on the night of 9th January, but, I failed to realize that these little vesicular lesions are actually and really the chicken pox which I have successfully avoided for the past 6 years, all by the grace of Allah. Throughout my college, I was exposed to the virus many times and many got infected but Alhamdulillah, I didn’t. I was scared especially coz’ I didn’t know where I’d go if I got poxed. So, well.. it was on 10th morning that I suddenly realized that Oh Oh My My Good Good GOD!!!! This is CHICKEN POX!!!

And what a perfect timing!!!! 10th January is my nephew-niece’s b’day :( and that very evening, my Aapa-Bhaiya were about to throw a BIG PARTY !!!! :(

Fiza-Faris were born on 10th Jan, 2007, when I was still in college.

Their first b’day party had been HUGE! The second one was gr8 too! But, I was…..yes,yes….still in college….

Their third and fourth b’days were celebrated at home; no real ‘party’ was organized….but, I couldn’t attend these two home-bday-celebrations either coz…..:)….. I was still in college….:P

This year they were completing FIVE, Alhamdulillah…. And they are in KG I, so they have a few special friends by now, so Aapa and Bhaiya decided to have a really big birthday bash…..

That's Fiza-Faris with their best friends- Tanveera, Priya and Anshad and also their parents- my Aapa-Bhaiya, just before they cut their b'day cakes. I dont know who the other kids are.

This would have been the first time i’d see them on their b’day.

I had been waiting (and preparing) for this day for a loooonnnggg time. I had bought their b’day gifts from Alleppey in October coz I might not get proper gifts in the tiny town of Port Blair. Aapa and I had decided what I’d wear for this b’day within days of my reaching home.

But, coz’ everything is in Allah’s hands and Allah knows best and does best, I couldn’t attend this much awaited b’day party. I aint sure if I’d still be alive next year, and if I’d be alive, whether I’d be in Blair or in mainland India…..

In any case, they wudnt be throwing a ‘party’ kind of party from now on…until the children grow up enough, so that we can invite their friends WITHOUT their parents and organize little games or maybe theme parties…..

Anyway.

The good part was that I was reeeeaaallllyyyy rrreeeeaaalllyyy upset about looking UGLY that night.

The attire we had chosen was a full length black and beautiful skirt (about which I’ve written earlier in this blog) paired with a black cardigan (coz’ I didn’t have another full sleeved plain black top and there was no chance we could find one in our little jungle town :) ); and a shockingly yellow headscarf with a yellow handbag . Now, I looked gr8 wearing all this way back in November…. But I have gained tremendous weight, doin nothing at home for the past 2-3 months…. :(

To add to my ‘beauty’, I had my driver’s test on 7th Jan and for that we had been practising for 1 whole week in tez dhoop at Attom Pahaad where the driving test is conducted….

The dhoop got me tanned so much that my complexion mixed with the sweat on my face made me look like I’d been put on a pan to be shallow fried and then forgotten there with the flame on *rolling eyes*

Given my skin’s immense power at getting tanned, it is amusing that I suffer from a de-pigmenting disease!

Anyway, a few years back, while my sister was practising ‘reversing’ the car, she got a sunstroke :( thankfully, nothing like THAT happened!

But, still; I didn’t really like what I saw in the mirror – a fat girl with all the possible shades of brown on her body, the brown-est of all being on her face, that brownest of brown face framed in the yellowest of yellow headscarves and all the other shades of brown on her body covered by the blackest of black outfits. I looked WOW!! :D

One option was to go to the parlour and get a lot of things done to my face … but I have never had a facial or a bleach in the past 24 years of my life. While I was a teen, I kept postponing that first facial to my 20s. I ‘ve now raised the bar to 30 :) I don’t really believe in one time parlour visits.

Khair!!!!

I could have changed the headscarf of course, something that went a little more "normally" with my chocolate brown face and didn't make look sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yellow headed .... but the real thing was that I just didnt want to wear that skirt.......:_( I had some other lovely head scarves that were not so terribly contrasting my skin tone and black outfit BUT..... I just didnt want to wear the skirt. :_(

I really wanted to wear a salwar kameez coz I’ve already mentioned in a previous post that this was (is) my firstest skirt and I am extremely scared of not being able to walk in skirts/sarees/lehengas kind of dresses….. so, I wanted to wear a salwar kameez which is my favouritest clothing in the world but aapa thinks that waise bhi I look like a jhalli wearing salwars, on top of that my ‘collection’ of salwar kameezes is absolutely SubhanAllah! Matlab I’d have to wear denims. And I am FED UP of wearing denims. Truly, madly, deeply FED UP.

So, the chicken pox turned out to be a boon in one way at least! ;P

But, otherwise..yes! I missed the party.

I missed the place where the party was held- Megapode Nest- where I had gone with my sister many times, but which is mostly memorable coz my sister’s engagement was held there :) I was in 8th std then.

I missed meeting the children – Anshad, Priya, Durga, Tanveera, Ananya and all of them…..

But, most of all I missed my little babies :_(

Fiza and Faris are very special for us. Of course, all children are special for their family members…. So, well… they are really special to us.

They were born after 6 yrs of marriage (which, I know, doesn’t sound much, but when u really want a baby, 6 yrs is like 60 yrs) and Aapa-Bhaiya took treatment from Apollo, Chennai. We also had an IVF failure. It was all a very painful time for my family.

However, Alhamdulillah, Aapa conceived after undergoing an ICSI…. I still remember the day when she first told me about the babies….we both had cried over the phone (coz’ like I told, I was still in college..)

It was also a complicated multiple pregnancy with both babies in Breech and Aapa having gestational diabetes and hypertension…not to forget that we are talking about an ICSI pregnancy….. My parents had stayed with Aapa for a long time in Chennai.

I also remember the day when they finally cried their first cry….

I really wanted aapa to deliver before 26th Jan, coz I was planning to combine the republic day holiday with the weekend and a few leaves to go to Chennai, but, on 10th the doctor told that we’ll have to wait a looooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggg time. I was super desp coz that meant I wudnt get to see the babies as I cudnt possibly take leave after Jan… and in my desp-ness I went to the Library and was telling my vyatha to one of my seniors, Dr. Deepankar Dhar, when I got Abbu’s call telling me that Aapa has got the pains and is being taken to the theatre for an emergency CS :) I rushed back to the hostel and was in another senior’s room, Shikha didi’s room, when Abbu called me again to say that we have a little baby boy, 45 seconds elder to a little baby girl :) :)

We had only one girl’s name confirmed- Fiza. And lots of combinations of girl-girl and girl-boy names….. also some very ridiculous boy-boy names.

[all this coz **FOETAL SEX DETERMINATION IS A PUNISHABLE CRIME IN INDIA**]

But, I was final in my choice that I’d call the boy- Faris (this epic decision was taken on 12th Jan) and uske baad bhaiya tried his level best to change the name from Faris to anything else on this planet but Muhahaha!!! ‘Faris’ ko badalna mushkil hi nahi namumkin thha *cunning laughter*

[btw, Faris means ‘a knight’ or ‘a valiant horse rider’. It also refers to Iran, but this is not the meaning we considered while naming the boy.]

So, anyway, I missed the party :(

I also missed ITF- Island Tourism Festival which is a kind of mela- nothing really ggrrraanndd!!! But, in a place like Port Blair where nothing at all happens (Alhamdulillah for that actually!!!!!), anything is a big thing….. I really wanted to go to ITF and eat and then eat some more….. :(

On 17th was my interview, which I would have missed had my ‘infectious stage’ not been over, but since I had started taking antivirals on time, I got the eruptions only until the 11th .

What else did I miss?????? Hmmmmmmm…… that’s it I think…;p

I missed a b’day party and a mela and I’m very sad about it…;p

But, I saw my babies today…. and saw their b’day pics…. And the food from the party was sent home for me (the mostest delicious-est malai kofta in the world) ….. and I got my driver’s on the 14th ….. and well….. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal :)

[image 1 - www.dodea.edu]

Opinions-The Assholes

2012-01-29T02:32:00.000+05:30

The world, especially the Internet World, is teeming with people who call themselves “Opinionated”.

Me included.

People are pretty proud in penning (typing) their “Opinions” and claiming how they don’t care about what people have to say coz’ they are sooooo “Opinionated”.

This part is cool!!!

What matters is how exactly we behave towards other “Opinionated”s.

As long as someone’s “Opinions” are the same as (or bare any resemblance to) our own, we are at peace. But, they differ for an instant and Oooopsss!!! We find ourselves at the verge of WW III.

I do, too.

But, I think that we need to reconsider what this over emphasized word actually means to us.

I now mention the meaning of ‘Opinionated’ and ‘Opinion’ from a very basic Oxford Dictionary (a REAL hard covered book, not thru Google).

OPINIONATED: (adj). assertively dogmatic in one’s views

OPINION: (n).1. a view or judgment not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.> the beliefs or views of a large number of people: the changing climate of opinion. > an estimation of quality or worth: he had a high opinion of himself. 2. Law a formal statement of reasons for a judgment given. > a barrister’s advice on the merits of a case.

I am not going into the origin of the word. Not all are interested in finding origins of words…. But if you are, you may well find out yourself.

As we see, an ‘opinion’ is just that…. An ‘opinion’. It is not a FACT. We can hardly be sure of anything being a fact.

All this world is just a maze of opinions. Now, that, again, is my opinion.

And our real understanding of the word is put to test when we come across people who don’t conform to our views of the world and beyond. To what extent do we go to change their points of view.

We do it all the time, ok- a LOT MANY times, if not always.

HERE, I think, is where we can actually learn to control ourselves.

I personally have a simple funda in this matter- if the ‘Opinion’ under scrutiny has been opined in YOUR space, you have all the rights to have the final word, coz anybody trying to give their ‘little bits of difference’ to your opinion are trying to mould you to suit themselves- which they should not, even if they consider themselves to be the most opinionated ones in the world, coz a truly ‘opinionated’ person (I know this word is being highly repeated!!!!) knows the process that goes into the ‘making of an opinion’. He/she realizes that an opinion formed has been formed by either much thinking (as in the case of a person who reverts to Islam after studying Islam) or no thinking at all (as is true with a large number of the ‘born-Muslims’). While in the first case any assertion to the contrary belief will be largely futile coz the person does have some idea of what the person is saying/doing (e.g, telling a revert to leave Islam coz it teaches violence. Any person reading about/ dwelling into religion in today’s time would have definitely come across this Islam-is-violent thing), in the second case too, too much persuasion is in vain, coz’ then we are dealing with people who are really not interested in knowing anything (e.g., a Muslim who is a Muslim just coz his father was one, telling all other religions are false without even knowing what the other religion teaches- if you try to ‘persuade’ him not to believe in anything that his family has ‘conventionally’ believed in, you’re not doing anything other than irk him).

And SO, I let people have their space. You wouldn’t find me hammering my head against the wall of someone’s opinions, if he is not coming down and hurling it at me. And SO, I’m left utterly amazed when people argue with me over some matter, whatever it be, in places as mine as my FB account or my Blog. While they are open to be read by all, I don’t really think they are anything close to a discussion forum. If I start considering ‘people’ and what they think even while writing my own blog, where exactly does ‘my own opinion’ go?

I ain’t a Shahrukh or a Kareena that my take on anything would or even should matter to anyone! Then why am I not entitled to have my opinion on something?

Do people feel that I have never opposed them anywhere coz I agree with each and everything that they have ever said or written? God! No! I just think that if you feel like THAT, cool!!! I don’t! Cooler!

But, obviously , my opinionated ‘friends’ don’t think so. For them, being opinionated means a successful conversion of the ‘opponent’s’ viewpoint.

It is one thing to disagree with me, but, it is a totally different thing to ‘argue’ with me until I accede to you. Why should I ?????

On the one hand my ‘opinionated’ friends say how ‘courageous’ they are, how ‘bold’, how ‘i-don’t-give-a-shitt-ish’ in having their opinions…. On the other hand they don’t appreciate the same ‘courage’, ‘boldness’ and ‘i-don’t-give-a-shit-ishness’ of another person!

Or are they trying to show that they are sooooo totally opinionated that they cannot stand anybody else speaking anything that goes against them????

You are then trying to encroach into someone else’s space.

You will never find me going on and on and on in someone else’s blog or someone else’s anything, to prove my point. I usually ignore ‘stuff’ that I dislike, and if I don’t, I only present my own reasons for disagreement and say a tata and leave.

But, if it’s MY blog, YOU are leaving.

If I let you have space for your opinions, I expect you to let me have mine.

I mean the very purpose behind creating these ‘spaces’ was to voice my opinions.

Respecting opinions should be mutual. I am no way going to do ALLLL the respecting here.

Of course, many might again disagree with this funda of mine.

But well…this is me!

You know “Saare jahaan se achha Hindostan humara” doesn’t mean that if a Pakistani is praising his own country I would go and ‘Pachhar maro’ there. But it means that I will not take anybody ‘pachhar maro-ing’ when I sing the praise of my own motherland.

This entire post actually popped into my head after being reminded of this old movie quote-

“Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.”

This is a wowsome comparison :p

You know these assholes… the anal apertures… are really important.

The asshole is the hole that allows waste to pass out….i should rather say ONE form of waste to pass out from the human body.

An absence of asshole can only be accepted if there is no excreta formation which in turn can occur if you don’t eat at all or maybe vomit out every thing that you eat. Both aren’t really pleasant!

“Imperforate anus” is a congenital anomaly where the affected child does not have a proper anus (maybe narrowed severely or maybe completely missing)…. He does not have an asshole. The child is then taken to a Paediatric Surgeon in order to painstakingly create an asshole for him.

In certain conditions where the lower part of the large intestine is resected, and faeces cannot be excreted the normal way, a colostomy is created, which, simply put, is a hole in the abdominal wall to let the faeces out.

The importance of assholes cannot be undermined.

And if our asshole is itching, we must try to keep it cleaner, and maybe de-worm ourselves.

And talking about the ‘stink’. Well, we should either bear it or exchange noses!

Ghosts.

2012-01-20T12:14:00.000+05:30

I do not know how good or bad an idea this is. I do not even know if this is an 'idea'. What is an idea anyway?
Ok. So I dont know how good or bad a thought this is.
I find myself 'not knowing' a lot.
And I am glad that I dont know. Coz it is only when I dont know that I'll try to know.
And as I go on 'trying to know', I'll 'not know' all the more.
All this life is nothing but raising questions and trying to find the answer to those questions.
And sometimes, NOT finding the answer to those questions.
And sometimes finding answers to questions that we never asked.
IF they CAN be called answers, that is.
Everything is so futile. And we strive for this futility.
It is not a working in vain. It is a working FOR vain.
I created a lot of trouble at home.
I fought like my life depended on fighting. But, it was only when I stopped fighting that I started living again.
I go against my own beliefs when I do certain things.
I feel that my family is making me do something that I dont want to do.
How did I feel THIS, when I claim to believe that POWER lies only in One Hands?
I would be happy if ghosts didnt scare me.
I would be happier if there were no ghosts.
But, I would be the happiest if there was no fear.

एक शमा जलाई थी...

2012-01-05T20:32:00.000+05:30

एक शमा जलाई थी,

कि कुछ उजाला हो जाए,

रास्ता थोड़ा दिखे,

कि खौफ़ मेरा मिट जाए ।

तूने तो पूरे गुलिस्तॉ मे

आग यू लगाई थी,

कि जलते हुए गुल को देख,

तपती गर्मी भी शर्माई थी ।

और मैने तो इस जहॉ मॆ,

बस एक शमा जलाई थी ।

उम्मीद की उस एक किरन से,

क्या आफ़त मैने ढाई थी ॥

~अलमास किरन शमीम

My baby.

2012-01-05T00:43:00.000+05:30

I lost my cat recently. We had gone to my sister's house and usually the cat runs home the moment he sees us alight from the car on our return. But, that fateful night, he didnt. I knew, right then, that something's wrong. We waited for a few days but we already knew that he is gone. Actually, some days prior to the day I lost my cat, my father had overheard some women at the butcher's place . . . They were looking for cats coz they have to give it for 'puja'. I think they meant sacrifice. Some guys standing around them asked if the cats 'they had already taken' werent enough, to which these women repeated their 'puja' thing.
Mummy later told that they had heard that a certain group of people kill cats and use their guts to make medicines.

We have also noticed that there are NO stray cats in our area anymore.

The thought of my baby being killed saddens me like I cant express. I wonder what he must have thought of While dying. He must have wondered why arent we there to save him.

My baby is dead. There's nothing else that I can say. I love you.

Mask Renewed

2011-12-28T22:02:00.000+05:30

This merriment of ours will never cease.

Let the champagne pour; glasses click some more.

No hindrance to the laughter or the tease.

Even if grieved heart is crushed to the core.

The winds of fallacies now blow; so I,

Have left my truth far behind me; To get

Pleasure of bodies, choking souls do die.

So, my soul now cheats, knowing no regret.

Forgiven myself have I, for the cheat.

Forgiven myself have I, for the lies.

Now for me as much for you, is the treat

Of my painted lips, my mascaraed eyes.

With my broken pieces of heart now glued,

Back again am I with my mask renewed.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

written for

Magpie Tales

Jingle Poetry at The Gooseberry Garden

One Single Impression

and Poets United

Like you were mine...

2011-12-26T21:57:00.002+05:30

Queer it is that you remain so close by

Even though you were always far away.

Queer it is that the words you never spoke

Echo around me all night and all day.

No longer can I keep my love at bay.

Crystal tear drops, now, in my eyes do shine;

I am missing you so, like you were mine.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Posted at

Meow, Anjana Anjani, Barataang and Dulheraja :)

2011-12-22T02:12:00.000+05:30

Hi :) namaste :)
ha ha :p feeling good :) Alhamdulillah :) feeling very 'ha ha ha'. . . :p
khair. .
My meow was bechara bacha phasoed on Dayalco ke board ke neeche wala chhat :( Woh toh thank god ki i had gone to close the ghar when he heard me and started meowing and i heard his Help! Help! wala meow warna toh mera jaan bacha wahi mei phasa pada rehta raat bhar. North India ka pata nai kaha mei thanda se panch panch mor log mar gaye. Yaha mei thanda toh nai hai waise. But still na. . . Fir Abbu aur hum milke jaan ko uthae. :) Rescue team :) we lowered the kambal and after dher sara failed attempts we managed to lift him up. It was difficult coz he doesnt understand Hindi na. Bichada hai woh bichada. . :p kya kade ab? :D ha ha ha!

I truly madly deeply love anjana anjani ka title track :)

Yuhi hoti hai na sabki kahani
Shuru hogi kaha kisi ne na jaani . .
Ittefaqo mei laakho mei milte hai ajnabiiiii. . .
Anjana a a a a aa
Anjani i i i i i ii
Mil gaye e e e
Toh bani i i i
Kahani i i i i ii:)

:) Waise i like many songs just coz of that one special line which drives me crazy :)
i really like Lady Gaga's Alejandro's "You know that I love you boy, hot like Mexico rejoice". . .

I love "I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me" from Lady Gaga's Paparazzi

From 'Leja leja', i totally love "Hoti hai, kuchh baatein hoti hai raaton mei, jo jaage hai jogi ya taare jaage hai raaton mei" :)
Oh, but more than that like, i love those thin waisted beauties . . . :( i could KILL for a waist like that. . . Just dont tell me to go on a diet.

My favouritest song is 'Raat ka nasha'. Usme i am in love with this line "lambi si ik raat ho, lamba sa ik din mile, bas itna sa jeena ho milan ki ghadi jab mile " :) :)

:) ha ha :) chalo Tata :) we are goin to Barataang tomorrow inshaAllah :) twelve legs :p

waha pe barasingha rehta hai ki nai mere ko nai pata. But crocodile log rehte hai :) nice na? Aapa is very excited about seeing the 'Creek'. Waise Aapa had got scared in the houseboat trip in the Kerala backwaters. She hates the houseboat ka chalak :p and bhaiya for arranging the houseboat trip. :p

Dearest Allah Paak, mere ko bas ek dulha dena jo mere ko kam se kam ek baar houseboat mei stay karwaye. . . Pileej :-))

*Happiness attack*

thank you Allah Paak :) happy ho gayi Kiran :)

Missing you

2011-12-20T23:17:00.000+05:30

I miss you.
I wouldnt say that I loved you. But, I liked you definitely.
I was your 'chulbuli imli'
You were my 'albela aam' :)
But, you were only giving me hints. I wont rely on hints. If you've got to say something, you've got to say it clearly.
I once had trusted a lot on the 'hints' someone was giving me. I built dream castles . . . And had them broken.
I have cried a lot in the past.
And I love myself a lot to let someone make me cry again. Ppl may call it cowardice. But, prevention is better than cure. I wouldnt let someone so close to my heart that it starts hurting by a mere tug.

And if I have to let you near, I need some basis for it. Some thing that makes takin the risk of hurting myself worth it.
I dont and wont rely on 'hints' anymore.

And I miss you. More than you will ever know. More than I had ever guessed I would.

The Souvenir

2011-12-19T15:57:00.000+05:30

A bouquet of days immersed in your fragrance;
Your souvenir lying on my table-top.
Time would shrivel up the flowers of memories,
The petals would droop, the scent would drop.
Leaving behind
Just a souvenir on my table-top.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Dearest Allah

2011-12-14T08:25:00.000+05:30

Dearest Allah
Yes am back to you when i am in pain.
Help me through this/out of this, whichever of the two you think is better.
I aint liking the way things are goin on in my life. Oh i agree that everythin cant go our way all the time. But then, you arent even makin me go the way it is goin.
I am scared and confused and demoralized and all those negative things, you know wat i mean. It shouldnt be. Confused is ok. Tis only after first being confused that we can clear our doubts. Well, actually, then, everything is ok. Tis only after knowing fear that we can be brave. Tis only after being demoralized that we can boost ourselves up. So thank you very much for this little period in my life. But please keep it little. Littler . . . Littlest . . . Littlestest.
I am havin this comfortable life at home with ppl who matter to me, the only ppl who matter to me. But for some reason ppl here dont understand my insufficiency. They are somehow not willing to accept that i can be weak. . . Even out and out bad at certain things. And i HAVE been tellin that for ages. Ya, i have been lucky, Alhamdulillah. It feels very stupid saying 'Alhamdulillah' when am talkin to you. But, whatever.
I do not know where i belong, i do not know what i should do, i do not know how to do that which i should do. I know absolutely nothing. But i am fine with that. Coz i have always been so. I mean i dont even know what i really want except some vague ideas of a loving husband and a happy family. But the problem is that now am livin with people who think they know everything. They think we should plan, we should know, we should blah and we should blah some more.
I am just sooo . . . Well i dont know what. I cannot plan. I dont like planning. I hate plans.
And i dont like struggling. However silly it sounds, i dont like struggling in a way that makes me unhappy. The fruits results outcome of the struggle are just stupid things to waste our happiness over. We dont even know whether we'll live that long.
But you know Allah Paak, i love my family. Or at least, i THINK i love my family. My parents, Aapa bhaiya and babies are the ONLY ppl
who matter to me. No relatives, no grandparents, no friends and even no Azhar now. So, i dont want to upset these few ppl. But obviously i upset them. Coz i am such a :( i dont know wat.
I knew that my lack of knowledge would stand on my face someday. Here comes the 'someday' and i am ready to face it. I will study inshaAllah but i aint ready to have this heavy head through days and nights. God! Not for this! ! There are things which are worth the grind. This is not it.
We work hard for something we are passionate about. Not somethin we are putting up with. Ok. I'll come to terms with my life. But i need time. Lots of time. I really cant push myself.
Is it my fault that i dont really have an ambition? ? I mean is it my fault really ?? I am just so fed up of life. You know Allah Paak, we should know that we are not doin it right in our life whenever we say this 'fed up of life'. We shouldn be fed up life. We wouldnt be fed up of life if we are doin things we like . . . If we live the life we like.
So, either make me like my life. Or change my life. Whichever is better for me. Obviously you know. You cant escape the 'knowing'.
I dont want to end up in a well like Yusuf A.S coz his father entrusted him to his brothers rather than leaving him in your protection.
You are the turner of hearts. Turn the hearts of whomever you think necessary in order to keep me happy.
Whether mine, whether my family's, Whether anybody's. If you dont believe in comin down and tellin me what to do, just make my life take me where i am supposed to be. . . in the KINDEST of ways please. Keep me happy. Keep my family. Please dont make my choices kill their happiness, please dont make their choices kill mine. Please dont make me choose between my life and my family. You must know that half of my life is my family.
I leave my life, my happiness, my family's happiness, my heart, my mind, my hopes, my dreams, my ambition to be happy, and everything else that i cant think of at the moment, in your hands.
They have always been in your hands. I just wanted you to know that i might not know anything else but THIS, i know.
Be with me.
Love.
Me.

Hindu

2011-12-13T01:36:00.000+05:30

This post will contain lots of random things that i feel, are not so random, after all.

1. When i was in Alleppey (my most beautiful Alleppey), the best part of my Sundays was reading "The Spirit" page in The New Sunday Express Magazine, that comes with the New Indian Express. I hadnt subscribed to the paper coz the English paper wala wasnt willing to deliver the paper to the paanchva manzil of A block coz there was no other 'English newspaper' subscriber from that block. So I used to patiently wait for my turn to get the Sunday magazine at ICH. . . Sometimes having as many as four coffees at a stretch. Khair. I found something very beautiful a few days back but i lost the paper before i could copy it down. Today, i read yet another thing that i like so much, i would sing if i could.

It is a short part from the Spiritology column by Sadhguru Jaggu Vasudev. The title is "Indian Culture is Spiritually Evolved". One line from my favourite part in the column reads :

"Hindu is a geographical identity; anybody who is born in the land of Indus or the civilisation that came from the banks of Indus is a Hindu."

I am totally loving it :)
ofcourse, many might not agree. And i wouldnt disagree with the reasons they present. But, i cant deny that i LOVE that sentence above.
I have written many times earlier, in this blog, on how Muslims tend to believe that Islam and Arab are synonymous. (there is a catch here though, but we can keep that for later (dont you know me yet?))
And I am completely against the Arabisation of my life.

2. Islam says that there have been many many many Prophets since Adam (A.S) who came to the world with the message of God, to lead righteous lives, to worship God and God alone but ppl instead of worshipping God, started worshipping these Prophets. Islam says that every 'people' have had Prophets sent to them. Some hadees mention the total number of Prophets to be around 1,24,000. Allah Himself mentions in the Qur'an that He has told us in the Qur'an bout certain things and hasnt told bout certain others. Islamic scholars have collected the names of the Prophets from the Qur'an, the Bible, the Torah and the Gospels (coz these books are mentioned in the Qur'an, thus authenticating them to be in the 'Word of God' category. (catch no.2)) and have found less than a hundred names. Am sorry i do not remember the exact number, But i think twas around 80.
Now am sure you'd agree that the difference between 1 lakh twenty four thousands and 80 is a bit large.
We have a LOT of missing prophets.

3. Scholars have found similarities between the Kalki Avtaar of the Hindus and the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. The Kalaki Avtaar is the last of the Hindu Dashavtaar who is yet to appear. Muslim scholars (some) claim that this Avtaar has already appeared and departed in Muhammad S.A.W. (though, there is a smaller voice claiming the awaited last Hindu Avtaar is the awaited Imam Mehdi A.S. - the last of our 12 Imams who'd be the Imam when Jesus A.S descends back on Earth for the final battle with Dajjal.)
the point here is that, if the last of the Dashavtaar can be a Prophet of Islam, why couldn the rest of the Dashavtaar have been Prophets of Islam? Dont we have approximately 1,23,900 missing Prophets?

4. Long long ago, I used to be an 'active spectator' in the Yahoo Islam Chat rooms. It was around 9/11 and the Chat rooms were teeming with Islamophobes. (havent been to one in a long time, so cannot say bout the present status). These Chat rooms had so much of anti Islam stuff that we wud wonder why are they called 'Islam chat rooms'. It was this post 9/11 Islam hatred that got me interested in religion beyond the 'lessons from the lives of our prophets' that i had been hearing from ever.
Khair, it was in these Chat rooms i noticed that Christian and Jewish abuses were usually left alone. THERE WERE some Muslims replying to them in the meanest and cheapest of ways possible BUT it always fell short. It had to. They could abuse Muhammad, we couldnt abuse Jesus, never in a thousand lives (if we ever got thousand lives, that is). They could abuse Allah-the Muslim God, we couldnt abuse 'the Christian God' coz there is no such thing. Same with the Jews.
These ppl had the immunity of being the 'People of the Book' - our Book.
The immunity which the Hindus didnt have.
And so the Chat rooms where Hindus abused Muslims got really heated up with Hindus abusing everything about Islam, and Muslims abusing everything about them including their 'multiple handed and animal headed gods'. Mind you, am not talkin about 'talks' and 'discussions' and 'debates'. Am talkin bout 'abuse'. No questions no answers. Simple hurling of abuse.

5. Forums, Chat rooms are excellent learning grounds. Same goes with the comments section under any post.

6. I dont say that all Muslims abused others. No. Obviously there were lots of peace promoting guys too . . . But, my topic here requires the 'hatred' aspect. So. . .the emphasis on the hate.

7. This is totally unrelated to the rest of the Post, writing it down just coz i was reminded of it. During our psychiatry posting we saw many patients claiming to have supernatural or rather, 'Heavenly' contacts. Amuda brought to my notice that most of the patients claimed to be possessed by , be friends with, have spoken to "Shivan" - the Destroyer. Hardly anyone we saw claimed contacts with "Krishnan"- the 'Protector' (and also one of my favouritest ppl in the world :) (even Amuda's)) Amuda told me how these patients were, in a way, claiming 'Power'.

Gotto sleep before mummy kills me. To be continue later . . In my own sweet time :)

Note to Islam haters and Almas haters- comments to this blog are closed, you may Post your hate comments under any Post in my blog 'My Islam'. All hate comments will be dutifully deleted. :)

Random.

2011-12-11T15:23:00.000+05:30

Day before yesterday, on FB, I met Rajashekhar. It felt nice to be asked bout Azhar. No one asks me nowadays.
He asked me if I remembered those days. Told me that he always wanted us to be together.
I too wanted us to be together.
I always wanted that. From before the beginning until after the end.
I love you like I love mummy, I used to tell him. You are my home.

I remember all the things that I once wanted to do in my life, still wish to do.
But, life is over - almost.

If only death was not a once in a lifetime affair. We could use it to take time out. But, then we'd have to come back to where we were to find it all the more complicated.
It's good death happens once. It's such a relief.

I always think of my parents' death. My mom too thinks of death quite a lot. Some ppl dont like talkin bout death. But, it's a fact. We'll die, all of us.
It is said that if we think of death twenty times a day, we attain the status of a martyr.
I love my mom. She is my only friend.
And God ofcourse, but God is everyone's property with each one thinking that they are his exclusive owner. Though, we keep saying that we are his slaves, what we truly believe is that we are his master. And no one else has a right to God.
And since I too am a part of 'us', lemme tell you, 'God is mine'. :)
i do not know wat i'll be doin with my life. Am feelin so alone. The people who force their children into marriage with someone they dont like, also love their children. I never deny the love of my family. But I am all alone. My only friend is my mother.
I am so alone. So alone. I know I have so many ppl. I thank God for that. I thank God for each tear. But i cant say that i aint crying. Coz i AM. I have no voice. I am dumb. I can hear. But I dont.
I am back to 8 years ago. Back to 6 years ago. I have a chance. And beyond this, i will lose all my rights to complain. But i cant stand alone. But i should. I might die at 25. I cant screw my life for 1 year. I might die at 80. Does that mean i should screw it ?
I should hear myself. I have heard too much the voices of everyone around. I am alone.
No one is ever alone.

Reminded of.

2011-12-10T00:53:00.000+05:30

I am reminded of many things. I shall write down five of the short ones here. Others can be saved for later posts coz what is a life without procrastination . . .

1. It's from Salman Rushdie's Midnights Children (Yupp, the fatwa guy). I dont remember the exact words but it talks about the Christian missionaries of those days and the Hindu converts to Christianity. The new converts asked them questions like, 'What colour is Jesus?' And the missionaries knew that white or black could sound partial
so they told 'blue'. This pleased the converts. It was easy to worship a blue Jesus after having worshipped a blue Krishna for so long.

2. In a very old Post, the first 21 reflections I think, I have written bout those things which Azhar used to say that irritated me a lot. One of them was calling Allah 'dude'. I used to think it is very disrespectful. That was during '21' reflections.

3. Advait had told me on one of our casualty nights, "Almas, if there is a girl, there is a boy."

4. Recently Advait told, "If it is my day , I'll get it."

I wouldnt write the context in which both these statements were told. I expect myself to remember.

5. This is from "City of Angels", where the surgeons are operating on a patient. . . And they are losing the patient. The lead actress (i think her name is Meg Ryan) who is a surgeon, says somethin like 'we wont lose her'. . . Somethin like that. . . Meaning they wouldnt let the patient die. And Niccage, who plays (an) Angel of Death in the movie, just stares at her with those extremely beautiful eyes and a blank look coz HE knows the patient IS going. THAT is why he is there - to take the patient away.

Days.

2011-12-09T21:20:00.000+05:30

Today was a bad day. Bad day at work. Bad day at home. But, can a day be bad?

If everything happens for good, how could a day, any day, be bad? ?
A day is just a lot of things 'happening' and if all that is happening is good, how could the day have gone bad?

It is just as in the case of memories. Memories are never bad. Same goes with experiences. Closely linked - these three. . .
Never bad.

We could only talk about the emotions they arise in us. To put them in a black or white classification, they are either 'Happy' or 'Sad'.

But, never bad.

Coz all that happens, happens for good.

Well, then, I had a sad day.

"God knew best. One rebelled at the time, but one came at last to realize that whatever happened was really for the best."
~Giant's Bread

Here.

2011-12-09T00:54:00.000+05:30

I should stop looking for that which might not even exist.
That which exists will be found.
And that which has to be found will turn up eventually - whether or not I look for it.

I should live here, right now and see that which is before my eyes.
Coz it's like a movie and the reels follow one after another. We see each image as it is screened while the reel runs.
Likewise, I should see each image of my life as it is screened.

I am tired of searching for. . . God knows what!

Maybe, really . .
"What we are looking for is what is looking."
-St. Francis

or maybe, really . . . not.

Indian Mouth and Foot Painting Artists.

2011-12-01T22:17:00.003+05:30

Assalamalaykum

How was your day pplz??? Hope it went well… I had a pretty good day, Alhamdulillah…. Did LOTS of things….. Planned much more…. And I believe that if I really try I’d be able to see all my plans through, inshaAllah. After all, god has given me everything. A loving family, a cosy home, food to eat and a whole body to make use of all the other gifts of god and live my life to the fullest.

But, would I still be so confident of myself if I didn’t have hands???

Would I still dream the dreams that I dream now???

Would I still make plans? Would I still try to LIVE and not just survive???

I do not know about myself… but I do know that in our country there are some very strong-willed people, some people who have turned into beacons and lead us to that ablaze path of passion and fervor that do not let any limitations hold them back from LIVING a life that they dream of.

I am talking about the Indian Mouth and Foot Painting Artists.

These are artists, genuine artists, who have lost their hands to disabilities, illnesses and accidents. But, they have never let their ‘loss’ affect their lives..

They have honed their talents and made themselves do that which most of us, people with hands, would consider to be an impossible task.

They have learnt and mastered to do not just all their daily chores but also the skill of drawing and painting with their mouth and feet.

Here, I would like to bring your attention to an earnest attempt of these artists to lead a decent life of dignity.

These extremely talented and zealous artists have their most beautiful paintings printed on greeting cards, book marks and gift tags…. And have put these up for sale.

Plz contribute a little part of your heart to buy their stuff and help them ‘Earn’ their living and not depend on charity.

In a world where the richest of people aren’t ashamed of begging… be it for favours, be it for votes… here is a group of real men and women, standing tall and trying to ‘EARN’ their bread….

All they need is a little support from us…

So.. plz…. These cards cost only Rs. 395/-….. just think of all the money that we spend on Coke and at eateries…. For all I know, even a decent handbag (and not a branded one) comes for around 500/-…. We can definitely share a bit of our blessings…..

Remember, a candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle…..:)

Here are two pics (I know the pics aren’t clear….. somethin wrong wid my mobile cam I guess…) of their stuff….

These are the greeting cards...

And these are bookmarks, gift tags and a print copy of a letter written by one of these artists, using his feet.

I personally like these cards a lot coz I’m a sucker for paintings…. I keep doing google image searches for beautiful paintings… just to look at the beautiful strokes of people who can create magic with brushes…. I love painting and drawing so much that though I really cant do much at it, I used to try my hand and make my own cards and gift wrapping papers…. That was a long time ago… but still I cant resist colours…. :p I recently bought lots of paints, oil pastels and even crayons to do ‘somethin’… but I really don’t know what…..

So, when I saw these paintings today… I felt my heart smiling with joy…

The flowers and leaves from these painting seem to speak to us….

I hope we can do something for ppl who sooooo want to do something for themselves….

You can visit their association’s site @

www.imfpa.co.in

you can order their products online and make online payments.

A Cheque/DD can be drawn in favour of INDIAN MOUTH & FOOT PAINTING ARTISTS.

Or you cud send a Money Order to

IMFPA, A-401 Dipti Classic,

Suren Road,

Andheri East,

Mumbai- 400093

Love always…

Yours colourfully,

Me:)

How the 24th year ended....

2011-11-29T17:06:00.001+05:30

Assalamalaykum

So… am 24 years old now, Alhamdulillah :) the last day of my 24th year wasn’t all that good…. I was just super irritated….

If u know me, u know that I sleep at …somewhat… odd timings… and I was in deep sleep when aapa rang up to call me to her home…. I told her to ‘let me sleep’ and since I never lie *batting eyelids* I really did go and sleep like a good girl.

But…. My brother-in-law… the DON… (for whom we can really throw the ‘in-law’ part in the dustbin and simply consider him my BIG BROTHER…( Hitler Bhaiya… just like the new TV serial ‘Hitler Didi’)) called up my mummy and told her that he’ll be picking me up in 1 hr.. :( :( :( …..

But since I am all of 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24 years now *cunning*… I flatly refused….with permission though ;p

and told that I’ll tell abbu to drop me :)

I then deeeeellllaaaaaayyyyyeeeeeeddd takin bath and getting ready and finally reached aapa ghar at 12:50 pm :) (though when bhaiya later asked me when had I reached , I told 12:30 *cunning*--- but I must add that I usually never lie.. *Big smile*)

There I chatted for a while with my insane sister. She had ordered curry from out… and it was “PRAWN” ka some stupid curry.

General knowledge is that I DO NOT EAT PRAWN… or crabs or lobsters or oysters or crocodiles or the Loch Ness monster.

I don’t even eat little slimy things like FISH (unless it’s a Surmai or a Taarni or a Maya)

God!!! I don’t even like Pisceans…. Little slimy fishes… (but some Pisceans are like the Surmai, taarni and Maya- if fried properly, they turn edible).

I digress.

So, I ‘saw’ the Prawn curry and had my decent, homemade, daal-chaawal-sabzi followed by a delicious pudding [made by my insane sister- yes, shez good at a lot of things :( :( :( ]

Then we saw a loser movie called ‘Mere Brother ki Dulhan’ which made me super desp…..

Btw, don’t you think Ali Zafar looks pretty chhichhora????

He’s a Paki too… I mean it’s ok if he’s a Paki….. but am sayin ki if we HAD to take a Paki….did we really have to take a chhichhora????

Agar chhichhora hi lena thha toh India ke hi kisi chhichhore ko lete yaar!!!! Agar import kar rahe hai toh thoda toh quality dekhna chaiye na????

Wats the English word for chhichhora???

Khair toh we saw that movie…. Then bhaiya came… at around 5 pm .. for lunch… on a Sunday…..

And my sister toh jaise ubalti nadi ki tarah dam ko tod ke behne lagi……:x

Bhaiya scolded me.

( u should never have a lawyer in ur house….. they blame u for everything…. I thank god that bhaiya hasn’t blamed me for the disappearance of Subhash Chandra Bose(yet)…. In all other things…. I have some or the other role…:/ )

I returned… didn’t speak to mummy abbu.. they thot I fought wid bhaiya/ aapa….

I SCREEEEAAAAMMMEEEEDDDD at them that it was Bhaiya and Aapa who fought over

‘whether or not a person wid an insane wife and two darling kids shud work on Sundays and return home for lunch at FIVE pm…’

… then I took sleeping pills (oh yes!!! I am bad!) but could not sleep (worse) so I ate half of the house’s food supplies (the worst!!!) and gladly slept….(y did I have sleeping pills damn … all I needed was a SUPER-CARB-SHOT !!!! :P)

Toh khair that was the last day of the 24th year of my life….

Btw… one of my ‘birthday traditions’ include reminiscing all the sadness of the past year and getting desp over it and crying……..

And since Alhamdulillah, my year was so fantastic :)

I just had to find a reason to get desp over :p

I might not be as insane as my sister…. But.. wel… at the end of the day… we are sisters!!! :p

Meeoww!!

Happy Birthday Sagittarians :)

2011-11-26T22:45:00.000+05:30

To all the Super Sexy people born in the Sagittarius…..

A very Happy Birthday :) (as and when it comes)

On Internet Speed and Breast Lump....

2011-11-25T03:56:00.000+05:30

Am a bit confused. A bit happy. A bit sad. But then, it’s all right. Coz’ it’s always alright. Am full of things to write in my blog (as always) and am just lazy to do it (as always).

I am goin thru bad times as far as internet is concerned….

The net speed in Andamans is just too slow. And it takes a really long time for the pages to load. Almost as long as some Hindi serials run…

If it wasn’t enough for me to be struggling to load every page on my lap… the most benevolent google disabled my account…. I cried, sulked but then thot ‘Wat the eff’ and decided to create another blog. The next day google (oh yeah!!! Most benevolent, after all) returned me my account… but as happens with me, I wasn’t to get my blog the easy way…..

After the little ‘adventure’ wid google… I was automatically logged off my account on the lap… and for some strange reason, the log in page of blogger adamantly refused to load (on my lap)… and so, I could STILL not use blogger….:( Allah knows best how many times I tried to log in …

Khair.. ek kisi shubh ghadi mein I did log in…. but coz of the fantastic speed here… am seriously missing out on some lovely blogs….

That is sad…. It is sadder wen u read the blogs but cant comment … I mean … on the whole.. it’s quite a mess…. But khair… am at peace….

Coz… I don’t really know…

Maybe coz am bak to the Islands… “MY ISLANDS” :) or maybe … I don’t knw…

But am happy Alhamdulillah!!! And that is all that matters :)

I also want to tell (to whoever cares to know) about that Breast lump that I had (knock.. knock.. remember????)

Well…. Toh that lump remained in place while I tried to catch my female surgeons to have a look at it….finally I did manage to see a ma’am… and she told me that it is probably a Fibroadenoma…. And it is better if I get it removed (by surgery of course), but if I was totally against surgery I could wait and do a self breast examination every month to see if it increases in size and accordingly opt for treatment measures….

That was precisely wat I didn’t want to hear….. :( so…. I decided not to take a chance and see my Sir….(oh yeah I didn’t want to see a male doc.. but well…..)

And sadly he too told that I needed surgery :(

I was soooo upset…. But then Alhamdulillah alaa kulli haal!! Isn’t it? :)……

Newaz… we decided that we’d get it done in the Trauma theatre, either eaaarrrllllyyyy in the morning or laaaattteeee at night….. and while sir didn’t really tell me to get an FNAC done (I had already decided that I’d do an FNAC (and btw, FNAC is Fine Needle Aspiration Cytology)), he did ask me to let him know the FNAC results and see him again before we finally fix the surgery date….

Now, I was super pissed out coz I really didn’t want to take leave coz I really really really wanted to come home soon and not get any more extensions but it wud be next to impossible to avoid a leave after a procedure on my breast… I mean … just the manual examination and the FNAC caused me enuf pain..

Besides, I was posted in Triage…. That’s a hectic posting….

And I would be alone for this procedure… AGAIN…. I had undergone a Melanocyte Transplantation (not really successful… but Alhamdulillah!) for my vitiligo in February… and I was alone then too… and I would be alone now.. and I hated it… but whatever huh!!

Above everything else was the fact that the shape of my breast would be altered….

The lump in my breast was a big one and if the whole of it had to be removed, my breast would need to be devastated….

Aapa was also pretty worried and she wanted me to wait and get it done later at some better hospital….

Now this is one lovely way of getting me mad…..”better hospital”.

I LOVE Govt. T.D. Medical College, Alleppey.

Huh!!!

Whatever…

After the FNAC….that night, besides the pain… I had this severe burning sensation in my breast…. I had no idea wat it was… but trust me, it wasn’t pleasant……I slept wid gr8 difficulty that nite…

The next evening, amidst the madness in the medicine casualty and the madness in my head over this issue, I got a call from Sir asking me if my FNAC was done…. I told him yes and he asked me to self examine the breast to see if the size of the lump has reduced.. coz sometimes these swellings are very tense cysts and wen the needle for the FNAC is inserted these cysts rupture and it feels as if there has never been a lump at all…..

I told him, I would…. And as I disconnected the call, I again got that sharp brning sensation inside…..

I really didn’t know wat was happening…

That night while examining myself… Alhamdulillah! Allahu Akbar! I saw that the lump had indeed reduced in size…. :) it was there alrite.. but considerably smaller than the HUGE Mass it had been….

I was happy.. I thanked Allah Paak… and told sir the next day :)

He told me that it must have been a cyst then…..a very very tense cyst… (and I assume the burning sensation to be the cyst rupturing…. Just a gues… didn’t confirm wid anyone)

And he told me to review after ten days :P

The FNAC results showed a ‘fibroadenoma’ but… wel…. Whatever….

I never went for the review coz I had to return home (and if you know me… you’d know exactly how badly I wanted to return home…) and if sir wud have told that a minor procedure was still needed, I’d have to change a lot of my plans…

So I thot…. Jaane do! :p

Fibrocystic Disease of the Breast….. does it have a malignant potential????

:( bloody yes!!! :(

But khair… abhi ke liye.. I has a happy :)

Alhamdulillah! :)

Khamoshi #3

2011-11-22T01:31:00.005+05:30

Sapne bhi jo tutenge ab

Toh khanak unki gunjegi;

Aandhi se ladna hoga tab

Jab siskiyaan yeh ruthengi.

Tez baarishon ki aahatein

Ab aankhon se gira karti hain;

Hoton se nikli aahein ab

Baadal garjaya karti hain.

Yeh zindagi Khamosh si, par,

Dukhti cheekhein har ore hain.

Chaaro taraf ka sannata..

Uff yeh kaisa shor hai!!

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Pic Courtesy:- Michael Vincent Manalo @ FB

P.S.- This poem is a converse of my previous two 'Khamoshi' poems.

To Bloom

2011-11-12T15:54:00.000+05:30

A desire to bloom seething within

The Rosebud- a captive of its lover,

The Shade; comforting, over-protecting,

Letting the Rosebud on its own, never.

Flowers, a many, swayed softly in the breeze

Each one beloved to a million

Frolicking butterflies and honey bees.

Making love were sunflowers, dandelions.

But, the bud, alone, fearing the sun-

So taught by the Shade- its vision narrow,

Should now break the fetters of protection.

Because every shade is someone’s shadow.

Shunning the comfort to which it was doomed.

Out in the bright sunlight, a Rose now bloomed.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

I am a Graduate :))

2011-11-11T01:58:00.001+05:30

Assalam alaykum

:) Long time (once again :P)

Sooooo…. A lott has happened over the past few weeks.

This post is entirely dedicated to one of them :)

I graduated :) :) :)

29th October, 2011 was the Graduation Day of my batch- 90th Batch (Batch 2005) of Govt. T.D.Medical College, Alleppey. Kerala

I really don’t think I’d be able to write much other than smileys…
This was the same “Convocation” bout which I’d written a lengthy post saying that I WOULDN’T be attending it at all….

Lol!!!

But, finally…. Couldn’t keep myself away from it. Though, I didn’t call my family for the ceremony, I attended and invited Ibrahim Uncle and his family for the ceremony. I stayed in their house at Alleppey for around 1 and a half months during HScy and even before that I used to visit them regularly. Actually during my first year (when I was soooo on love with MBBS)… my parents had decided to move to Kerala for my studies and we had rented a house “Manimandiram” which was just opposite “Sareena Manzil”- Rahiya aunty and Ibrahim uncle’s house.. that is how we got to know them and they had been grt help to me during my entire stay.

Newaz..

So, our Grad Day began with the ususal ceremonies…. Followed by a very grand but also very confusing dinner (from which I wanted to run away coz I was missing my own family so bad..).. then a most irritating photo session…

And then we happily went to attend the culturals….. Balabhaskar (who is a violinist) played some very beautiful music…. And there were lots of fantastic performances by our batchmates as well as juniors…..

The entire thing ended by around 2.30 am… while the guys began their “DJ” dance… :P

I also know that the way I’ve written it…. It sounds like the yuckest thing in the world and 5 yrs from now when (if) I’ll read this post of mine, I’ll curse myself like hell .. but, khair….am more worried over whether or not I’d be able to post it coz Internet is just too too slow over here….

Did you ask “Here” where???….

Here baba….

Port Blair :)

Am back home.. :)

Kerala is over for me…. Or at least ‘on hold’ for sometime:)

coz there’s no place like Kerala ….

….

…

Except the Andaman & Nicobar Islands----which are even better :)

But, more on that later…

For now…. If you are on FB.. you can see the entire Album of my Grad pics here- My FB Album

Tc all….

Will soon catch up with you all :*

Love :)

The Wedding.

2011-10-23T09:26:00.003+05:30

Standing in my princess gown,

Cutting my wedding cake.

Neck laden with jewels now,

Diamonds, rubies and jade.

Smiling masks over their faces;

Confetti falling free;

All around, of love, no traces,

But that was the very deal

All for paper-money-paper,

Only dancing to its tune.

Yeah, for paper-money-paper,

A stranger as my groom!

Killers, gamblers and drug-dealers,

Will take it all without a frown.

And I won’t mind a million girls

As long as I’ve the crown.

My beauty was all that you needed,

Paper-money all I need.

A marriage of convenience,

On paper we signed the deal.

All for paper-money-paper,

Dollars, Rupees and Pounds.

Yeah, for paper-money-paper What’s world is all about!

~Almas Kiran Shamim

submitted for One Single Impression

23 Reflections - from the same Mirror :) - Cartoons!!!

2011-10-11T19:23:00.000+05:30

Assalam alaykum

Long time! :p

Well…. Got a 24 hr off, out of which I gladly slept for ten hours and spent the rest of the time ‘taking rest’ :P

Newaz… got to join back at 8pm today. Thought of doing my ‘Reflections’ ..

This time my reflections are mostly based on the stuff I used to watch on tv as a child… and other ‘Disney’ related stuff…

so, here goes..

1. As a kid, I had a crush on Aladdin. I mean I don’t know if that can be called a crush, but, Aladdin used to be The One for me….. the whole of Disney’s Arabian Nights used to be my favourite cartoon show on tv…. Zee TV used to air “Disney Hour” at 6pm {mera mera mera merrraa Disney... I love you love you Disney Disneyyy Hooourrrrr---yeah!! That one :) } and on some days they showed Arabian Nights from 6.30 to 7….. those used to be my happiest days :) …not that I disliked Duck Tales, TaleSpin and all… it’s just that, like I told, I had a crush on Aaddin…..:p

2. Even while playing video game (the video game of our generation….) my favourite was Aladdin. There was this one stage where I always used to get stuck…. There’d be no guards around, no other harmful stuff… but I just couldn’t get Aladdin out of it into the next stage. Still, this was one of the few games I used to absolutely love playing. I (playing for Aladdin)did reach the next stage twice or thrice, which had a big desert with poisonous flying snakes…., but to date I don’t know HOW I reached this new stage…..but, all the three times I died within five minutes coz I had spent too much energy trying to clear the previous stage.. :( :(

3. The other video game I totally loved was “Ninja Turtles” :) :P and I always used to play ‘alone in TWO PLAYER games’… ha ha ha!!!! That meant I was never defeated :p I ALWAYS chose two player games and defeated the second player (which did not exist!) ….

The Shredder was my favourite pic each time.. :p for those of you who don’t know this exalted being, The Shredder is the villain of the ‘Ninja Turtles’ series… he is a BAD GUY. :p buuuut… he is absolutely fantastic…. I loved that thing which he could do with his hands (literally SHRED the opponent)…raise the stupid turtles with his hand, swirling them and then throwing them on the ground…..and then doing that ‘punching the air’ move…. Ooooohhhh!!!!

I loves it :P

The few times I did play against the CPU (in single player games), I lost most of the times… and if I did win (which was very very rare)… I almost went crazy with happiness :P

4. Yet another video game I liked was Contra…. And I remember my childhood friend and neighbor, Vincent James, and I used to play this game whenever he came to my place for any reason… we both had that ‘exchanging game cds’ thing between us….. you give me your thhhaaatttt cd and I will give you my thissss cd for soooo many days.. :p

5. I loved video game, in general. Given that I didn’t have many friends around my house to play with, I spent a lot of time on video games.. :p

6. Coming back to Disney, I love Ariel, for obvious reasons….. :p she is a mermaid… and that is my handle for the past 6-7 years now…. ‘Jalpari’ means mermaid.. the reason I chose this profile name was coz I used to get recurrent dreams of mermaids… many a times I have seen myself as a mermaid….

Though, I haven’t seen a mermaid in my dreams for a long time now, ‘water’ is still a dominant element in my dreams. :)

7. Ariel, I think is a much better princess than most other Disney princesses. (and I ain’t saying this just coz of the mermaid connection I feel towards her). She is such a free spirit, such a lovely little ‘girl-fish’ full of life….she is naughty and yet not bad. She loves her father- disobeys him in her naughtiness? Yes!- but makes up for it, always. She breaks rules in an innocent way. And most importantly, she dares to love a ‘human-man’ (in the movie)… she’s not scared of losing her life as a mermaid. She’s not scared of breaking norms….. she dares to love. I like her… I really do believe that ppl should ‘dare to love’….. I believe I naughtiness. I believe in mischief. And I believe in laughing and fooling around. And I believe in courage. Ariel has alllllll this. :) am glad she is a mermaid- Jalpari :)

8. The only Disney Princess who can beat Ariel, I think, is Pocahontas. I haven’t seen the movie, nor seen any part of the cartoon. But, I HAVE read about her. It’s loosely based on a real life Princess in America. Pocahontas is brave… a girl who lives for a cause, who is spiritual, who can speak and understand languages that normal people cant, she is brave and strong and free spirited… and has a mind of her own…. I like this character. It’s a very ideal one….. this is the kind of person I strive to be. Brave. Courageous. Free. Good. :) not to forget…. She is NOT WHITE. :p and I am so so so NOT WHITE :) :) ha ha !! racist me!!!! :P

9. I don’t like most of the other Princesses. Find them quite sissy…. Cinderella, though considered oh-so-beautiful, is quite a rondu person. What is the English for rondu????? Huh!!! Whatever! Snow white, another idiot. All of them… pretty little idiots….. line se khada kar ke thhappad marna sabko…..:x

10. I love the name ‘Anastasia’. It is of Greek origin and means ‘Resurrection’. There was a Nurse in ward 4….. and she has a daughter named ‘Cinderella’. She was expecting another baby and we were thinking of a nice name for the kid…. If a boy, I suggested the name ‘Ivan’…. And if a girl, ‘Anastasia’….. she told she likes the name but many might mistake the name to be ‘Anaesthesia’…. :( given that we work in a medical setup….so, we were really hoping for a baby boy, coz naming wud be easy….however, she had a beautiful baby girl on 22nd July… she was finally named Angel. (in India- sex determination of the foetus is a punishable crime)

11. My sister calls me Uncle Scrooge, coz I have a natural pout. Super pout to be precise. She thinks, it makes me look like Uncle Scrooge.

12. There’s a Twitter Stream "disneywords" ……..it’s one of the loveliest streams on Twitter :)

13. If only we care to look, a lot of things that the Disney characters say have such deep meaning. Sounds silly if taken literally. But if only you look with eyes that can see, they are treasures of wisdom. :)

14. I lovesssss Popeye :P I have popeye slam book, popeye keychains, popeye this.. popeye that…. *pooo poooo*

15. Tom and Jerry is the bestest of the bestests things to have ever been created in the history of mankind. *No arguments*

16. Back to video games, it is sad that there are so many FB pages dedicated to Mario…. But not so many for Luigi….. :( I mean…. Whyyyyy???

17. Among the Indian cartoons…. Who is taller than cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha chaaa cha cha cha cha cha cha chaa chaaa chaaaaaa…

“CHACHA CHOWDHURY” :) :)

*Slaps* if you answered ‘Sabu’.

18. The Jupiter guy, Sabu, and Chacha Chowdhury were the bestest comics in my life….bestesttttttttttttttttttttttttttt … and the little asterisk (*) saying “Chacha chowdhury ka dimaah computer se bhi tez chalta hain” :P ROFLOL!!!

19. And how can we forget Pinky, Billu, Anderam Danderam…… and the varrrriiiiioouuusssss ‘fighter comics’ --- Naagraaj, Angara….. and this and that….

20. My favourite among these ‘male-idiots-oriented-comics’ was Angara….he always had a gun, and an eagle. I don’t remember the name of his eagle. He looked ooohh!! He wore a bandana and no shirt :P I used to get these ‘violent comics’ from my father’s best friend’s sons---- Rajesh and Kamal…. They were two of my childhood buddies… [almost all my shildhood buddies were boys…I used to sooooo want girl friends…:( ]

21. And the Tinkle comics characters----Suppandi, Kalia-the Crow, Doob doob, chamataka, Tantri- the Mantri, Hodja, Ramu and Shyamu, Shikari Shambhu >>>>>>>>>>> *teary eyes* :_)

22. One of my biggest desires in life is to watch all the Disney Movies….. alllllllllllllll of themmmmmmmm :)

23. Ending on a very very boastful note…

Walt Disney’s zodiac is Sagittarius….. :p :p :p

You know Sagittrius?????

THE SAGITTARIUS :) *dancing*

Lots of love until I get back to proper blogging and reading the lovely blogs I have missed out.

P.S- for those of you who are new to my blog, 23 reflections are simple 23 things about me…. The number changes with my age. This could probably be my last 23 Reflections….. if I live to see that day, inshaAllah, am turning 24 on Nov 28 :) and then it’d be 24 reflections. :)\

Allah hafiz

Busy Bee Me :)

2011-10-05T06:06:00.000+05:30

Assalam alaykum pplz :)

Long time….

Well… hadn’t been able to post anything for long coz of a sudden lack of time in my schedule… and probably the same trend would go on for a few more days……mmmmm like 30 days :P

The reason is that I am about to finish my internship (23 days more, inshaAllah) after which I have a HUGE load of packing to do (stuff of 6 yrs in Kerala). There are no real Packers and movers that have a centre in my far-off island (plz check a map of India for Andaman and Nicobar Islands to know exactly how far we are from the Indian mainland), so I’ll have to send the things thru TCI and they DO NOT pack things up…that means I have to actually arrange for the cartons and gunny bags and everything and do it all by myself.. :/ plus, all the paper work.. the completions from the various departments, the certificates and blah blah…. All this will take up a lot of time…

Things would have been better if I had some other posting but I’m beginning my Triage posting from today. And basically, we are posted in the Medicine casualty and trust me, this is not the place you’d like to be towards the very end of your course…. That means, I would struggle to even find time to breathe during these 15 days (*exaggerated*), let alone get my completion etc….that means I have to keep in hand a few more days after the 23 days of posting that remain, to be able to declare myself a free bird….

Am sleepy..

I need to sleep

Got 48 hrs duty today…starting at 8am….

Lol!! I was about to venture into a 120 hrs shift *applause*… but better sense prevailed and I shouted out for help *double applause* and after a little bit of adjustments made with the other two HS who are posted in Triage with me, I have settled for 48 hrs straight, followed by two night shifts….hopefully, all this doesn’t leave me drained out…..

So, ya… gotto sleep….

Allah hafiz

Breast Lump :/

2011-09-29T17:14:00.002+05:30

Assalam alaykum

I have felt a lump in my right breast.

My friend, Amuda, told me that probably my palpatory method was wrong. So, I palpated again and yes, by all means, there’s a lump in my right breast. I do not have any wish or the courage to examine my own breast lump the way we have examined God-knows-how-many patients. However, I do know that it is painless, firm in consistency and pretty big :(

Mummy is really worried about it, especially coz recently a family member has gone thru the pains of a mastectomy, radio and chemo. Am worried too, but strangely, after the initial ‘fear’ crying, the major thing that’s upsetting me is the chance of getting an extension. I have 29 more working days of my internship, but, if I need to get myself investigated (and hopefully not – treated), I’ll need to take leave and do extension later… something that I so totally don’t want.

Newaz…

Aish and Amu have reassured me that I am not in the age group of carcinoma, so, it’s ok. But, am still worried… coz’ like I told, a close relative is struggling with post-mastec chemo.

And my body is full of moles and naevi- which are considered pre malignant lesions. Also, I suffer from vitiligo, which is an autoimmune disease.

So.. well….am a BIT worried, if not frankly scared.

I will have to see a surgeon -there are only two female surgeons in my hospital- one is a JR, one is an SR…. I think I’ll show the JR… I have worked with her. I was the HS in the same unit as her’s during my Surgery posting.

I might need to do an FNAC… though I really hope that it is nothing.. I mean nothing at all… and I don’t even get to need an FNAC……

In any case, Alhamdulillah alaa kulli haal

Praise the Lord under all circumstances…

On a happier note, I finally gave the cloth material to the tailor to get sleeves stitched – to be worn with tops, tees and kurtis which don’t cover my arms and forearms fully. I also bought a long and flowy black skirt… I don’t wear skirts…. Nor do I wear sarees. Coz of my morbid fear of tripping over :/
newaz... i've got one now... let's see if i trip over and fall. :p

But, I’d be able to wear this skirt only in air-conditioned places…

Otherwise I run the risk of making omelettes out of the eggs in my ovaries :/

Well….

Also read why I think Radiologists are The Gypsy Doctors in my other blog. :)

Allah hafiz

Together, in the Rain.

2011-09-27T20:36:00.002+05:30

Hand-in-hand and Heart-in-heart, together

We set off for our lovely evening walk.

Soft breeze blowing, Sun setting in splendour

Why then, was he so hesitant to talk?

Feathery clouds grew heavier, darkened,

Perturbed; foreseeing some impending doom.

Enshrouding curses did darkness descend.

He faced me then with an aura of gloom.

Shattering the silence came words painful,

Numbing; relentless, deep stabs on my heart.

The skies now roared, enraged at the dreadful;

Burning cold drops now ripped my skin apart.

Hand dropped, heart blazed; I stood to be devoured

By grief; and now the rain recklessly poured.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

P.S- This is my first attempt at writing a sonnet :)

Written for

Poets United

and

Magpie Tales

also, a part of the Theme Writing- "Rains- Baarish"

Jihadi Jew and his G--D...

2011-09-27T07:34:00.000+05:30

There must be hundreds of religions in the world…. How many of them do we really know about??

Well…. Speaking for myself and myself alone, it must be possible to know only those religions to any extent which are really AROUND us.

Am a Muslim, Alhamdulillah! So, obviously I’d know something, at least something, about Islam. Being an Indian, surrounded by Hindus…. I’d know something about Hinduism too. And studying in a Catholic institution for 14 yrs, Christianity too would be somewhat familiar….

However, one religion which every Muslim SHOULD come in contact with has been extra-terrestrial to me…..

And hence, ppl belonging to that religion have also been aliens….

Am talking about Judaism and Jews.

Given the ‘tap-tap-tapakta pyaar’ between Jews and Muslims, it is obvious that the huge geographical distance is only increased because of the 'not-knowing'…

I have never known a Jew in my almost-24 years of life.

The closest I got to Jews was when I went to that little ‘Jewish Town’, a small township in Kochi, Kerala….Azhar and I wanted to visit the synagogue there but, unfortunately, it was a Saturday, and we didn’t know that the synagogue is closed for outsiders on Saturdays. We ended up visiting the St. Francis Church… and got seriously pissed off at the sight of foreigners entering the church with their shoes on…..(culture!!! *rolling eyes*)

Last I heard, there are less than 10 pure Jews remaining in Kochi.

So, obviously… I had no idea about Jews other than the fact that they kill Muslims. (and Muslims try hard to kill them… and finally end up killing… more Muslims :/) I have never hated Judaism as such, nor Jews… but, yes….i have never liked them either.

It’s very difficult to like any people without being in contact with them. Hindus, I know tooooooo many…. And I know there are good and bad people among them, just like there are among Muslims…

Forget about Christians. I believe, the best people in the world are all Christians…

But, knowing Jews only through newspapers and internet sites, i couldn’t really have any opinion about them.

[Change of scene]

All my life… or rather much of it, I have hated Pakistan and Pakistanis. Not like I’d go on my own and start a fight.. but, ya!!! Speak a word against India and you’ll have it!!!!

Recently, a certain incident (about which I’ll mention later) made me re-assess my hatred….. it really had no basis….

Coz at the end, what am I getting in return ??? nothing!!! Maybe some more hatred, some pity and some loath. What else???

I decided to stop hating Pakistanis for whatever non-sense they say… yes, non-sense it IS to me… but, I no longer wanted to hate them for it…. Coz well…. What I say must be equally non-sense to them.

Then I read this poem in Sadia's "Diary of a Muslimah"…. And I decided to try and defeat hatred on all fronts…. Not that I hate anyone else (I was an exclusive Pak hater :P) but still… to try to reduce the negativity in me…..

It was in this ‘striving to beat hatred’ state of mind that I came across a Twitter profile-

“JihadiJew”

[change of scene]

JihadiJew is the Twitter handle of a Jewish guy, Lee Weissman ,who lives in America….

And… he does NOT hate Islam.

Reading his tweets made me feel really nice… he is a true Jihadi… and Jihad, btw, is a struggle… (not equal to suicide bombing!)

One of his posts spoke of how similar Ramzaan is to the Jewish custom of fasting.

Not that I didn’t know about it earlier. I obviously did. Judaism is the first of the three Abrahamic religions and I know it well that Islam is an extrapolated version of the same religion that was…. It is a core belief of Islam…. Without believing in this fact, you are not a Muslim.

But, hearing (reading) it from a Jew made all the difference.

Another of his tweets mentioned how, while travelling, he sits beside the most conservative looking Muslim (I guess he meant the beard, the attire and all) so that they get the ‘stares’ together.. :P (he is a bearded Jew)

I know this only too well… coz ‘appearing’ Muslim is not very accepted in today’s world. I still remember, the first day I wore the headscarf, two of my friends, both Muslims, were behaving in the worst of ways…. They went to the limit of saying that they won’t walk with me and if someone asks them who I was, they’d say that they don’t know me (all this was told with a big smile on their face…. But some smiles are only used as a buffer to say the cruelest of things).

His tweets also show that he receives hate mails from Jews coz apparently; he had mentioned somewhere that the G-D of the Jews is the same as the Muslim’s Allah.

If he had indeed told it, my respect for him would increase all the more coz what do I believe in more than the proclamation that God is One?

I cannot understand how can there possibly be a Jewish God and a Muslim God…. If there is a God, He is One and the Same for all…..

I had written something similar in an article titled AllahHafiz vs Khuda Hafiz….. where I had mentioned that Allah, God, Bhagwaan are all the same. That article was published at TwoCircles.net , following which I, too, had received some negative comments.

He was also the character witness of one of the Irvine 11 brothers. He told this in a reply to one of my tweets to him. I was, obviously, sad that the Irvine 11 had been found guilty. Their crime comes down to voicing their opposition to the Israeli war crimes. [Read about The Irvine 11 ]

Regarding this matter, JihadiJew tweeted that the Irvine 11’s opposition was ‘normal, if not wise’.

As soon as I read ‘if not wise’ the evil in me jumped saying that

“Lookkkk what the Jew is saying… it was an unwise thing to do…”

I quickly had to remind myself, that this same Jew has also shown concern about the impact this would have on the life of the boys and that this same Jew was actually saying that there shouldn’t have been a trial at all…

He wasn’t calling it ‘unwise’ in a wrong way…..

And assuming that he did favour the Israeli war crimes…. I need to remind myself that a person can put himself in another person’s shoes only so much…. Beyond which if he wants to continue wearing those shoes, he’ll actually have to transform into that other person.

So, I need to like people for the good they show and not disregard their goodness by a slight show of something that is not in accordance with my wishes.

It is just like someone telling me that since I have told that I believe in One God, I should start worshipping the idols they worship, coz THAT is what they worship.

At one point, we all NEED to respect the differences and the hatred too.

We need to realize that he (someone) is he coz that’s what he really is…. and though he is what he is, he respects you- THAT is the real respect.

So, I thank Jihadi Jew for the goodness he shows towards my religion- the most tainted religion of the world.

And I thank God that the very first Jew whom I spoke (tweeted) to was a man who loved Him and yet didn’t hate me. This first Jew, and maybe, the only Jew in my life, believes that we both worship the same God. In a world which goes on talking about how bad the Muslim Allah is …. JihadiJew is a person who accepts GOD to be GOD, and all GOD to be THAT ONE GOD. He is a beautiful person indeed!

And a year or two ago I had read somewhere, at huffingtonpost’s site, I guess, that every American should have a Muslim friend so that they come to know that Muslims are as normal as they are...--- that is the gist.

The unknown is what causes fear, and this fear fives rise to hatred.

If only we tried to know, we might just stop hating.

And on that note, a little thing that I learnt about Jewish customs-

they have a tradition that God’s name shouldn’t be taken too casually, and so, they type G-D for God… to bring in the ‘awareness’… this, I found pretty intriguing. The concept of being ‘aware’ of God.

Personally speaking, I believe God is the most casual entity. He is ours. We are His. Then what’s the formality??? Still!!! He’s the Master and we are the slave….and if that be the case, a little pause, a little shift of the keys while typing ‘G-D’ does make us linger a slightly longer at GOD. Makes us a wee bit more aware of Him.

That’s it…

Allahu Akbar!

G-D is the greatest!

P.S.-Today, i'd leave you with an older article in this blog, Allahhafiz vs Khudahafiz, the original piece that I had written for my blog, before it was edited.

Allah hafiz.

Amuse Me

2011-09-25T11:29:00.002+05:30

I stand right here, at this point of your life,

In my glorious darkness and power,

To cradle you in my widespread arms; I

Await your final turn round the corner.

How busy you seem building mansions and

Hoarding wealth for years that go beyond me;

Desires abound, struggles incessant,

You seem so oblivious of my being.

So, you go on with your love, strife, hatred,

Deceit; at the end, the Truth will be seen.

You dream of success, high status and fame

Though you know it’s all just an illusion.

Endless moves have you planned for your life’s game,

All will cease with my sudden intrusion.

Of all things sure I am the surest; you

Know it only too well. Yes, certainly!

Still you dream of flying across skies blue

Fragile wings; while here, I wait silently.

And since you are preoccupied with my

Denial; pray, keep going, Amuse me!

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Written for
One Single Impression

and

Poets United .

The Convocation

2011-09-23T23:39:00.000+05:30

Certain days are soooo sad, you know. So sad matlab ufffff wala so sad.
I guess, am feeling so troubled just coz am trying so bad to go home at the earliest. I am seriously not the struggling types… I need to relax and just let things be… I mean possibly cant make me work for more than 18 days. I just hope lets me start from 20th itself…. And I also hope lets me do it in ambalapuzha instead of chettikadu. There is no airtel network there…. But agar doesn’t agree toh I wudnt have an option.

I am also pretty worried over my Triage posting. We are three Housies and that means we would have cycles of 24 hrs duty and 12 hours off.. which, I think, will be really hectic. And that is another reason why am so worked up… coz that is the time when I would really need time … for packing shacking and all that and all that… but, Newaz….. the only good part is that at the end, it will end.

Am also sad coz I will not be participating in the Convocation. I aint inviting my parents. And I have no wish to be there alone. I had thought of calling Azhar over. But, we both are not worth each other. So, that leaves me with two options-
1. Not attending the convo and feeling sad coz I wasn’t with my batch which, anyways, will forget me in a matter of days (i.e., if they remember me now).
2. Attending the convo all alone and looking at everybody with their families and feeling sad.

I think I should go for option 1.

I do realize that I am lucky that I HAVE a family. There might be so many in this world who don’t have a family at all. There are orphans doing graduation and for their convo they might invite their uncles and aunties, which is cool in itself, but still, somewhere deep in their hearts, they might, just MIGHT, wish their parents were with them. My mummy was an orphan. She had a big family and stuff, but, still.. she was an orphan…. If she had parents, I don’t think they would have got her married to someone from a jungle,…..from Calcutta to Port Blair.
I digress.
So, I mean ki I am doing all this naatak just coz I have someone to call Mummy and someone to call Abbu.
Maybe, I don’t know.
They are ready to come, btw. But I really don’t think it is worth it. I mean if we keep a minimum of RS. 10,000 from Port Blair to Alleppey, it makes Rs. 40,000 for my parents’ to and fro tickets plus the stay and food. Let’s add another Rs. 10,000 to it.

I really do not think that we should be spending 50 grands to get my old parents to travel (something they never do) only to hear Malayalam speeches and sit like statues throughout the function, coz they don’t speak Malayalam and will not be able to converse with others’ parents, and eat do dana from the grand (hopefully) dinner and retire to the hotel room coz by then the Y chromosomes will have started their talli dance.
To be noted here is that I will have to take leave if my parents come over and that would only mean more days with God’s countrymen, something am not really looking forward to. Then there can come the twist in the tale where my parents, instead of returning home like sane-headed people, can get all senti bout me having to do all the shifting thing alone and decide to stay back in the Country that God is accused to belong to, and that would mean me going and staying with them in the hotel room in the evenings… something that will only hamper the packing and shifting process. Not to mention, the expenses of staying in hotels. And I also don’t know what on earth would they do the whole day.
The other thing, of course, is that they can happily return home the next day. That would mean 50 grands for 2 days. :) :) wow!! I wish I was that rich.
But I am not :x :x :x :x

So the people who are telling me to spend such a lot of money to “experience the joy of getting the DEGREE (without even completing the course!!!!) in front of my parents” ….. when all they have to do is spend a few hundred rupees for filling their vandis’ tanks with petrol and maybe a little more to buy Moov for local application on the arms of their fathers/brothers/whoever after the long-drive-ache … should….. rather SHUT UP and help their mothers decide which saree to wear for their “Once in a lifetime” moment.
I am sad enough for not attending the convo… don’t make me sadder.
I also know that I spend a lot otherwise, but sorry to say that I don’t spend money to buy Malayalam CDs and I don’t spend money to go to, say Mata Amrita’s sermons…… I spend money over things that I like…. And the whole idea of making my family feel lonely is NOT SOMETHING I LIKE.
The only thing that can make me go the convo is my “Antar-atma” (since I am a Sonia fan, I always listen to my antar-atma) that wants to take the Oath with my batchmates.
Newaz.... my life is ruled by impulse, maybe the sudden urge of wearing the kala topi and kala coat may make me jump into the convo.. never know!! am a Sag :P
Oh!!! Am I desp!!!
I was sad sadder saddest.. and wasn’t going for the convo video shoot either…. But fir my “Antar-atma” took over and I went and naatakofied and happily returned with 2 papers full of non-sense that I wrote during the ‘exam scene shoot’. :p

Another thing that I ain’t likin is that some part of the stuff I wrote for the batch-slambook was in Hindi, which didn’t understand and I had told him to ask me before publishing, not once but many times, but he goes on saying that he will.. surely towards the end, he wudn’t be able to and that is really irritating coz I have been telling him for so long. I finally told him to skip me. But uske liye bhi woh raazi nahi.
Toh khair.
This is it.
Lots of blahs!!!
And the next blah would be the blah I wrote in those two sheets of paper :)

Blahing out.
Blahblahs :)

Apart Away.

2011-09-23T13:36:00.002+05:30

Sweet love miles apart

Still unsure who walked away.

Was it you? Me? Both?

~Almas Kiran Shamim

(My first attempt at Haiku:).... Dedicated to the people who were once a part of my life.)

Mat suno, ab aadat hai.

2011-09-22T22:14:00.001+05:30

Bulaya tumhe, isliye nahi ki baatein karni thhi.
Par isliye ki kuchh kaam thha tumse . .
Apni khushi mei shaamil karna thha.
Apne ek dard ka marham dhundhna thha.
Tumne nahi suna iska gham nahi.
Mujhko kuchh mil na saka iska bhi gham nahi.
Shaayad meri kismat mei ab aur 'Maangna' nahi.
Shayad tumhari kismat mei ab aur 'Dena' nahi.

Bloggers Quoted- Birth of Thoughts by Athena

2011-09-22T17:09:00.001+05:30

I have come across a blog that I have literally fallen in love with..

Birth of Thoughts by Athena

It so reminds me of the days I went through- missing him with every breath of mine- and writing stuff that might not make any sense to anyone, save a person madly in love.

And so, here.... after a million years is Bloggers Quoted

with a verse that left me dumbstruck by its beauty-

" I know that one day destiny will decorate my skin with kisses on my collarbone, reminding me that a smile lives right at the corner of my lips, I know it."

Here is the original post :- A Wounded Thought

Cheers to the Beauty in her Words!

Heartfelt Thanks!

2011-09-20T21:13:00.000+05:30

To the "Y" Chromosome

for the all pervasive stench of urine.

Beautiful lyrics - Chalo ik baar phir se. .

2011-09-20T18:52:00.000+05:30

Chalo ik baar phir se ajnabi ban jaye hum dono
Na main tumse koi ummeed rakhun dilnawaazi ki
Na tum meri taraf dekho galat andaaz nazron se

Tumko bhi koi uljhan rokti hai peshkadmi se
Mujhe bhi log kehte hai ki yeh jalwe paraaye hain
Mere humraah bhi ruswaaiyaan hain mere maajhi ki
Tumhare sath bhi guzri hui raaton ke saaye hain. . .
Chalo. . .

Taarruf rog ho jaye toh usko bhoolna behtar
Talluk bojh ban jaye toh usko todna achha
Woh afsana jise anjaam tak lana na ho mumkin
Use ek khoobsoorat mod dekar chhodna achha
Chalo . .

Lyrics by Sahir Ludhianvi .

The Bhagavad Gita 2:52-53

2011-09-19T20:31:00.000+05:30

A very sad few days filled with confusion....With people telling me to prepare for the PG Entrance or to attend the convocation or love will eventually happen after marriage or whatever.....

Today, I was on leave and spent the whole day sleeping.

Both my roomies are here today and one of them has a "Bhagavad Gita" android application in her cel and being the 'Gita-lover' that I am, couldnt resist peeping into it....

I ended up being more confused than I was, though, this time the reason behind the confusion was a bit more universal than my life's personal problems....

The only answer that Aish could provide for my questions was 'That's the way it is'.

I also noticed that Amuda has changed the 'whatever-you-call-it' in her cel from 'OHM' to 'SHIVA'.....this came within days of my telling her that I really love 'OHM'. . . coz 'OHM' is the Allah whom I worship.

In any case, here I would only like to share my most favourite verse in The Gita.

This somehow sums up all that God has ever said to man....

                                            "When thy mind leaves behind its dark forest of delusion,
Thou shalt go beyond the scriptures of times past and still                       to come.

When thy mind, that may be wavering in the contradictions of                       many scriptures,
Shall rest unshaken in divine contemplation,
Then the goal of Yoga is thine."

~The Bhagavad Gita

Verses 2:52-53

(Juan Mascaro translation- the one that I have)

The same Verses by another translator :-

"When your soul passes beyond delusion’s turbid quicksands,
Then will you learn disgust for what may yet be heard.
When your soul, by scripture once bewildered,
Stands motionless and still, immovable in ecstasy,
Then you will attain to sameness-and-indifference (yoga)."
R.C. Zaehner, The Bhagavad-Gita 2:52-53

And one more:

"When your intellect will completely pierce the veil of confusion,
Then you will become indifferent to what has been heard and what is to be heard (from the scriptures). (2.52)
When your intellect, that is confused by the conflicting opinions and the ritualistic doctrine of the Vedas, shall stay steady and firm on concentration of the Absolute (or the Supreme ),
Then you shall attain the union with the Supreme in Samadhi. (2.53)"
Dr. Ramananda Prasad, The Bhagavad-Gita 2.52-53

Blah!

2011-09-18T20:14:00.000+05:30

I do not like the idea of becoming a part of another family. Of having to have a new set of parents, a new bunch of siblings and a whole new world of friends. It scares me and makes me sad… but most of all, it makes me feel lonely.
It makes me feel like the only person standing at the top of a hill and looking down at the valley bustling with life…
Like am on a plane, on a night flight, and down there below me… the tiny little flickering lights, speaking of the people who go about their lives, having nothing to do with me.
I feel lonely thinking how my entire existence would cease to have any meaning.
The food that I eat, the clothes that I wear, the tv shows that I watch, the music that I listen to…….i’ll have to trash it all down the dust bin….

It makes me want to not exist.

That’s how I feel.

Toh Kaisa Hota?

2011-09-16T23:07:00.000+05:30

Agar har cheez mei jaan hoti,

Toh kaisa hota?

Baarishein kya baarishon mei bheeg sakti?

Aansuon ko kya kabhi bhi rona aata?

Kitabein padhti dusron ko ya ki khud ko?

Kaaghaz kaise khat kisi ko daal paata?

Zevaron ka singaar tab kaun banta?

Sheesha kaise khud ko kabhi dekh paata?

Hasi apni khushi kaise zaahir karti?

Ghunghru kis jhankaar mei tab naach paata?

Gulshan aise mei kidhar tafreeh ko jaati?

Registaan apni pyaas tab kaise bujhaata?

Chhaya kiski chhav mei aaraam paati?

Suraj tapti garmi phir kaise mitata?

Agar har cheez mei jaan hoti,

Na jaane kaisa hota!

~Almas Kiran Shamim

The Wait

2011-09-15T17:19:00.001+05:30

I shall wait for you………

Just like a stream waits………

Meandering its way through high and low…….

Waiting to meet the vast ocean

And become one with that enormous wealth of treasures…

Of pearls…of corals…and life -known-unknown.…….

And oh! What stops it from waiting!!!!

Never can it be tied!!

Just like the ocean waits….

To turn to vapour

And rise above itself….

Higher and higher…up above all….

And become the cloud….…

Like a roof to all of God’s creations…

Rich or poor…

Black or white…

Just like the cloud waits…

Laden with life…

To pour down…

And seep into the very pores of the ground…

And bring forth life….

A life from a life…

Just like a seed waits ….

Drenched by the rain……

To break its fetters…

And expand free….

Growing above…

Into a bud….

Ready to bloom

Just in a while…

Just like a bud waits…..

For the sun to rise..

And his light to shine..

That it may bloom…

And sing with the wind….

And dance with the bees…

And celebrate with delight

Just like the sun waits….

For the night to come……

And soothe its heat…

Its parching throat…

Its flaming lips…

That it may know ..

What coolness is like….

Just like the night waits….

For the stars to shine…

Tear apart her darkness…

By their dazzling light…

That it may turn into a beautiful vision,

For those with sight….

Just like the stars wait….

For the learners’ gaze…

Searching out for them,

Studying their movements with time….

Basing their lives on their brightness ….

As if they were

An intervention divine.

And just like the learners wait…

For the streams to flow by….

Bearing waters filled with wisdom,

Lessons and rhymes………

To quench the thirsts

Of their throat, soul and mind….

And so…. Know it….

That I shall wait….

Through all that happens…

As long as I’m alive….

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Torturing the Torturers

2011-09-13T23:22:00.001+05:30

Killing and being killed are part of a vicious game- a vicious game that runs in a vicious cycle- on and on and on.
No wonder we see every accused counter-accusing his accuser.
There are pointing fingers everywhere- pointing fingers and pointing guns.
The world has become so maddening that ‘ignorance is bliss’ is something we might need to seek and inculcate into our lives. Because this world is no longer a stage where we are the actors... It is now a battlefield and each one of us is presented with the Hobson’s choice of either becoming a warrior or end up as collateral damage. There are no onlookers spared anymore- whether or not you wish for it.

I recently read a very old account of the British torture of its citizens(belonging to a certain religion of course!) at The Guardian and it reminded me of the many articles written about the harrowing experiences of the prisoners at the hands of the US and British forces. This torture of the prison inmates in order to gain intelligence is undoubtedly heinous. The methods employed are inhuman, more so when, at the end, the tormented inmates turn out to be sinless on their part.
Human Rights organizations, religious bodies and even a section of the common man have been vociferous in opposing these misdeeds, but, as we all know, nothing has stopped.
The powerful continue to use their power to subjugate those under them, continue to commit crimes under the pretext of fighting against crime. And again, as we all know, this will go on.

But, the question that arises in my heart as to why in the world would anyone- ANYONE- commit such atrocities? Who ARE the people being tortured? Exactly WHO are suffering through sleepless nights, hungry days and are being given electric shocks that leave them burnt not only in flesh but also in soul?

Muslims?
Well, that goes without being said…
Muslims who could be doctors, teachers, pilots, school drop-outs and yes… terrorists.

I am not going into a discussion of the people who can be included under the common noun that is ’terrorist’. Nor am I going to tell (or hear) about how using the ‘T’ word for Muslims (and Muslims alone) is absolutely unjust.
Here, I exclusively mean the Islamist terrorists (so- called).
The anti-terror cells abounding the world over contain Muslims who could be innocents and who could well be terrorists.
And if they are, indeed, terrorists, or terrorists-to-be or people with an inclination towards taking innocent lives, don’t you think that the torture they are being made to bear is only what they deserve? Coz’ who is the judge to decide whether it is more inhuman to make another person live through pain rather than die through pain?
A person who is unscrupulous enough to believe that a blind killing of human beings is justified, in fact, rewarding, would definitely, if given the chance, resort to ‘torturing’ people. Such a person when subjected to ‘torture’ himself doesn’t make a victim, does he? Coz’ what is wrong in torturing the torturer?

And this brings us to the point where we ask ourselves- all those people locked up in the prisons with terrorist charges, do they really qualify to be terror suspects?
Well…
As occurs in all power games, the misuse of ‘torture’ brings the whole (so called) War on Terrorism under a shadow so dark that neither a beam of light nor a ray of hope can pierce through its immensity.
The holding up and persecution of Muslims who are criminal only in that they bear a ‘Muhammad’ or a ‘Hussain’ in their names is rampant.
Many ‘interrogations’ ( and we know what it means) have only ended with the accused being released without any evidence found against him but with a physical and mental trauma for life. This is what is easily called yet another form of ‘collateral damage’; stating that in order to look out for the real terrorists, the hurt caused to some innocents is unavoidable.
Besides, how much of the intelligence attained after a torture session has credibility is questionable.
How many of the ‘crack- downs under pressure’ are real confessions and how many are ‘I’m saying what you want me to say, just stop torturing me’ is again, questionable.
These fake confessions are also useful when you have a difficult case to deal with. The moment you cannot figure out the whys and hows of a criminal act or if you want to shift the blame of something you have done on to Muslims, you can easily arrest an ‘Ali’, create evidence against him, torture him into confession and lo! Your case is solved.

To be noted here is the fact that ‘torturing’ people to squeeze out intelligence is prohibited under most laws.
No wonder most of the arrests, interrogations and other proceedings of the War on Terror are done under a blanket of secrecy.

However, this still doesn’t answer our question whether the prohibition of torture is appropriate or not?

If we switch over to an act which I consider to be a terror much greater than murder- Rape, every rapist is a terrorist.
Assuming I was raped, would I not want the rapist too be punished for the crime and if he wasn’t admitting to it, would I not want him to be ‘tortured’ into accepting it- however harsh the torture be… coz’ hadn’t he tortured me enough when he had raped me?
Bloody yes! I would.
But, then again, do we ‘torture’ people at large claiming that they were ‘Rape-suspects’? Do we have a secret agency that looks into people’s sexual interests and finds out who are the people likely to rape someone and torture them into confession? Do we ‘torture’ the men who visit porn sites exclusively to watch ‘rape videos’- coz’ aren’t they people with a ‘mental inclination towards rape’? Do we question sex workers at the brothels about the men who use violence as a part of their sexual gratification and ‘torture’ these men to find out whether or not they have or were planning to rape someone?
I wonder…
I wonder how can anyone justify the torture of an innocent Muslim and then be baffled about how Muslims turn into terrorists.

Dearest Darlings :)

2011-09-11T22:31:00.002+05:30

Dearest mummy
You are my jalebi. I am your singada :)

Dearest Abbu
You are my . . . mmmm . . Water ? ? I am yourrrr . . . Cigarette ? ? :)

Dearest Aapa
You are my Dupatta. :p I am your pillow :D :D

Dearest Bhaiya
You and Me . . . We both are two Talwars jo ek mayaan mei nai reh sakte :p :p

Dearest Faris
You are my Angel :) I am your Mother :p :p :p

Dearest Fiza
You are my Princess :) I am your Mother too :D :D :D

Dearest Meows
You are my Babies :) I am your ticket to the beds and blankets :)

With all my love
Yours one and only
Kichu
AbbuJaan
Tanki
Idiot
Momci
Momci
Meowwww :)

The First Choice

2011-09-11T13:24:00.001+05:30

I do not know if I’ve mentioned this earlier or not. In any case, am going to write it down now.

In our family we eat lots of unhealthy stuff. We eat snacks and sweets like it is our breath and our existence is entirely and totally dependent on it. And so, most of the times you’d find lots of sweets at my home.
This incident (very insignificant, yet very significant) took place when I was a little girl- maybe around 7 or 8, and my Aapa and I were sitting across our dining table (I don’t really remember what were we doing- maybe she was studying and I was disturbing her) when mummy came and gave us a tiffin full of sweets- in all shapes, sizes and colours.

Aapa reached out and took one (I don’t remember which one) but I was taking a lot of time in choosing which one to eat.
There was a particular one which used to be my favourite. It was a ‘sandes’ (Bengali sweet) from Calcutta Sweet Stall- a small cubical piece of Heaven wrapped in Silver.
And though it was my favourite, I didn’t pick that one- probably out of pure greed!
Being the glutton that I was (and still am) I wanted to eat everything, or at least 2-3.. but, somehow, I guess, I didn’t want to eat all of it when Aapa, like a big girl, had had only one. So, I HAD to choose only one, and looking back I think that the choice should have been pretty easy (since I already had a favourite)…but, it wasn’t.

And as I always do..whenever I’ve been stuck up in situations where I’ve needed to make choices… I called for help.
I asked Aapa which one should I take.
And aapa chose one saying, “Ye khao”(eat this)..
And I asked, “Ye???” (This one???), making a bad face. Then she pointed at the next one and I again made a face.. this went on until she finally pointed at the sweet I wanted to have and I gave her my big toothy smile and glady devoured it..:D

Now, I ain’t sure if Aapa knew which one was my favourite and purposely kept it for the last or whether it happened coincidentally, but, while I was yummily chewing my favouritest sweet, both Aapa and I were laughing with known looks in our eyes…
Her eyes saying,“You finally had what you wanted to have, then why the drama?”
And my eyes saying,“Isn’t me a bad girlie??”

Has it never happened to you that in spite of knowing what you wanted, you have gone stumbling over at things, believing that you don’t know what you want?
And at the end, when you finally find it, you realize that you had known it all along… that the ‘not-knowing’ was only an illusion?

It’s like you enter a shop and right at the door, a beautiful dress on a mannequin catches your fancy and whether or not in your budget, you know that you want it…
But, for some absurd reason, you feel that you might find something better in the shop, if only you look (and I’m not saying that no one does) and so you search the whole shop, the whole mall maybe, for something that might take your heart away from where it has been captured… and at the end, you go back and buy that first dress which you had liked- knowing- with a serene bliss- that any number of dresses can’t make up for this one dress.

You know then that you didn’t want anything else..
THIS is what you’d wanted…. All through.

Khamoshi #2

2011-09-09T02:04:00.000+05:30

"Shaq ki boondein, Yaqeen ki baarish se dhul gayee
.......Aur ik halki si sisak - khamoshi se nikalke, khamoshi mei ghul gayee."

~Almas Kiran Shamim

500th Post in my Blog !!! :)

2011-09-08T19:54:00.000+05:30

Assalam alaykum
Very happy to say that this is the 500th Post in my Blog :) :) :)
I wanted this post to be special . . . And what could be more special than my most favourite prayer, a prayer that every beating heart should sing, a prayer that is sung everyday in millions of schools and maktabs across India and Pakistan . . . :)

Lab pe aati hai dua banke tamanna meri
Zindagi shamma ki surat ho Khudaya meri.

Duur duniya ka mere dum se andhera ho jaye
Har jagah mere chamakne se ujala ho jaye.

Ho mere dum se yuhi mere watan ki zeenat
Jis tarah phool se hoti hai chaman ki zeenat.

Ho meri zindagi parwaane ki surat ya Rabb
Ilm ki shamma se ho mujhko muhabbat ya Rabb.

Ho mera kaam ghareebon ki himayat karna
Dardmando se, zaeefon se muhabbat karna.

Mere Allah burai se bachana mujhko
Naik jo raah ho us raah pe chalana mujhko.

Lab pe aati hai dua banke tamanna meri
Zindagi shamma ki surat ho Khudaya meri.
Aameen.

~Allama Iqbal

Special moments with Special people!!!

2011-09-06T19:31:00.001+05:30

Assalam alaykum
We all share our happy moments as well as sad moments with ppl who, and not necessarily ppl who, matter to us . . . . We might win a lottery and announce it to almost anybody whom we meet :) plain and simple happiness :)
we might have a little row with someone in the batch and again go about sulking over it in front of every other batchmate. :p plain and simple sadness :p
but what's common in these two acts is that we are talkin to ppl who 'come before us'. Not special ppl whom 'we go to'.
I feel, lucky are the ppl with whom someone shares his moments and feelings, whether happy or sad, by actually seeking him out.
:)
and they are ESPECIALLY lucky if the person giving them the good (or bad) news is not his family member. :) lol

For me, it's always been my mummy/ Azhar with whom I have wanted to share those EXTRA special happy and sad moments. . . . Ofcourse, I only have mummy to call my own now. . .

Recently, one of my friends, Anisa, had informed me about his brother gettin admission into IIT Hyderabad and told me that she knew that I would be the happiest to receive the news :)
She called me up again after a few days but my roomie took the call, she then asked ESPECIALLY for me and gave me the good news that she is carrying :) :) Alhamdulillah :) she told that among her friends, I was the first one with whom she wanted to share her happiness :) :) and just sometime back, one of my juniors, Nisha, called me up to tell that she has cleared her Second Prof MBBS exams :) :) she is at home rite now and just the fact that in spite of being with her family, she remembered to call me up, made me feel so nice :) :) We let ppl know bout our lives thru FB and Twitter. . .
But there are few special ppl who get a call personally. . . Who hear us squeal with happiness or burst out crying. . . .
We are lucky if we have such special ppl in our lives. We are luckier if we are so special to someone. :)

I am special. Are you? :)

I loves Bebo!

2011-09-04T14:52:00.000+05:30

You do know that I absoluteliestly LOVE Bebo.....Don't you???

NO??????

Well, now you do...

Eid Mubarak!!!!!

2011-09-04T13:43:00.000+05:30

Assalam alaykum
and a very very belated "Eid Mubarak" :)

THAT is my Eid ka dress :)

well...
so... my Eid went pretty nice, Alhamdulillah! I had taken leave from work but didn't have anywhere to go. :( usually I go to Anisa's place at Ernakulam, but, this time she is a married lady :P and was at her husband's place at Calicut... so, here I was stuck up at Alpy missing my home and my family so bad! I got all dressed up in the morning, prayed in the quarters itself and went out to have a heavy breakfast at the same old ICH.... on my way back to the room I was feeling quite desp and lonely :( *sad*.... and I took the longer route back and what do I see near the casualty?

The Mobile Blood Bank!!!!! :) And it reminded me of my long-forgotten wish to donate blood (which had arisen after I'd seen that ad in which a little gal goes about thanking ppl for donating blood.. it's such an *awwwwish* ad). But, I cudn't see anybody in the bus, so I thot.. why not donate it to our own Blood Bank.. I mean the hospital's Blood Bank....:)

Then, I happily went to the BB and filled up the form as a voluntary donor. I was pretty tensed during the whole time the blood was being sucked out of me...lol!!! But, I felt wonderful to be a part of the elite who have been donating blood for so long!

Khair... I slept over the lunch time .... and in the afternoon went to Punnapra to a home which I have known ever since I joined college....This is a family which has helped me so much during my stay in Alpy.... They've been there whenever I needed them...Here are a few pics of that family...

That's Rahiya aunty and Sareena itha

Hamsa ikka with Naureen

Noora and Naureen

The kids and me...

Waha par I had Chicken biryani...
and the best part was that Aishwarya, my roomie, called me up to say that Dr. Shera and Dr. Saleema from ENT had brought Eid ka food from home and it's a bit in excess.. so Aish and I can have it together in the room at night... hoo hoo.. haa haa..
I was soooo happy....

On the whole, my Eid turned out to be pretty alrite.. Alhamdulillah!!!

So, belated Eid wishes, once again!

Allah hafiz !!

Dearest Allah

2011-08-31T14:16:00.000+05:30

Dearest Allah
Today I ask you to bless us all. But, to especially bless the people who are sad.
I ask you to bless the chronically ill patients, for whom Eid might be nothing more than just another day of pain.
I ask you to bless those who have been spending time in the various casualties last night and today and all those who are destined to be brought to the casualties today. They had not expected their Eid to turn out to be like this.
I ask you to bless all those who’ve had their flights/trains cancelled and will nnot be able to spend their Eid where they had planned to.
I ask you to bless those who are away from home and will be celebrating their first Eid alone, be it for studies or for work. The first Eid away from home is difficult.
I ask you to bless the Muslim prisoners who are alone today, whether or not they have committed a crime. Coz we all make mistakes.
I ask you to bless the Muslim prisoners who have been charged of terrorist acts they didn’t carry out. Their only fault is that they are Muslims.
I ask you to bless every person facing persecution and inequality today coz they believe in you.
I ask you to bless the poor for whom there might be no food today just as there had been no food yesterday.
I ask you to bless those who strove for you in the past one month so that they may continue the struggle throughout.
I ask you to bless those who were not fasting, that they may find you and your love.
I ask you to bless those Muslims who were fasting even though their work involved manual labour coz they have shown the greatest faith in your word.
I ask you to bless those who were fasting while working at restaurants and dhabas, coz they have shown so much of self control.
I ask you to bless the ladies who have silently woken up while everyone else slept, so that they may prepare hot and fresh sehri for the family.
I ask you to bless the people who have distributed free iftar for the wayfarers, they have quenched the thirst in your name.
I ask you to bless those who are hungry, not in your name, but coz the food supplies are cut off coz of wars and political reasons.
I ask you to bless the bad that they may become good and the good, that they may become better coz there is no limit to how much we can improve.
I ask you to bless them who are searching for you that they may succeed in their search.
I ask you to bless them who have lost you that they may realize what they have lost.
I ask you to bless them who have found you coz who says you cant be found?
I ask you to bless those with broken relations that they may reunite for the sake of today, by the blessing of today.
I ask you to bless the little children who are excited about collecting eidy today, that they may collect loads of eidy ….
I ask you to bless the little children who will not be given eidy coz they either don’t have anyone to give them eidy or they don’t have anything to be given as eidy.
I ask you to bless the orphans, they are the duty that we shirk away.
I ask you to bless every sad, lonely and troubled person, that he may receive the joy of your heart.
And I finally ask you to bless us- my family and me, that we may realize how lucky we are. Whether lonely, whether sick, whether sad… we are so much better off than so many of our brothers and sisters. Bless us with senses that can really see, hear and feel. Bless us with limbs that can act and lips that can speak. Bless us with a heart that houses your love and a forehead that bends down to no one but you.
This Eid and forever, my Maalik, bless us with the best of your blessings.
Aameen
Me.

The I and The We.

2011-08-27T02:51:00.004+05:30

And when I couldn’t stand alone

I gathered a We around .

And when We won all wars that mattered

I returned to claim the battleground.

And I to We and We to I

In one life were plentifully found.

And yet as a final victor

Neither I nor We could abound.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~Almas Kiran Shamim

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Blog Makeover :)

2011-08-21T11:17:00.000+05:30

Assalam alaykum
My blog has got a makeover… and I has a big happy :D Alhamdulillah
I had to work real hard with that mermaid background you see at the back….. I don’t exactly remember where I got the pic from, but I think it’s pretty cool. And yet, I could never use it coz’ blogger never allowed me to. Newaz… finally it’s up :)

Since I’ve been so ‘off’ blogs in the past one year or so, I do not really have any favourite blogs anymore… :( some of the blogs that I’d been following have been privatized, some others have been closed down or are simply dead.. : ( so, am in the lookout for good blogs… good blogs that make me happy and give me some food for thought (not that my thought process is starving…..it’s overflowing actually, but certain things are simply better when in excess :p)
I’ve also noticed that certain blogs I follow are not sending feeds, I don’t know how …. But they have been as functional as ever… so I guess, I’ll have to go to each of the blogs in my list and check whether I need to continue following it or not! That gives me a big work at hand! Lol!
Newaz….
I’m also confused regardin whether or not to keep a blog list as a side widget….. it would be handy to access the various blogs I follow but would mean extra loading time on my mobile…. :(
Well… let’s see how it goes!
Have a lovely day….
Allah hafiz.

Alhamdulillah :)

2011-08-21T09:26:00.000+05:30

This is simply to say Alhamdulillah that my net is working again...
I wrote a simple post about my blog's makeover and when I tried posting it I realized that Nokia Ovi Suite wouldn't connect...:( I connect to the internet on my lap using my cel.. and that meant just when I had decided to blog more frequently, my luck was letting me down.
I felt like the unluckiest person on Earth.. :(

But, then I thot that prolly God just wants me to study rite now... brushing up my basics and preparing for the post grad and stuff and hence He doesn't want me to be blogging! But, still.. I was sad and was goin around asking ppl how to manage this problem... but, everyone seemed to be talking in Latin!
newaz... I went to my room to get my lap so that I cud show someone and get help..only to see that my roomie's shoes were outside the door (we don't use shoes inside our room), so I called out to her to open the door but noticed that it was open already... she was actually taking bath and never forgets to lock the door whenever she enters the bathroom.. but, this time she forgot! and I was happy as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to enter the room. lol! It sounds a very silly thing.. but I suddenly felt that God isn't all that tight on me... I felt 'lucky' and so I thot I wud write a post bout this ...
and newaz...
The net problem got fixed.
so, Alhamdulillah!
:)

On Why I am Against the Lokpal... Part 2

2011-08-19T18:38:00.000+05:30

Next, bout our politicians and junta
The Indian junta is one excessively obsessed over its politicians.
For some reason, the junta believes that the best way to do wrong and escape is to blame it on the politicians.
I tried to search for the total number of politicians in India, no proper results popped up. Though, one site mentioned an average of 3 crore politicians. Let us go with ‘5’. Saying that 5 crore politicians are responsible for the downfall of 95 crore of hareeshchandra junta is a bit of an overstatement I guess.
Shame on us 95 crores if we believe that our country is run by those 5 crores!!!

I believe that only the most corrupt of people will blame the politicians to be corrupt, coz tell me the ppl who refuse to pass files in the govt offices- are they politicians??? Are they even officers???? They are the clerks!!!
Bribery and corruption is present at every single level in India….. from the top to the bottom.
In such a scenario, if anybody turns a blind eye to the problem at the base and simply asks for justice by punishing the hot shot politicians, is either a jealous pig in that he himself has not been able to loot the country as much as these ministers could, or is a corrupt bastard who wants to shift the frame of concern from himself, his family members, his friends, his neighbourhood, his office, his school, his gym and every other place associated with him- the common man-which is corrupt, and which can be sorted out relatively in an easier way to the Prime Minister and his office, the politicians and others… who are, if corrupt, only as corrupt as himself.
The only difference being, Bigger power, bigger scams, bigger money.

These are the people who blame the politicians for price hike, for India’s poverty, lack of education, lack of sanitation, unemployment etc etc etc….

These are the people who didn’t pay attention during their classes at school and thus do not know that fossil fuels have been created over millions of years and the prices will only INCREASE as time passes because we r using more than what is being created. These are the people who would blame the ministers to be moving around in limos, but the moment they themselves get a chance to buy one, wouldn’t hesitate to.
These are the people who say stuff like “Hindustan mei kitne gareeb hai aur falana falana ko dekho Swiss bank mei kitnaaaa paisa bhar ke rakha hai”, when they themselves have accounts in SBI and AXIS and others which are they desperately trying to fill to brim, not caring about the same Hindustan ka same gareebi. Yes, the scales are different…. That means, they are not actually bothered about Hindustan but kisi dusre ke paas zyada paisa dekhke inke seene mei saanp lot-tha hai.

These are the people who are very bothered about the transparency in a politician’s salary when they themselves will not leave any stone unturned to increases their ‘sources’.
These are the people who throw garbage on the strrets and sit in front of the tv, look at a documentary on the pollution in India and say “kya karta hai sarkar, pata nahi..bas apne jeb bharne mei hai”

These are the people who are leeches and do not want to take any responsibility for the land they call their country…. Who want to teach their children crap, telling them that the bribery we see in local offices is fine coz the machinery consists of your chacha and your bada bhaiyya and your daadi…. But then we will have to hold someone responsible right, toh beta politicians hai na!!!! blame them!!! And in your ‘political orientation’ in social networking sites write ‘bullshit’. The most diplomatic answer somehow giving the appearance of you being so ethical that you cannot tolerate the deviation from ethics shown by the politicians….but of course, jab election aaega, you should go and vote for one of those people whom you have called bullshit.

These are the ppl who blame the govt when a bridge falls…. Saying that the govt chose the wrong ppl to make the bridge so that they could make money…..turning a blind eye to the fact that these contractors rise from among us.

These ppl blame the politicians for the failure of national programs, not accepting the fact that national programs can only be MADE by them .. they have to be IMPLEMENTED by us.

These ppl… made of you and me… the Indians… are the ppl who are corrupt and are always keen in pointing at the politicians coz it shifts the frame of blame from the rotting roots that is us.

When we behave like this, we can continue with our misdeeds easily coz the world is busy blaming the TOP FEW CORRUPT FRUITS in the tree whose ROOTS are rotten too.

This reminds me of the time when Dr. Kalam had visited our islands after the Tsunami, and had told that it’s not aids which is lacking, it’s the sincerity of the ppl….
The ppl… you and me…

This also reminds me of a certain girl who was very opposed to the OBC reservation (as I too was)… and was vomiting out shit at the congress govt (she herself being a BJP supporter) at wat a corrupt party it is, wat a corrupt govt and the likes….. and when she herself had to apply for PG Entrance examinations, had softly told me that she too had made an OBC certificate for herself coz her caste is under OBC and why should she miss the chance????

THIS is us.
We, the people of India!!!!

We, the people of India, who offered a Lokpal….. and had a substantial portion of our demands met, and still we want more… to include the PM, coz maybe.. we are only delaying the process….. coz not everybody will be India’s PM, but a lot will be police and govt officials who can be targeted under this.. so rather stick on to a very very high demand… a demand that the govt wouldn’t agree to, and again we, the people of india can relish over the insincerity of our politicians and say ki “OH!!!! The politicians didn’t let it happen, warna ab tak toh corruption gayab tha!”

If we, the people of india, Really want to remove corruption, why not start with ourselves??? Why not accept the draft…. Ek PM kitna chori karega???? Us ek PM ko chori karne se rukane ke liye kitne saaro ka chori rokne se inkaar kar rahe hai???....wah!

Khair!

This also reminds me of how nothing can be successful until WE act….. Dowry is a punishable offence, and yet come down to Kerala and have a look- the model state of India… come and see the presence or rather the dominance of Dowry in the most literate part of India….
Uske baad, should we blame the govt for not being able to eradicate social evils???
Or should we blame ourselves?
There is also a group of Keralite Muslims who have placed small plaques in front of their houses saying that ‘invitations to marriages where dowry is being taken or given, will not be accepted’… while this is done more so on religious grounds, wat I mean is that we need to correct ourselves before blaming the world.

Long ago, in the site anindianmuslim.com, to a certain post I had written a comment saying that if we do good and act right in our own selves, the country will definitely improve. And another person had motivated me a lot by saying that all I would be doing is creating a small white dot in a black world. And that nothing can happen until a ‘revolution’ takes place.
These are the ppl who wait for someone to come and wipe out their sins but do not believe in stopping the sin themselves.

Khair!
Bout me being a congress supporter, I very well am. But more than that am a govt supporter. I support my country, and wen Vajpayee was the PM, he was my best man on earth.
Whatever, yes! I am very much a congress bhakt. Just like there’ll be BJP bhakts and Communist bhakts.
We are so coz we believe in them more than others… and ppl are different.
But in this situation, I seriously do believe that the Lokpal will not be of much use to us, would be detrimental, in fact.

And the ppl posting abuses on Sonia and Manmohan.. well.. they amuse me to bits… as if… any other PM from any other party wudnt have opposed it.lol! and as if, Manmohan is goin to be the PM forever…… lol!!! Ppl who are opposing Lokpal and theinclusion of the PM are doing so, not coz they want to preserve Manmohan, but coz they want to preserve the power and dignity of the office of the PRIME minister of the State.

Aur waise bhi we are the same pl who had treated Ganguly like a king ek waqt mein and while he was leaving, we had filled up the internet with Ganguly Jokes… what a grt farewell we had given him.
Khair.

So, finally I say that I am against the Lokpal coz I believe that the issue at hand is correcting the PEOPLE of India, our attitudes and way of life, the politicians will fall in place by themselves coz INDIA is made up of us and run by us- the Junta, NOT them- the politicians. Even so, if we need a Lokpal, it should NO NOT NEVER be an autonomous body coz that would be a tragedy for my country, might lead to India’s collapse, making us an underdeveloped country rather than a superpower. Take responsibility for the corruption rather than shoving away the blame.

Over and out!